AIBU to expect my wife to mention changing her working hours?

[ByScott]

Last week I had a few issues and couldn’t contact my wife so had to call her work.

It emerged that not only had she reduced her hours to .75 but she had compacted them so only works 3 days a week.

She never told me this. Should she have?

Should I mention this to her?

It doesn’t particularly impact on me and had she discussed it with me I wouldn’t have had anything to say about it.

I did this once. I had the kids and our house needed so much work. I was absolutely exhausted and compressed my hours to have a day off a fortnight which nobody knew about, just to be at home to rest without feeling guilty. I wonder if it's something like that?

This would make me question my whole marriage ! Why wouldn’t she say anything ?

Ask her, "How was your workday?" on a day off, and see how she reacts.

Devious! But smart. If they find out, your day off is ruined.

I would really to gather my thoughts and plan how I'd respond to various explanations, too. Where there's a difficult conversation needed, I need time to prepare for it. So I don't think it's necessarily a bad sign.

Have you mentioned it yet? Why are you “biding your time”? I can’t really imagine why you wouldn’t bring this up immediately.

Do the pair of you not talk? Ask how each others day has been? She’s lying to you constantly making up stories about her work day when she’s not been working…unless you don’t converse at all!

Maybe she’s overwhelmed and needs a break but knows you will not approve. Are you supportive with the family?

I think so too

Maybe you are like my husband? He never listens to a thing I say. So perhaps she did tell you, but you weren't listening.

I can’t get my head around how this hasn’t come up in conversation?

How was work today?

I wasn’t at work - I have reduced my hours.

Don’t you talk to one another?

This crossrd my mind too, my Dh listens but doesn't ' hear'

Discussing family income dropping to that extent is unlikely to be a conversation that had been totally wiped from OP's mind.

I have the memory of a goldfish, but I wouldn't forget that.

Well, if he wasn't listening, it never went into his mind, so the memory being wiped out doesn't come into it.

Are her hours the same? Was she 5 days a week part time and now incorporated the same hours into 3 days? Sorry if I missed that in your post. Just wondering if it hasn't affected her salary maybe that's the reason she hasn't mentioned it. But it is still odd really.

That’s cos she’s seeing someone else while you think she’s at work for those two days, probably didn’t expect to get sprung.

LtB

I was the first year in 1988 (except for a couple of areas with pilot exams) - but it wasn't much more than a decade ago, I'm sure!

@ByScott her colleagues will tell your wife when she’s next in the office that you rang on her day off! So she’ll then be aware that you know she reduced her hours and will wonder why you didn’t say anything! You’re then both playing the same game! You should just ask her outright why she didn’t mention it. Why do you think she didn’t tell you?

Actually I would ask her - the friend/colleague you spoke to is very likely to mention when your wife goes into work next that you called, even if just to say, that she hoped her DH managed to reach her and there wasn’t anything wrong, was there?

ie, she will realise she has been caught out in the ‘lie’ [not sure what to call it].

You’d be better just being honest with her that you know… after all, isn’t that what this is all about? Honesty?

‘Bide my time’….. why? She is your wife speak to her! Yes she absolutely should have spoke to you before making changes but for whatever reason she didn’t. Just ask her

I suspect your wife feels you don't show much interest in her life, so she doesn't bother to tell you stuff.

Depends what she does for a living,believe it or not lots of people are not allowed to have mobile phones to hand throughout the day.

Don’t you think that as soon as your wife returns to work someone will tell her you’ve called? So not point in biding your time as she knows that you know!

This. My phone spends most of the day sitting in a little locker outside my office. It's quite nice actually.

Not normal behaviour.if it was me,i wouldn’t have stopped talking about it delightedly,that i didn’t have to go in so much.it is a big thing as two days money is quite a bit to miss if you both pay your own way,but if she can afford it,then no issues.