AIBU to expect my wife to mention changing her working hours?

[ByScott]

Last week I had a few issues and couldn’t contact my wife so had to call her work.

It emerged that not only had she reduced her hours to .75 but she had compacted them so only works 3 days a week.

She never told me this. Should she have?

Should I mention this to her?

It doesn’t particularly impact on me and had she discussed it with me I wouldn’t have had anything to say about it.

.

I mean, fair play.

I would have said absolutely nothing had she told me.

That's why she didn't tell you then , presumably .

What a strange marriage .

Don't bide your time as that is equally as odd.

Just tell her you tried to get hold of her the other day so rang work and they said she only worked 3 days a week so were rather surprised she didn't tell you something so important.

Not telling you is just bizarre.

Yes but that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do, just means mumsnet should reflect on why they do it the other way

Just speak to her! Tell her what happened and ask if she has changed her hours (her colleagues may have got it wrong) and ask why she didn't tell you. Then come back to Mumsnet.

Yes but that should be making you go maybe we should do critical thinking when a woman posts as well, not we should jump to conclusions for all

Very odd - you should ask her.

Essentially, your wife is squishing all her working hours into 3 days, rather than 5? So, there's no loss in earnings? However, she's no longer working 2 days per week, and hadn't thought to tell you??! OK, so technically it doesn't matter as such, because she's not earning any less but it must mean her working hours per day have increased, to accommodate the working hours of the 2 days she doesn't work??

I find it bizarre that your wife hasn't told you but it's equally bizarre, that now you do know, you haven't said anything to her!! What happens when the person who told you, tells her that you called on X day, and was told she wasn't working?? Your wife will then realise you know!!

Combining all hours into 3 days is something that most people would discuss with their spouse. Even if it doesn't effect the amount of money coming into the home, it's still a significant change that should be discussed.

I think you are both a bit weird (sorry). It's weird she's done this without telling you and it's weird you can't just ask her.

From what Op has said, it’s 75% of her usual week compressed into 3 days. Probably not much difference in take home pay.

It is really weird that she didn't tell you. Changing her hours - fair enough. But reducing her hours so that her (or your combined?) financial situation changes - that merits discussion. Unless you finances are so separate that it makes no difference.

Do you have kids?

But it is equally weird that you have found out, and are not going to say anything.

You are both in a very strange relationship of non-communication.

Yes, it's a bit like this... ]]

as usual this place displays some shocking, but unsurprising, double standards.

so many posters are keen to tell him he didn’t listen, or it must be his fault as she must be hard to tell, or any other version of blaming him for what if obviously out of order behaviour by her

Gaslighting an anonymous poster because it's a man 😂😂😂

"Nah, she definitely told you. You just weren't listening."

Very odd! Does this mean she’s freed up on the other days? Strange of her not to communicate that to you. I don’t blame you for seeking advice before you say anything, OP - it’s weird behaviour whatever the motive.

Just tell her you phoned work.

Why the poor communication? You've already said you're not bothered.

That’s my first thinking as well. Or she’s having some sort of mental or physical health issue she’s not mentioning. Or a secret hobby like the aforementioned piano playing. Could be anything really.

This. I can totally imagine this. My DP sometimes says I give too much narrative and he misses the main point.

🤣 The male mind can be adorably oblivious at times!

Odd? I'd say it's absolutely unbelievable that her work would tell the OP this.

EDIT: just read the OP's post about being put through to people he considers friends and being told.

It's all very weird, and I definitely be telling her I rang work and asking what the actual fuck was going on

Cherche l'homme, if we're talking about her in the third person, n'est ce-pas?

For whatever reason she wants two free days you are absolutely not involved in. Whatever she's doing your marriage sounds checked out at the least.

Odd that there was something that was so serious happening that you needed to try to contact her through work, but not so serious that you needed to speak to her about whatever it was later in the day??
So you just didnt bring up either the thing that was important or that you hadnt been able to get hold of her/know where she was (roughly at least).
Hmm.
If things like her changing and reducing her hours are not in your everyday conversations, then sounds like you need to start a conversation.
Biding your time won't help anyone.

This is what I thought too. And not really caring why the wife is at home at random times