AIBU to expect my wife to mention changing her working hours?

[ByScott]

Last week I had a few issues and couldn’t contact my wife so had to call her work.

It emerged that not only had she reduced her hours to .75 but she had compacted them so only works 3 days a week.

She never told me this. Should she have?

Should I mention this to her?

It doesn’t particularly impact on me and had she discussed it with me I wouldn’t have had anything to say about it.

It's the playing the piano bit that got me. Was he a frustrated musician who was supposed to be working as an accountant?

Eh? This is not normal in a healthy relationship op. There may be something going on, there may be nothing. Either way you need to know why she didn’t mention it..

Either wife is having an affair OR maybe husband has coercive control over her and she’s trying to have a bit of peace from it ?

very true too

Agreed. TBH, it was the first thing that went through my mind.

I suppose that an alternative is that she's exhausted...but why would she hide the working hours and resultant loss of income?

Yeh... my bet is she DID tell you this was her plan ages ago, you weren't really listening, tuning it out as witter and waffle... and she's assumed you know.

More worrying is the 'I'll bide my time' - so, save this little nugget of information up to present it at an opportune moment, 'tada you've been lying to me'...

Or that she HASN'T told you because she knows or fears you'd be a dick about it.

Firstly your wife should complain to her workplace about GDPR. Friends or not this was personal workplace information.

Secondly, marriages don't survive when either or both spouses play silly games.

She is not telling you for a reason, just ask and find out why then work through it, instead of continuing with silly games. It is likely her friends will mention to her you called anyway.

I don’t get why people get married and then don’t communicate. bide your time for what? Just ask!!! Christ you have kids together and you can’t ask her what she is up to.

Just ask her why she has done it and why she didn’t tell you. Wait for the answer and go from there. Maybe she is lazy and sneaky and doesn’t want to work. Surely you would notice a drop in income? Maybe she is having an affair. Maybe she has had her hours reduced and didn’t want to tell you until she found another part time job, who knows, but you will only find out if you do the adult thing and ask.

I think I am going to bide my time for a bit rather than ask her.

The communication in your marriage is appalling on both sides, it seems.

Really strange behaviour. People need to know their spouse’s working days, and you not being able to get hold of her in an urgent situation or emergency just illustrates why. I find it a bit devious - it doesn’t sit right with me. Why on earth let someone think you’re full time in an office but be at home? Why does everyone but you know? Especially as you say you wouldn’t be bothered or pressuring her to be full time. The drop in income is something I’d expect to know about, even if it made no real material difference.

This. Massive breach of privacy to share the details of someone’s working schedule to someone else.

It is not a GDPR issue when a husband is trying to get hold of his wife to whom he is still happily married and calls the place she works, unless she specifically tells reception not to. It’s the whole reason why workplaces ask for emergency contacts - so they can do the reverse. Don’t be ridiculous.

Communication surely can't be great, right? OP what does she say when you ask her about her day at work? She just doesn't mention she wasn't there??

I can't imagine doing this without discussing it with my husband and talking about how it would affect our income. Strange. Yanbu.

Or why she was hiding it.

It's not necessarily because of anything he has done, or not.

But indeed, seek first to understand...

Yeah its weird she hasnt mentioned it but just as weird that you aren't going to mention it either. Seems like there is a communication issue in your marriage! Do you generally not talk about stuff together??

Yes! This! 😂

Please don’t bide your time, or try to catch her out. ASK HER! Is it true, and why didn’t you feel you could discuss it? Be prepared to hear some home truths about your relationship.

It absolutely is a GDPR issue.

An employee's working pattern and contracted hours are personal data because they relate to an identifiable individual. There needs to be a lawful basis for disclosing details such as the fact that she had reduced her hours to .75 and compressed them to three days.

A more appropriate response would simply have been: "She's not at/expected work today".

Decisions about sharing personal information should never be based on someone's subjective assessment that a couple appears to be "happily married." 🙈

They have no way of knowing what is happening in someone's personal life. If she hadn't shared this information with her husband herself, there may have been a reason for that. I'm not suggesting there was anything concerning, but equally the employer couldn't know that. That's exactly why organisations shouldn't disclose personal information unless they have a lawful basis to do so.

Its a bit weird... i dont know why you are waiting to say something. Just ask her.

I think it’s cherchez l’homme

Can't get excited.

There’s always a reason for people hiding information in a relationship. I assume she thought you’d have a problem with it and balanced that with the likelihood of you finding out.

What an odd reply............no one asked you to be 🤔

This is really odd. You don’t talk to one another, what did you do today kind of stuff? I can’t work out how this is even possible with kids at home