AIBU to expect my wife to mention changing her working hours?

[ByScott]

Last week I had a few issues and couldn’t contact my wife so had to call her work.

It emerged that not only had she reduced her hours to .75 but she had compacted them so only works 3 days a week.

She never told me this. Should she have?

Should I mention this to her?

It doesn’t particularly impact on me and had she discussed it with me I wouldn’t have had anything to say about it.

Umm, yeah, this is weird.

So she's gone from working five days a week to three, and not mentioned it?!

That’s really weird that she didn’t mention this at all. I’d have alarm bells going off if I were in your shoes ! !!

Is this really a marriage? So she dropped down to 0.75 and what, has just been pretending to go to work?

YANBU - I can't imagine a healthy marriage in which one partner doesn't mention this to the other. Marriage counselling may be a good idea to improve your communication.

Strange. Do you have children in childcare? Is she taking a break? 😅

Definitely not ok that she didn't even mention it. Id be thinking what else has she not mentioned? What is she doing with the 2 free days she now has? And why doesn't she want you to know?

Its lying by omission. Red flag.

That's really weird. I can't imagine not discussing such an important decision with my dp.

Odd. And her work just telling you this?

No pretending to go to work or anything. One 14 year old at home and stepson back from uni for a year while on a placement.

Definitely not normal. Have you any idea why she hasn't told you?

What would your reaction have been had she told you she was planning to reduce her hours?

So where was she if she wasn't at work if she's not pretending to go to work?

Definitely weird

Well if a woman posted this about her DH, Mumsnet would scream ‘affair’

So if she wasn't pretending to go to work didn't you realise she was at home?

Errr I’d be preparing for divorce papers to come through…

I find it odd her work told you this. Seems breach of privacy.

But yes, of course she should have told you. If your finances are combined I'd exoect it to be mutually agreed.

Of course speak to her and find out why.

Does seem a bit odd to me.

I can’t think why someone would do this if, as you say, you would have reacted reasonably. Do you think she maybe thought otherwise?

I'd get your ducks in a row, she's probably having an affair.

What did she say when you asked her about it? If it doesn’t impact you, I’m not sure why you’d be bothered about it, but if you think she should have told you, that’s fair enough.

The only time I've seen someone lie about going to work and reducing hours is because their partner is not supportive of them having time off to do things for themselves and expect things to be done in the house – so they spend time at the gym or beach. Or they are having an affair and plan to leave.

No trust issues re: affair, that has not crossed my mind.

I would have said absolutely nothing had she told me.

I mostly leave well before she does in the mornings and occasionally she is home when I wouldn’t expect it necessarily but timetables and schedules change etc. in our jobs such things wouldn’t be worth of comment but two days off a week and changing your contract I would have thought worthy of comment.

If she's not pretending to go didn't you just notice her being there and say 'oh, you're not at work?' then she'd respond explaining why?

Are you sure she didn't mention it in passing and then obviously through being not at work thought you'd know what was going on?

Also I don't think it's acceptable for her workplace to disclose any information about her working hours to a third party. You could be an abuser or stalker. They could have just said 'she's not in at the moment.'

That’s really bizarre! Have you talked to her about it?

It's very weird she didn't mention it? Might she have been worried about your reaction?

It's equally weird that you are wondering if you should "mention it"! Are you considering just ignoring it?