AIBU to expect my wife to mention changing her working hours?

[ByScott]

Last week I had a few issues and couldn’t contact my wife so had to call her work.

It emerged that not only had she reduced her hours to .75 but she had compacted them so only works 3 days a week.

She never told me this. Should she have?

Should I mention this to her?

It doesn’t particularly impact on me and had she discussed it with me I wouldn’t have had anything to say about it.

How is your communication in your marriage generally? Are you close as a couple?
If your answers are good and yes then I think your wifes answers would be different. It sounds to me that your relationship isn't really what you think it is if she isn't just chatting stuff like this through with you. I'm guessing it would have been offered to her or she would have gone and asked for it and so there would have been a period of her making decisions yet she didn't discuss any of this with you.
I think that this would concern me in the wider context of your marriage. It sounds more like 2 people in a house share.

I rang a receptionist and was then put through to an office which she shares with people who are friends and people with whom we have both socialised over the years, I was told it wasn’t one of her days so it wasn’t as if I rang HR or anything. I pretended that I had got confused given the drama I was having my end, and did not let on I didn’t know.

I think I am going to bide my time for a bit rather than ask her.

As is often trotted out ad naseum for every comparable situation on MN:

'Cherchez la homme'

What impact is this having on family finances? I assume she's bringing less in so money is either tighter or less going into savings? This really needed to be a family decision. Not ok for her to just do it with no discussion. Has she explained why?

She’s pretending by default though, if she used to work 5 days and now works 3 without it ever coming up then surely she’s been hiding the fact that she’s off 2 days a week?

Have you told her you know?

'No trust issues' but you decided to 'bide your time' and came on here for advice, instead of just saying the next time you saw your wife, 'Oh, I rang you at work today and they said you've changed your hours. How's it going? Why didn't you tell me?'
Are you a bit nervous about annoying her?

Probably best to spend your time trying to work out why she didn’t feel she could tell you , instead of whether or not she should have done

I think she's within her rights to re-order her working days as she sees fit but dropping days warrants a discussion at least.

You n ed to tell her you know and talk to her. Don't go game playing pretending you don't know. That's just as bad.

She’s taking the Mickey big time. This is a major life change and she should have discussed it with you first. This is gonna have implications on her pension and other things surely.

Why on earth would you bide your time?? It sounds like you don’t communicate well at all. Do you not share finances? Surely you would notice 25% less money coming in?

I think your wife’s account of this would be very different to yours.

What she’s done doesn’t seem like a sign of a healthy relationship, but then neither does your response of biding your time. Just ask her

That’s odd behaviour in my opinion.

Biding your time instead of just talking to her is as dysfunctional as her not telling you in the first place. It's already odd that you didn't mention it the next time you saw her

do you mean a transman?
"La" is the feminine article. "Cherchez l'homme."

Yes, I have a PhD in pedantry and a French A level.

I think you need to ask her - if for no other reason than work may mention that you have called.

Sorry though, it is very strange that she hasn't mentioned it.

I find it weird that she hasn’t told you, weird her workplace did, weird you called them in the first place and weird you’re not going to ask her what’s going on.

I don’t think you can bide your time. What happens when she goes back into work and her colleague says “oh ByScott called the other day, he seemed surprised it was your day off”?!

Just ask her! It sounds like you have some serious communication issues in your relationship that you BOTH need to address asap!

Is she taking 2 days off to try and relax / cope with life? Is she struggling with the mental load of family life and you’re unaware?

Obviously she might be having an affair so you need to be prepared.

Hahaha. Yes you're right.

I haven't done French since O levels 18 years ago and the feminised version is burnt into my retinas from seeing it here so often.

Hang on. Don’t you ever ask her how her day has gone? If not, then that explains why you don’t know. If so, then has she been telling barefaced lies about work or just lying by omission?

Yes,
You should let your partner know these things, especially if you have kids. In a serious relationship, you should also discuss any changes before you make them; this isn't about being controlling, it's normal behaviour.

It’s funny how the responses on here are so different because a man has posted than they would be had the wife posted!

Whole dynamic seems odd.
You strike me as one of those couples who go out for dinner and eat 3 course without uttering a single word to each other!!
only possible reason to bide your time is you think she is having an affair and want concrete proof
has your 14 year old not said anything??

She is shady AF. I admire the chutzpah

My money is on she did actually tell you she was planning it and you weren’t listening/didn’t engage so she just cracked on………