AIBU to expect my wife to mention changing her working hours?

[ByScott]

Last week I had a few issues and couldn’t contact my wife so had to call her work.

It emerged that not only had she reduced her hours to .75 but she had compacted them so only works 3 days a week.

She never told me this. Should she have?

Should I mention this to her?

It doesn’t particularly impact on me and had she discussed it with me I wouldn’t have had anything to say about it.

Exactly, typical man eh.

Are you sure she didn't tell you and you weren't listening properly? Autopilot 'that's nice dear' response?

Otherwise bit odd. Definitely discussed with my dh changing my work pattern, because it impacted him too (school pick ups etc).

Sure "bide your time for a bit", because THAT'S the sign of a healthy marriage. (Said no person, ever)

me too and me too

Your wife has changed her work hours without mentioning it to you. Your reaction is to come on here and ask if you “should mention this” to her.

If she had mentioned it, you wouldn’t have had anything to say about it.

Call me Sherlock, but there seems to be poor communication in this marriage.

It's weird that she didn't tell you. I also think it's weird that you rang her work. I can't imagine my DH rinning my work when I didn't respond to him trying my mobile.

What did you need her for that meant you needed to call the main reception for her work?

Add to that this is weird, it is equally weird that you are asking on MN whether you should ‘mention’ it to her.

Go on, have a ‘mention’!

"... I would have said absolutely nothing had she told me... "

You would have said nothing?

Sorry but... would you not have wanted to discuss the fact that her income would presumably be dropping by 25%?

Do you never ask how her day at work was? You mustn't do if she hasn't lied to you about where she has been.
Maybe she is waiting to see how long it will take for you to ask that so she can respond and tell you she doesn't work x day anymore.

Isn’t the fact you couldn’t contact your partner in the middle of an emergency one of issues here? If someone in the team took time out to discuss in some detail a change to a working pattern they will surely tell her you called?

I’m thinking the same here

Weird.

Why won’t you just ask her?

strange all round

That's really weird behaviour from her, sorry. You need to say that you rang to speak to her and were shocked to be told this. She's your wife, be open and ask what's going on.

If I understand you correctly, she has gone down to 3/4 of her previous hours? It doesn’t sound like you did a great job of convincing her colleagues that you already knew if they explained in this much detail. Otherwise, “no it’s not one of her days” would have covered it.

It’s weird she didn’t tell you. I suppose only you can guess why. You need to ask her.

I think it’s odd yeah, not just because of the working hours but the income she’s now not bringing by reducing her hours? Is that not something that’s usually discussed as a household?

Are you sure she didn't tell you and it wasn't that she told you but you just weren't listening.......

Surely it impacts household finance. It is very bizarre that she has not told her, you would need to mention it to her and work out whats going on. Also, there is a chance her colleague may mention you have called - then you could find her knowing you know and not mentioning it to you and you knowing and not mentioning it to her? Mental situation.

I've taken a few sneaky days off to do the things I need to do around the house, have lunch in peace etc, usually when I've been feeling exhausted and burnt out. I know if I told DP I'd taken leave, he would decide to work from home on my day off, have the television blaring out, and generally get in the way- he doesn't seem to need silence and personal space, and he doesn't understand my need for it. I'd like to think I'd discuss this with DP before I permanently dropped hours though, and took a paycut, but I can see how this situation could arise.

This is really weird. No one in a marriage/LTR should make unilateral decisions which affect joint finances. I do think you should raise it with her, just a casual “When were you going to tell me…..” rather than “Why didn’t you tell me…” which might put her on the defensive,

Seems like that would be confidential information that wouldn’t be given over the phone.

Really weird!

Is there any reason why she wouldn't have told you? Is this a normal thing in your relationship?
I know you said there is no impact, but I would have thought the majority of couples would discuss this anyway in this situation just as a conversation 'I'm thinking of dropping hours, what do you think?' type thing.

If it were to affect the household ie finances/childcare etc that's another story and weirder again.

If I was your wife I'd have been really annoyed that my workplace had provided that information! However, yes, it does sound very odd that she's not mentioned it. Does she still 'go out to work' as usual?

That’s definitely weird. She would have known a while that these changes were afoot.