AIBU to feel put out being asked to bring dessert and ice?

[Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39]

I will probably get told I’m being unreasonable here but I’m ready if that’s the case 😂 my friend has invited me and my two kids to stay over for the night, it’s been planned for ages, and ahead of next week I’ve been asked to pick up dessert and ice because she doesn’t know what to get the kids for pudding… it’s lovely that she’s having us, but if I were hosting I’d provide food and drinks, not because I have loads of money or anything but I just feel like that’s what you do when friends come over. I would always bring a bottle over to the hosts house whenever I go somewhere, and so maybe this is the equivalent but I don’t know, something about this is making me annoyed and I’m not sure why!

It's school holidays. Are her children in receipt of free school meals? For some people that's a money to find fur ask those extra meals being eaten at home. Perhaps she stated what was useful for her, and would rather the kids have dessert than you and her have a bottle of wine?

You should have asked what yo bring.

The point was that it ISN'T a free hotel stay, but you're treating it like it is. To rock up and have everything as you expect. Like when Mothers shout after their teenage children, who only appear for meals or to have washing and fresh clothes, as they disappear out of the door again, "You treat this place like a hotel!".

YABU but if you go and she’s been a bit stingy with the food and drink then you’ll have been justified in feeling odd about it!

I might be out of step with some people - I’m not British so don’t always recognise/abide by customs here - but in my world it is completely normal and encouraged (!) to bring things like ice, pudding, salad, bread, wine - when visiting a friend. Ever heard of pot luck???

I dont want to pile on given OP does seem to be taking on feedback with good grace but….

As others have said, a single friend without children having you and your children to stay overnight is a big deal and a very generous act. She must both value your friendship AND genuinely like your children to do this. It’s not that usual outside of a family because it is a lot more work & stress. So do appreciate it properly.

It sounds like your friend is worried your children won’t like what she provides. Adults just often aren’t as dessert-focussed as children! Asking you to pick up the dessert isnt about money - it’s about asking for some help to ensure your children enjoy themselves and like the food.

See, in my world, my family prefer it otherwise they're guessing and want to contribute something but don't want to end up with 12 tubs of coleslaw and crisps ! So if I give them a token thing to bring then we all know what to expect! One less thing for me to think about and less guessing for them, and everyone gets what they want.

I can’t see a problem here OP. I would gladly take desserts and ice.

I think you are rude ! Do you really go to someone’s without taking things ? In the rate times I spend a night at someone’s I bring dessert , drinks and if kids are involved breakfast .
in fact I don’t visits anyone without taking something , even for coffee you bring a cake or dessert or something !

I think it’s probably as she doesn’t have kids she is worried about what the kids will eat for dessert. Whenever I have a bbq I always ask for people to bring what soft drinks they like as I haven’t a clue as we don’t drink soft drinks. Happy to,provide everything else.

I completely agree, I also think that she only wants to make sure that your kids enjoy their stay which is why she asked you to bring the dessert. Since she doesn't have kids of her own , it might be difficult for her to figure out what yours might like.

I hope you all have a wonderful time @Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 !

Big tub of strawberries, tub of ice cream, packet of flakes - sorted.

It's really not a big deal.

Of course they do. That's why every supermarket sells bags of it for putting into drinks. It's a very common request if you're having a few people round.

I think that’s tricky I’ve definitely had nights where I’ve said yeah bring some bits with
you and I never go empty handed but if you’ve been told a specific thing to bring I think you can keep it under £10 and the cost of what a bottle would be but I do still get your point too!

Right, it seems to be a handy excuse for not doing the things you should do.

E.g. your DH of 47 years has never cuddled you or told you he loves you? But hey, he puts the bins out, that's his love language so it's all good.

Love language?! When did we start coming up with utter bollocks like this to describe something that didn’t need a wanky phrase?

It’s just personal preferences in a relationship. I always find it interesting when people say their love language is giving/buying gifts or other material demands, it just seems like a way to say you want a transactional relationship.

Id always go with snacks and stuff to a friends. Just good manners

Among my friendship group its generally accepted thst hosting is hard work and help is appreciated. I wouldnt dream of not asking 'what can i bring' and if the host says nothing then ill bring after dinner mints, a bottle and flowers as a minimum. People will generally also ask 'im at the shops any ladt minute thing you need? Its just friendly/courteous imo I think yabu especially if youre staying overnight with kids

Just go with the flow and don't look for things to be offended about.

Dessert fine but why ice? Doesn’t she have a freezer?

Going for a sleepover? All of you? FCS yeah, take wine, dessert, the ice and maybe a family size bag of crisps and dip.
Go to a nice donut shop and get a dozen.
Easy.

Me?
I'd also take some bagels and cream cheese for breakfast, or some croissants.
The comment of, I'm so busy... yada, yada, yada, makes OP sound like hard work.
I'm wondering if she'll tidy up after herself the next day or if towels will be on the floor etc.
I had a friend like this. 😵‍💫
(note that I said, "had")

If I was invited for the night with my kids I'd be thinking: junk food, chocolate, a glass of wine, movies and maybe a face mask and

Yes but as the OP is coming to stay I assume they live some distance apart.
Presumably by the time she arrived there she'd just have a bag of very very cold water 😂

Corner shop?

Well yes - but I would see that more of a last minute request. Not something you'd plan that much in advance 🤷

I get it. The friend is likely just as swamped as OP, though. 🤔