AIBU to feel put out being asked to bring dessert and ice?

[Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39]

I will probably get told I’m being unreasonable here but I’m ready if that’s the case 😂 my friend has invited me and my two kids to stay over for the night, it’s been planned for ages, and ahead of next week I’ve been asked to pick up dessert and ice because she doesn’t know what to get the kids for pudding… it’s lovely that she’s having us, but if I were hosting I’d provide food and drinks, not because I have loads of money or anything but I just feel like that’s what you do when friends come over. I would always bring a bottle over to the hosts house whenever I go somewhere, and so maybe this is the equivalent but I don’t know, something about this is making me annoyed and I’m not sure why!

Youre being silly. In my experience the best hosted evenings happen when the guests feel involved or like they've contributed in some way - small or big. Yes its awesome to be generous with hosting but things are expensive and on an informal get together its perfectly acceptable to ask for small contributions. Stop judging and rating her invitation and way of doing things compared to yours - theyre different. Just enjoy and relax, or you may find these invitations becoming scarcer and scarcer.

This is just how me and my friends do get togethers - we all bring stuff and it gets shared, it takes the load off one person as not everyone can afford to cover absolutely everything, but still want to see their friends!

I have never thought it was weird or rude and it benefits me when it's my turn to host!

I thought ;love languages' was one of those buzz phrases that were in common currency now? I mean, I'm ancient, but that and 'narcissism' are rife on Mumsnet.

<misses point of entire post and wanders off muttering>

"Love language"

It’s a bit off but it would be so bad so as to annoy me. I guess it depends on the casualness of the plan (more casual, then more likely to say to others “you bring…”). Also depends how often you see one another and how often you do these kind of plans. I wouldn’t ask for a whole course to be brought by a guest but she might just mean, bring a tub of ice cream and a lemon tart from the shop (cheaper than wine).

When I host people often bring dessert or cakes, it’s normal. Ice is an odd one, who buys ice? I make it my freezer unless for a huge event eg work stuff

Asking on the day "what can I bring?" seems a bit performative

If you genuinely want yo help, you offer in advance

Hosts rarely wait until the day of the event to plan / shop

No guest has ever offered to bting a chess board to my house!

But I'll offer next time I'm invited somewhere. Will let you know the response

In France, guests usually bring desserts not wine. Your friend may not know what to give your kids for dessert if she’s prepared a special one like Tiramisu with alcohol for you and her. I would not think she’s being rude but probably feels comfortable enough in her relationship with you to ask you to bring something for your kids to enjoy eating after dinner.

You must be very sensitive to be offended by someone hosting you to ask you to bring a dessert! Round here it's common to bring a dessert, bring a bottle etc. to share the load with the host a bit and feel like you've contributed.
I know for a fact if I invite my parents round for a roast dinner, first thing my mum would say is shall I bring the dessert? It's her way of contributing.

I find this really odd to be offended

That doesn't apply to platonic friendships? And if giving people food is your love language why are you so put out by bringing food to her house?! That makes no sense?

This isn’t even worthy of a post! How ridiculous. Stop been so entitled and buy a bloody pudding

Why did you post about it if it's not worthy of a post?! classic MN hypocrisy

Don't pawn off the essentials to your guests. They'll be up all knight trying to source one.

I think it's great she has asked you to bring something specific. Saves duplication and means you get to choose something your kids will enjoy. Get a fancy gateau, frozen ones aren't that expensive , as as special treat

I would never in a million years turn up empty handed - even better that she's told you what she'd like you to bring.
Stop being such misery OP...imaging taking such umbrage to this that you have to post about it. SMH

I brought up that if someone invites you to their home, you never show up handed. Ask what you can bring. If they say nothing, I might bring just some fancy soap wrapped in tissue (if I know that they’re not allergic) or some wine. If they don’t want to serve it at the meal, they can share it later.

But old fashioned is definitely to bring things when you stay with someone or when you go for a meal.
im shocked when people come to mine empty handed. It is very rude. I’m extremely generous but it’s the gesture that’s so important. My children all know this and would never go anywhere empty handed.

Your friend is hosting you and children over night, and you jib at providing a bag of ice and pudding?
I feel sorry for the hostess having a 'friend' like you.

Yes yabu. Choose a lovely dessert and relax

I’m not sure the ice would survive the journey in this weather 😂

But yes it’s normal to ask people to bring stuff.

My brother and dad often are often the hosts of family meals because they have big houses. My sister and I always ask what to bring (plus I bring any GF alternatives I need) and if we are told nothing - take flowers and wine anyway.

Of course it’s normal to ask what you can bring - in which case ‘bring a dessert’ is absolutely fine. That’s completely different from the host asking you to bring dessert unprompted - unless they’re always the one hosting,

And yes it’s normal to bring wine / chocs / flowers and rude not to.

What's wrong in bringing a dessert? This way everyone can share it, including kids. Instead of taking alcohol, you are taking ice cream. What's the big deal?

Just get to Asdas and pick up a lemon meringue pie and some magnums, couple of bags of ice and job done.