AIBU to feel put out being asked to bring dessert and ice?

[Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39]

I will probably get told I’m being unreasonable here but I’m ready if that’s the case 😂 my friend has invited me and my two kids to stay over for the night, it’s been planned for ages, and ahead of next week I’ve been asked to pick up dessert and ice because she doesn’t know what to get the kids for pudding… it’s lovely that she’s having us, but if I were hosting I’d provide food and drinks, not because I have loads of money or anything but I just feel like that’s what you do when friends come over. I would always bring a bottle over to the hosts house whenever I go somewhere, and so maybe this is the equivalent but I don’t know, something about this is making me annoyed and I’m not sure why!

I’d be a bit annoyed at being asked to bring ice simply because I’d be worrying about it all melting on the way, would have to dig out a cool bag and freezer blocks, drive over when I might have walked etc etc

But bringing a contribution in the form of pudding or cheese or nibbles is totally normal. Why is it any different from bringing wine??

It’ll be because she doesn’t know what to buy your kids? They might be tricker or may not be she doesn’t know?

If not and they eat anything - then yeah maybe it’s a pain because if the invites are you to hers and vice versa fairly- it just adds work each time buying stuff and makes no sense

Oh so a love language is how you show your love to the people around you and similarly how you should love, could be that you like physical touch, or words of affirmation is another one.

It’s actually really weird that this has annoyed you.

Love language? Give me strength.

Crikey, get a Vienetta and bag of ice and crack on!

And that’s fair 😂I am usually wrong when I ask if I’m being unreasonable so it’s good to check with Mumsnet! I wouldn’t ask people to bring stuff to mine, I guess the beauty of humanity is we all have different perspectives and views.

I'm with you. I think that if you are hosting then you are hosting; you shouldn't expect guests to bring stuff. If they offer then that's lovely but you shouldn't expect.
However, I also think the world has changed and moved on. I was listening to something on the radio the other day about buying rounds in pubs. The youngsters don't do it; they buy their own. And it's like meals out - it used to be split-the-bill but now it's each pay their own.
The radio described it as 'transactional' friendships.

I always split the bill and would always do rounds (albeit I go out rarely)
I haven’t been to this friends house with both my kids for years, it was planned months ago by her as she wanted to have them stay which is super sweet. Maybe I’m old fashioned 😂

That's why you should have offered before she had to ask.

I’m always grateful if a friend is asking me to bring something specific, especially in informal situations such as this. It’s so much easier that way.

Also, if your love language is acts of service or gifts (unclear which one this falls under) you should be over the moon being able to fulfill her request.

because she doesn’t know what to get the kids for pudding

Children are often fussy about pudding. Maybe she has alternatives for mains, but has run out of ideas for pudding.

To be honest......I'd double check if she meant "ice" or "ice cream" because ice is a bit of an odd one to bring 😂

It's bossy of her to be that specific but if you're very good friends it's a sign she's comfortable enough to ask

I actually think it’s worse that she had to ask before you thought to enquire if there’s anything you could bring. She’d then have been free to either accept or decline, without awkwardness. It’s just good manners when you’re a guest IMO.

Offering to take dessert is standard for us if we are ever invited to lunch or dinner. It's like taking a bottle of wine but when you have kids in tow dessert is universal.

Must be a typo. No one asks for ice.

When she comes to yours, what does she bring or offer to bring?

As a guest wouldn’t you ask “is there anything I can bring for dinner?” I find it more rude you didn’t offer a contribution

I know there are cultures where when you host you “host host” but the UK is not like that - with friends you commonly pitch in and don’t expect a perfect three-course meal with the correct accompanying wines (which is what my German friends would usually do, and you would take a smart bunch of flowers, a good bottle of wine and/or some fancy chocolates to reciprocate.) A bit of ice and kids’ dessert is a lot cheaper and easier than that!

You always bring a bottle but in this case a dessert and ice (cubes?) is what is needed so she's asked you to bring that. And I think the dessert is for your kids, she might have an adult dessert too. Ice cubes for drinks?

JFC

You are part of THREE people going to stay with ONE person.

YABVU to be pissed off at being asked to take dessert and ice.

What's wrong with you @Bigfishlittlefishcardboardbox39 ?

😒

You’re being very unreasonable. I always ask if I can bring something if I am being hosted. I’m never annoyed if the answer is “yes”. It’s small payment for being catered for. You should have asked.

I think you’re getting a hard time.

It sounds like you’re a generous host and you assume others are the same. Without knowing your friend, it’s hard to say if she is generous too.

In my circle, if you have a pot luck, everyone brings a dish and a drink. But if you invite someone over, you provide all food.

It might just be a case of different people doing things differently.

Would be interesting to know what kind of host she turns out to be.