To think if I’d had my time over, I’d have stuck at one child

[knighttime]

I know a lot of people think it’s easier because they play together but honestly life with just one child seems so much nicer, calmer, so much lovely one to one time devoted to one, their interests tailored for and you get to properly enjoy parenting.

I seem to be really unique on this as everywhere I see having two is easier and I don’t see it myself?

It is definitely not the reason. I didn't have more than one just because I was thinking of the first child's feelings. It was having a family, a busy, loving house. All my children (equally) having more people to care about them. I'll be gone before them, and I'm so glad that they all have each other. I am likely biased as my siblings and I have no family outside my Dad, some aunts I rarely see but no one else. Now my children and their children will have all this family.

I understand not wanting more than one, but I don't understand thinking that way after you have your second. Your child whose parent thinks their life would be easier if they didn't exist. A PP said people think this way and just don't want to admit it, but I'd have thought that was the exception rather than the rule?

When we had DC2, some friends said it's more than twice the work. So I was pleasantly surprised. I guess it depends a lot on ages, gaps and temperaments but really I had DC2 as a playmate for my first, rather than for myself. We encourage kindness, sharing a lot. There is bickering which is annoying but I see that as an opportunity to learn to resolve differences. The only time I step in is when there's actual violence (DD2 is 3 so has tantrums). I would have loved to have more time one-on-one with DD1 but at least now I don't have to play dolls with her!

Well you wouldn't KNOW. that you preferred one child to two unless you had the second. Same as people who have a child in the first place and realize they don't actually enjoy being a parent, you don't know until you are in that situation and can't send them back

Lucky they not like my girls tgen

Can you send the younger one back or did you fail to keep the packaging?

I don't know anyone who had 2 or more children thinking it was easier. Everyone I know was/is dreading having a sibling and agonizing about it.

I had a second because I wanted another child. I never thought my life would be easier. I was actually depressed for the whole pregnancy knowing what hardship was waiting for me in the next 12-18 months.

I had 5 so learned to embrace the chaos 😂 I loved having a full house, and often had 7 or 8 kids to feed as their friends always loved coming here. Seeing them all grown up and hanging out together, looking out for each other, makes me really happy. Two of our adult sons share a flat and are best mates. I know when we're gone, they'll all still have each other.

Nope I cannot relate to this and and my two have 30 months and two weeks between them.
I am an only child and it was either zero or two kids. Discussed with my husband as at that time I didn’t want my own biological kids and wanted to adopt which he wasn’t keen on. We agreed on two and I hoped for three.
My eldest had allergies, tongue tie and reflux. Perfect reason to stick at one, he was also very articulate and has always been easy to travel with. Second child was and is still a dream and truly well together 98% of the time.
I have always found it very easy with them and we had the opportunity to experience having two children for five years. Our third was thought about a lot before we decided to have her. After she was born, our home felt complete. The older two are still young f enough to play with her but also old enough to let her have her way.
They are quite close and always call out for each other. I remind them how lucky they are to have each other and to always look after each other.
Eldest does a lot of competitive sports and the youngest loves watching and cheering for him. Amongst our sporting circle there are also kids with similar aged siblings so the siblings of the older ones are in the same group as the younger ones.

Are we busy? Absolutely yes and I love it. My kids are sociable so tend to attract not just only kids but one half of a two kid family. I remember them in Madeira making friends with a French boy (and his sister) who spoke no English and my kids had no French! Is parents had a good laugh at them.

I am happy to facilitate play dates with only child friends as well but I draw the line at holidaying with them. Whilst this is generous, it disrupts our summer plans and I don’t like the idea of my child going away with a friend. Thankfully he has always asked me to say no each time we get the request. We use the summer to completely wind down, play games, and annoy each other 😂😂😂

It's honest.

Its true, i am estranged from mine

One of the reasons i'm sticking with one, despite the urges, i dont want dd to be a step kid (works for others, no judgement, didnt work for me)

The girls will get closer as they get older? X

This is what I mean, I don't understand this thinking at all. How can you wish they'd never been born? I'm not even trying to be mean, I genuinely do not understand the thought process when this is your living child.

I have 3, second one was twins so I went from 1 to 3. like hell is it easier than 1. I think tho that the twins give us balance that eldest being an only wouldn't have had. I think, cos he has additional needs, it practically would have been easier with one - hospital stays, medical appointments, half the stress is childcare for the others. but then I think given those needs, being the absolute solo centre of our Universe wouldn't actually do him good long term

I can see what you’re saying, in some ways. We have one child. Luckily they are very outgoing, always off their with pals. DS would be over larking with your two on holiday! I love that, it’s what we did as kids. I’d never use an iPad or phone for that reason.

Yeah I love having an only dd <smug> 😁

Just to add, I travel with them a lot on my own since they were very young. Once I was at Palma airport with my then 9 year old, 6 year old and 11 month old baby, I got chatting with another mum. She was amazed that I was on my own with all three whilst she had the one baby with her husband and her parents. I told her I was a pro and she was still a rookie, that makes a huge difference.

but the reason you had one is the same reason I tried or have two (got three!). it's a bit like someone who's intentionally child free saying it's self evident that not having children will be calmer, quieter, less expensive than having 1 so why would any one ever have kids

I have 2 and I wouldn't change it. They are great company for each other and both bring me joy (& frustration 😂) every day. If I was younger I would maybe have had a third but I come from a big family and love having so many siblings (though maybe not so much in my sharing a room, younger years). Children are hard work especially in the toddler stage but it does get so much easier when they start school.

Perspective?

I hope you didn't actually say this! How incredibly patronising.

it's not, it's just honest. she had one baby, op had three kids, of course op is more experienced at handling them. unless she patter her hair and said "there there" there's no reason to assume the tone was patronising rather than factual

there's nothing to be smug about tho, you have no idea of you'd be happier with 2, just like I'd have no idea of od be happier with one. having a daughter over a son isn't an an achievement either

I could easily have found her to be equally patronising for complimenting on handling three small and well behaved children on my own but I didn’t.
When I had one child, I packed the kitchen sink and all when travelling (which is what she did). As I got more experienced in parenting, I was able to weed out the important things I need to pack from the “oh I’ll bring it just in case”. So yes I have experience that she doesn’t have yet but will in time have.

Thankfully we had a good laugh over the joys of new parenting and some of the things we thought were important (like wipe warmers) and none of us saw offence in each other’s comments. But this is Mumsnet, someone that it doesn’t relate to is bound to feel offended 😂😂😂

I always laugh when people say it’s easier as they can play together! ha! My kids have never played together they just fight and argue, never understood how it’s “easier” unless they really do get on and share similar interest. Mine spend the whole day arguing. I wish I had only had one life seems way easier.

Last night I woke up to hysterical laughter coming from my lounge. I got up to find out what was going on… my teen DD and Teen DS doubled over laughing about something (they said best they didn’t tell me what!!).

I left them to it and just loved listening to the murmur of them chatting and laughing together. Yes they’ve bickered and argued but that in itself is a learning curve… learning how to argue and bicker with someone who isn’t in a position of authority (a parent) but then having to get over it and share a bathroom with them!

It doesn’t benefit me to have a sibling - in fact it’s ruined my life.

We were compared all my life with me treated unfairly.
She is a narcissistic (I never use that word to describe someone lightly but my sister is textbook and other people who know her agree) and thinks of only herself.

She stole from me - including my inheritance and stole from my mum when she was dying.
She tried to sleep with my boyfriends to upset me and destroyed any possessions I treasured as we were growing up.

I haven’t spoken to her for 8 years and don’t want to, she only contacted me when she wanted something anyway.

We did nothing but argue and I was miserable from the day she was born. My mum said on more then one occasion that she thought it would have been so much better for me if she’d stopped after having me and struggled with my sisters behaviour.

It might benefit some people to have siblings as they get older but I know plenty of people who are estranged from theirs and much happier. I don’t think it’s rare to have siblings that don’t get on and there are multiple examples on this thread alone.