Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

Urgh. I wouldn’t want to be with a man like that.

That's grim....

That kind of vulgarity is grim, unnecessary and inappropriate for a mixed-audience family event. I'd find it fairly unattractive that your DP didn't have better judgement, let alone whether or not it reflects his wider views.

Eww.

Big no from me. Also suggests a rather low intelligence if he couldn't come up with something funny without being disgusting.

Gross and embarrassing.

That’s awful! The poor bride must have been gutted!!
DH had 3 best men speeches (don’t ask it was a tad complicated!) and they all gave beautiful, grown up speeches! How old is your DP and his friend? 18?

Inappropriate, not funny, and not like any best man’s speech I’ve heard. If everyone in the audience was also laughing, you’d do well to ditch the partner and the people he hangs around with.

🤮

I'm sure the bride's family regarded him as quite a catch...
I bet the fil was searching How To Get A Marriage Annuled on his phone..

You know what you heard OP.
You now know what type of man he is.
It's your choice: if you want to be in a relationship with a crude, disgusting, excuse for a human being fair enough. Personally I wouldn't even want to look at him after hearing that speech.

Disgusting. I hate ‘lad’ culture and the expectation that your best friend will absolutely destroy you in public via their speech. Not to mention the fact so many of these ‘men’ litter these speeches with rampant misogyny and homophobia.

I’ve heard so many of this type of speech and I’ve hated it every single time, and I consider myself to have a pretty good sense of humour and actually love a risky joke or two. I just can’t get on board with these speeches. They remind me of the cringe groom speeches you see on Instagram where the groom talks incessantly about sex with his wife and wheeeey the old ball and chain gag and seems to do his absolute best to embarrass his new wife.

My husbands best man gave a lovely speech. It had a few funny moments about their childhood, and a few references to funny drunk nights out together, but absolutely nothing about ugly/fat women, gay sex or shitting themselves. Everyone was simultaneously in tears laughing and in tears with emotion.

If your husband had to resort to typical lad humour to get a rise out of people, I wouldn’t blame you for finding it a massive ick.

Ugh how embarrassing for you to be associated with him. I’d be mortified if my DP made any of those ‘jokes’ when tasked with a best man speech. I know it’s tradition to somewhat roast the groom, but there’s ways to joke about him without making his new wife wish she’d left him standing at the altar. If that’s what you’ve got to look forward to from his friends I’d be declining his proposal or at the very least eloping, but honestly it would massively give me the ick for him.

Revolting

Terribly clichéd and unimaginative. But also, assuming there were older relatives and kids, it's so out of order.

I'd be very disappointed and embarrassed if a partner did this.

No thats not good.
In fact I’d find it hard to be with someone who thought that was an appropriate speech at a family wedding.
We all like a laugh but he crossed the cringe line for sure. Eww

It’s a hard no from me. The best man at a friend’s wedding gave a similarly awful speech, she was mortified. I’d be so embarrassed if my DH gave a speech like that. Are they very young?

I'd dump him for that. He's revolting, and how he ever imagined that saying things like that would be appropriate during a wedding in front of family and friends of all ages is beyond comprehension.

Tell him that he doesn't need to worry about his friend getting his own back at his own wedding, because it ain't going to happen any time soon, and it certainly won't be with you.

That stuff might be OK on a stag night, but it's highly inappropriate for a best man's speech at a wedding. I would be mortified and embarrassed if my partner made a speech like that.

Did he thank people for coming, compliment the bride and bridesmaids, pay respects to the couples’ parents - especially if they were paying for the wedding?

That’s the main job of a BM.

Was everyone listening over 18? I hope so. How did older guests, who may have grown up in a more decorous era, react?

Sounds fairly standard for a best man speech to me.

You can roast a groom without being vulgar. That's several pretty grim things that got in; one or two might just be misreading the room, this many suggests his mind is in the wrong place. This is also all many of the bride's family friends will ever know about the groom and will build their picture of him based on it. Utterly classless.

Unfunny and inappropriate. He’s coming across as very stupid and juvenile. I would have been mortified if there had been a speech like that at my wedding. In fact I’m surprised no one intervened! There is no way my dad would have listened to that tripe.

Ugh. So if nothing else, he's told you there'll be a similar speech at your wedding (should you marry him)?

I recently saw Best Man speech designed to good naturedly make the groom uncomfortable. It was all about how "gooey" the groom went immediately after meeting the bride for the first time.

I don't think this kind of speech, in front of presumably, a multi generational audience, is normal, funny or OK.

Wow! 😲 This is a whole bunting full of red flags OP!

I am a wedding celebrant, and have heard many, many best man speeches (and written a fair few as part of my role). There’s nothing remotely funny or appropriate about your DP’s speech! It’s really disrespectful of him. The ‘laughs’ were probably to cover up embarrassment…and I can’t imagine the bride found any of this funny!

I don’t mind the Jabba the Hut comment in the sense it feels quite generic rather than about a single person and is funny in that context.

Everything else would give me the ick as I don’t want a speech like that at my wedding in front of my family, so if that’s what he’s telling you to expect, I’d be out.