Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

He's revealed quite a lot about himself and his values. If the people in attendance -presumably many of them are people he's chosen to be friends with - found it funny then it says a lot about them too. If that's not who you are and don't want to be then that's totally fair enough. Better to find out now. This kind of culture clash won't get any better with time.

What was the audience? If it is all people of a similar age (and they were all laughing) seems like he judged his audience well.

If there were kids and grandparents it's quite inappropriate. 1 and 3 on your list are okay for little ears but the sex stuff isn't unless it was just heavily implied.

Unless that’s the kind of speech you want at your wedding I’d get out now before it’s too late….

Another mumsnet classic. Most people in attendance were laughing, but according to mumsnet, this relatively tame best man speech is a breakup level offence.

Do not take advice from these Protestants. It’s normal for a best man speech’s to be risqué, I’ve heard far worse than what your DP has said. Is he crude or gross or lowbrow in literally any other way in your experience? Or, as I suspect, was it a one off to embarrass his friend?

Suppose depends on bride and grooms tastes
That would have gone down like lead balloon if my dh best man did a speech like that. Mil would have possibly rugby tackled him over the table after the first crood sentence

Eww no, too much. It is fairly traditional for a best man to take the piss out of a groom a bit, but he needs to ‘read the room’ and consider the mix of guests. He can do that by gently mocking his dress sense or suggesting the bride is out of his league, that sort of thing rather than strap-ons and shit.

Is he normally like this or is this a one-off, terrible judgement call resulting from speech nerves and terrible advice from online videos?

The important thing is how it went down with the bride and groom and to a lesser extent, the guests in general. If he judged his audience well, I don't think you can hold it against him. If this is genuinely his idea of a hilarious speech, no matter who the audience, I wouldn't be impressed.

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The content was so inappropriate, it's not just swearing that's wrong. Plus the description of the woman was horrible and not funny at all

@grapesstrawberriespleass I hate ‘lad’ culture and the expectation that your best friend will absolutely destroy you in public via their speech. Not to mention the fact so many of these ‘men’ litter these speeches with rampant misogyny and homophobia.

You say you hate 'lad' culture, and yet, 'lads' always seem to be able to find girlfriends and partners.

Which is evident in the fact that OP is in a relationship with a 'lad'.

You can say you hate 'lads'... but yet, they're the men finding relationships...

You might find some if the laughter was nervous laughter to.

Yeah that’s not only gross but no regard for the bride and grooms family that were in that room. Big red flag.

This is gross. I tried to imagine my husband (who is a decent person) giving this speech and I just can’t picture it. Please don’t ignore these red flags, it’s not ‘normal’ or ‘standard best man speech’ stuff.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

What a complete wanker.

So it was all about him and his friend and he couldn't give a toss about the bride or the B&G's family and friends?

Utterly crass and the sort of talk that should be kept to the stag night, if he has to say those things at all.

Gross.

I’ve been to plenty of weddings where the best man speech has been funny, without being crass, and laughing at the groom but not in a way that felt at all unpleasant.

But I suppose, in his slight defence, not everyone is funny. And it must be a lot of pressure for an unfunny person to have to write a speech that everyone expects to be funny. And in that situation, an unfunny person may reach for things along those lines.

Giant ick. I wouldn’t be able to look at him the same. Or his friends if everyone was laughing.

I’m embarrassed for him and you after reading that. I can’t imagine what you see in him. And I fell really sorry for the bride and her family.

Yes good point, do you know anyone there well enough to ask what they thought of it honestly?

Absolutely horrific - I'm no pearl clutcher but crude, rude and disrespectful - I would def finish it

Yuk. Why did you attach yourself to a man like that?

He talked about anal sex and 'huge cocks' in front of children?
I have no words.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get

Well then I certainly wouldn’t be marrying him @Molsmol8 , unless you want a speech like that at your wedding. It would honestly be enough to make me split with someone now. My DH was best man for his friend and made a few jokes at the grooms expense, along the lines of how did he ever find anyone to marry him, just the normal expected stuff. Everyone expects a best man speech to be funny but the comments your DP made were just disgusting and immature.

I don’t understand your response to this post……..

What’s your point? The OP is describing exactly why they find relationships: patriarchy means woman constantly question themselves when they are repulsed by male behaviour, and don’t follow their instincts.

Me too - maybe cos I am no doubt from a different generation from OP and other posters but pretty normal stuff for me.

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