Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

Grim. I always find these sorts of speeches so awful and inconsiderate. It's just not something that many people there will want to hear. Just because they're laughing, it doesnt mean they necessarily find it funny.

I've been to a few weddings like this and have kind of laughed along out of a kind of nervous horror whilst listening to the best man deliver a horrific speech whilst Auntie Doris has to sit and listen.

The fact that your DP thinks it is okay to describe a woman that way is also very telling.

If it were me, I'd be out.

I doubt his new wife loved it at all.

So this is what you’ll get at your wedding if you marry this man.

If this wasn't low grade to you, I'd hate to think what is !!!!

Point one. The groom is prob closeted. Point two : the “worst” man is selfish and made it about himself, point 3 everybody laughed to mask discomfort and discussed privately same way you did

I like it if a man respects me enough not to swear in front of me. Personally, I hate the way some people F and Blind every time they speak; it shows a distinct lack of being able to express yourself with any imagination.

I don't see anything here that would make me question my relationship. Unless you're been under a rock, this is normal for good male friends. Far worse for military colleagues, trust me! Nothing wrong here, really.

Yeah, his repertoire is extremely limited and when you strip away all the swearing, it's all just bigotry or punching down.

He's at a wedding reception, he's not standing in a barracks. If he can't tailor his speech to the audience and take into consideration that all kinds of people, incl children, will be present, it shows a woeful lack of social acumen.

I mean... horses for courses and humour is a personal thing and he was obviously putting on a bit of an act. But he obviously felt it would go down well and it did, which also says something to me about the company he keeps as well as who he is. If it's not your cup of tea, imagine sitting through whatever his best man might say if it was you getting married. What would your father think?

Only possible excuse is it's a teenage wedding and he might grow up a bit.

Personally though - I'd have a big fat ICK by now.

At a wedding with children and grandparents and great-aunts there? Talking this way at a stag is one thing but not at a wedding.

That’s just gross.

I'd have been horrified to have that speech at my wedding

The jokes themselves don’t worry me too much if it was banter on a stag night - but totally inappropriate at a wedding. I imagine a lot of people were embarrassed even if they didn’t show it.

I’ve not RTFT so you may have said, but I’m curious if you believe yourself to be older or younger ?

I'm older.
Not so bothered about silly jokes. If you worked in the City in the 80's as a woman you develop a thick skin. Not saying that's right of course but nothing really offends me now.
X

I’m cringing for you op!

I went to a wedding last year where the best man made lots of comments like this thinking he was hilarious, and along with that the FOTB also said something to the effect of ‘if your mother had done like I asked, you would have ended up down her throat instead of sitting here next to me’. I still shudder thinking about it.

I did wonder. Yes I think our generation is in general less easily offended.

Yes. I heard something recently about the benefits of employing older people one being
You can all go out for a drink after work and no one feels the need to involve HR the next day.

Theres some truth in that.

X

Stupid old goat.

It's nothing to do with age. I am also "older" and have worked in different male-dominated environments including agriculture and with military personnel, so no stranger to this type of "humour". But this type of stuff should be for the stag night not the wedding. It's just good manners.

Yuk - I would dump 100%!

Oh I agree it’s inappropriate and better suited to stag night.

Oh God...I feel genuinely nauseous.

It's men, though,isn't it? But how can any man - especially some old goat, as someone has already designated this disgusting FOTB - think this is OK to say to wedding guests? I'm seriously asking. Do they think it's a turn on for the ladies? Do they think it makes them seem like virile young stallions? Who is this kind of remark aimed at?

I've never been to a wedding with people like this. But having read what I've read on here, if I did find myself in the same room as anyone who behaved like this I'd leave. And then go and have a shower.

Are you prone to nausea from reading things? You might want to check that out as it sounds exhausting.

Also - why the ageist ‘old goat’ comment? It’s gross but his age is irrelevant.

yes, ridiciulous isnt it, some ppl have absolutely no sense whatsoever (the best man, groom and many guests were all rugby guys, so used to being raucous)