Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

Vicky Pollard how very two decades ago. No imagination whatsoever.

I have been to a lot of weddings, at least half a dozen in the last 5 years.

Not one speech was like that.
I suppose because our circle and family, and their extended circle aren't low class.

This is low class uncouth behaviour.

Decent people don't find such vulgarity funny in front of a bride on her day.

Stag nights can be different I guess, I have never been at one.

No one I know would humiliate the groom and the bride on their day by speaking like this, they know better.

They care too much about them to feel being vulgar and crass is appropriate.

I witnessed some hilarious bestman speeches that managed to entertain without being crude.

It is possible.
He is rough, uncouth, and this is your future.

Would your family feel proud of such a speech in front of your relatives?

What sort of background does he come from that he thinks this is appropriate?

It screams Jeremy Kyle OP.
Think long and hard about marrying down.

How unoriginal. That's embarrassing. What an idiot.

Are you married to him?
Will this happen at your wedding IF you were to marry him?

Yuck!

How long have u been dating ?
How embarrassing he sounds like he lacks intelligence tbh I'd find this really off putting myself ! Dump dump dump otherwise u shall be hearing this crap at your wedding !!!

The BM speeches at the weddings I’ve been to were courteous in thanking and complimenting the relevant people. There were a few funny’s stories from school or university, all of which a 5 year old could happily have listened to.

This must be because these chaps were well-brought up, considerate, respectful, sophisticated men with great taste and judgment.

I don’t agree with you that people objecting to OP’s partner are out of order. I think you must know some strange people!

that is revolting. the type of person who would talk like that is not someone I would want to be with.

Bet he's the sort to discuss/joke about your sex life..
Imagine marrying him and that mate making the best man speech..
Run op.

God if I had my children at a wedding and one of the adults started talking about huge cocks and strap ons in a speech I’d be furious. That’s not on.

He is too lazy and stupid to come up with some clean jokes and stories. Appalling really.
Nasty. Lazy thinking.
He believes any thing smutty is clever, good and OK. It is not..

Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

What a horrible thought to add to a wedding. Poor bride. What lack of dignity.
Eeugh!

I've never heard a speech like that and I'd be embarrassed for everyone involved if I did, and hurt for the bride.
Do we take it from this that his mates are also obnoxious dickheads? If so do you really want them in your life either?

I’ve been there. My ex husband did the most horrific speech I’ve ever heard. I can’t bear to even think about it. Even made sexual comments about the groom’s mother. It was a huge wedding and he made an absolute disgusting show of himself. Yes I’d be worried about a man who lacked social skills to that extent. Absolutely foul.

Same. I’ve heard worse.

It wouldn’t bother me.

What would bother me is his general attitude in everyday life. If he’s normally a lovely and decent person and this best man speech was a “banter-y one off” I wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

Are you sure he is the right person for you?

Haha. You don’t get an advance preview to approve the content. If you don’t want to hear a speech like that on your wedding day, don’t marry a man who thinks it’s acceptable to give a speech like that.

Well you know what your wedding speeches will be like now - how grim. I couldn’t be with someone with so little respect for women.

How long have you been with him OP? If this is a recent enough relationship this would be a sufficient red flag for me to seriously reconsider whether we were compatible.

If he has been your partner for 10 years - well only you know if this is an aberration or if he is often humourless, uncouth filthy and inappropriate. If my dh gave a speech like that i'd nearly have booked him an appointment with a doctor it would be so out of character.

Fuck me 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Classic Mumsnet Classism bingo over here!

Low class? CHECK

Uncouth? CHECK

Vulgar? CHECK

Crass? CHECK

Rough? CHECK

Jeremy Kyle? BINGO!

I could never imagine living such a stuck up, snobby and sheltered life that I’d describe a stranger in this manner over a best man speech.

About a year and a half - he’s been brilliant in that time, nothing but respectful.

What an embarrassment your with!

I wouldn't like that. It's very crass but maybe it did appeal to most of his audience. Not really going to give guests great memorable moments from the wedding is it?

Are you aware that there is more than one woman in the world?

Your comment makes about as much sense as me saying "YOU say you don't like sports, but then why do so many men watch football?! Make it make sense! Bloody men, always saying one thing and doing another".

My cousin gave a speech like that at his brother's wedding, including impugning the bride's reputation for laughs, and I was really shocked. Everyone else thought it was hilarious. I have to say, my cousin has turned out to be a fab husband and father who adores his wife and they are still very much together 25 years later. So on that very one-off anecdotal piece of evidence, I would say don't worry. It's a bro's thing.