Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get.

Well that would have made my decision to never marry him! No way am I having shite like that at my wedding. So if I wanted to marry one day, it'd be over.

If I was the bride I wouldn't be speaking to him again after being asked if I had a strap-on. If my new DH remained thick-as-thieves with him, our marriage probably wouldn't last, because there's no way I'd be happy having to leave my own home every time he was there just so I could avoid him.

The shitting himself story would probably give me the ick by itself. Perhaps there's the rare occurrence where such a story could be funny 🤷 but if it involves being wasted or otherwise disgusting, definite ick for me.

The thing about the "ugly" girl, as long as she wasn't named or could be recognised (by herself or others), that wouldn't bother me. It's ridiculous to think men judge a woman by anything other than her looks. They might be interested in personality etc and decide that outranks looks when finding a partner, but they all seem to think about women generally in terms of attractiveness and so it comes out in their speech. If she was recognisable eg "his third girlfriend" or an accurate description of her or something like that then, yeh, I'd not be impressed because he'd be putting the funniness of his speech above someone's feelings. So much gets video'd and posted online these days there's no guarantee it wouldn't get back to her even if she wasn't there.

Sounds like he should audition for a part in the Inbetweeners!

They do so often forget that they're not on their lads' night out now and children, parents, grandparents and people who just plain don't like that are listening... not to mention how horrible it is to really, truly embarrass someone like that.

Yuk - a red flag!! 🚩

How does your partner know that this bloke likes it up the bum?!

Yeah it's really stupid and crass.

It would make me seriously question the company he keeps. And yes, it would put me right off.

There are ways to have fun during a BM speech. Nuanced ways, double entendres. But this takes a bit of intelligence and wit.

Cheap, bawdy jokes would make me shrivel in more ways than one.

Says a lot about him and the "audience", in other words the company he keeps. Best man speeches usually had some slightly risque reference in my day but it was always something that you could pretty much say in front of a mixed crowd, and it was generally quite funny. This on the other hand was just pure filth. Your partner's talking utter bollocks about "giving as good as he'll get". He sounds like a prick with a low IQ.

It sounds like he knew his crowd. And I think there are some groups in which this would be a pretty run of the mill best man speech. But it would make me see a DP differently if he hadn't shown this kind of humour in the past.

I would have been a bit pissed off if DH's best man had gone down this route - as others have said, you can roast the groom without resorting to cheap (and also borderline homophobic/misogynistic) stuff about anal pleasure.

Well he’s given you a preview of your wedding! Dump.

I wouldn’t accept even half of that speech at my wedding - no way! The bride looked to be laughing when I glanced at her a couple of times, although I’m not sure what other choice she had.

That sounds like stag-do speech material, not best man in front of family and friends of all ages. Very inappropriate.

I can't imaging my DH saying any of those things, in any circumstances, and I can't imagine myself wanting to be in a relationship with such a man. Gross.

You do know that the majority of sane women (some men too) in the room were wondering why you think you can't do better than him.

I wouldn’t accept even half of that speech at my wedding - no way!

Hoping your wedding won’t be to this clown… thing is OP, as a bride the BM speech is not something you have much say over usually. Even if you do, they can still go rogue on the night.

What do your friends think?

The poster is a man. Probably hasn't got a partner and a bit bitter about it, judging by the comment.

I think it's a comment along the lines of "women say they want a good man but they ignore the good ones and go for the bad ones", (whilst completely ignoring that their idea of good and the women-they're-after's idea of good may be entirely different).

How awful that he set out to make his best friend feel awkward and embarrassed on his wedding day. That's not the actions of a good person. My DHs best man told sweet stories about my DH as a kid at school, told me I looked beautiful and thanked everyone for coming. That's what grown ups do for their friends, surely. I've been to several weddings and sure there have been some funny stories but never anything intended to make the groom feel uncomfortable and unhappy. The whole thing sounds awful, OP.

Male here and I'm in agreement it's absolutely grim and I felt uncomfortable reading the OP.
I consider myself to have a good and yes dark sense of humour at times (I think secretly we all do) but what he said was just awful in that context

Male here and I'm in agreement it's absolutely grim and I felt uncomfortable reading the OP.
I consider myself to have a good and yes dark sense of humour at times (I think secretly we all do) but what he said was just awful in that context

How long has he been your DP for? Have you never seen him like this before? I’d be mortified if I was the bride.

The point is that it makes no sense. If 'lads' are repulsive and obnoxious, then why do they universally have partners?

I grew up in a military family, all big on jokes, sarcasm, swearing etc.

None of that was remotely funny, I’d have got the ick hearing my other half come out with that and I’d have felt the need to apologise to the bride on his behalf.
The “huge cock” line at a family wedding with children present is actually disgusting. I’d have cringed so bad. Was that supposed to be a compliment to the bride?

What a tit.

Speeches can be v funny without being offensive if they are written by intelligent people. Your partner is not one, I’m afraid.

'It’s normal for a best man speech’s to be risqué'

It wasn't risqué it was cringeworthy and crap.

I'd run for the hills op. He sounds an insufferable wanker, sorry.

@WhatNextImScared What’s your point? The OP is describing exactly why they find relationships: patriarchy means woman constantly question themselves when they are repulsed by male behaviour, and don’t follow their instincts.

That makes no sense. There is no logical reason to be in a relationship with a repulsive person when non-repulsive options are available.

Gross. But I haven;t heard many good Best Man speeches. The worst was at a close friend's wedding. Everyone was cringing.