Holiday - to rebook or let them go?

[HealthConcerns24]

As a family we have had a “dream holiday” booked for around a year that took 3 years to save for. We are due to go in 3 weeks and it’s for a 3 week holiday. It’s me, my husband and our 2 children in early to late teens.

This past weekend I ended up in hospital with a pretty serious health event, think cardio, and I cannot travel for this holiday, still in hospital and not sure how long I’ll be here for.

Just today my husband said we needed to discus the holiday. I thought he was going to discuss moving it to another time in which I can come but no, he seems to think is acceptable that the 3 of them go and I stay home and recover, alone, and just don’t go at all.

AIBU to think we should just rebook the whole thing until I’m well enough to go or am I selfish to even consider asking them to stay home and rebook?

im off my head on pain meds and can’t even think about this logically right now.

I think it depends whether the insurance will allow for it all to be rebooked. In our house we’d all look to reschedule but if it wasn’t possible then the rest would go. In your case though it sounds like your DH is a bit of a selfish prick. If he were mine I wouldn’t reschedule for too far into the future as I’d be planning on divorcing him fairly soon after such poor behaviour

Your husband is vile, what a self centred monster of a human. He says you’re being selfish asking to move the holiday, yet he’s happy to leave you alone, with no support, after major surgery following direct explicit advice that you should not be left alone just so he can go on holiday. What the fuck.

Reading your update where you need help at home then he's being totally selfish. In sickness and in health were the vows he took.
With the insurance covering most of it, it needs to be rebooked. Actually, the moment it was known that you are unable to stay at home alone is when the holiday was 100% off for this year.

Get well soon OP, I do hope you'll be ok. Scary times.

Hi OP, I am a travel insurer by trade. Most policies would allow you to cancel and re-book i would have a look at the medical cancellation wording. An excess will be applied

If this is the case and frankly even if it is not, then you need to cancel until you are well enough to travel. I am amazed he would leave when you need support

Wow, your husband sounds like a shit role model to your children, I would hate my children to be as selfish and self centred as he is.

id be telling him that if he abandons you to go his holiday when you are needing help and support after an operation then the marriage would be over.

there is not a chance my dh would go and leave me at home.

Your DH sounds very selfish. Your insurance should definitely cover it and there is no way that you should be left alone after having major surgery! I'd get your 20yo son and daughter on your side to insist that they don't want to go without you. Do you think your DH just doesn't want to have to deal with you as you recuperate? I can't imagine mine even suggesting they leave me alone.

There's no way my kids would go without me. Would yours? Not really a family holiday without mum is it 😕
Hopefully you get it sorted and your husband sees sense.
But for me, id really be questioning my marriage at this point.
Hope everything goes well with your op and you are feeling better soon 💐

If he goes without you, change the locks while he's gone.

This needs cancelling now and save the money for a trip when you are well.

There should be absolutely no choice between going and leaving you alone against medical advice or having a holiday without you.

Tell him to sort his shit out and get this cancelled.

Otherwise I'd be changing the locks if he goes and filing for immediately divorce. I would make this clear to him.

It's not a conversation the children should be involved in but I would 100% make the eldest aware of the medical advice.

You can probably also change the dates for the flights (with paying for whatever increased costs that might incur) because of the situation. Just call the airline. I was able to do that when my DM was dying.

It makes me really sad and upset whenever I read threads like this I wonder when the bar was set so low and also wonder where people's self respect are nowadays? Reading all your replies it sounds like the bar is well and truly through the floor with this one i honestly feel so sorry for you being stuck married to someone so selfish I just hope you see your self worth one day and get rid and know that u can do better sorry no advice too shocked and appalled.

You can’t book plane tickets 3 years in advance….something isn’t right here. No airline releases flights that early.

I can't believe what I'm reading here. He's a horrible man, how's the marriage?

So not only does he want to go, he wants to leave you alone to recover from surgery and lie to the hospital about you being there alone?

I'm so so sorry OP. This thread has broken my heart tbh. I would tell your husband (not DH, he certainly isn't bloody "dear") that if he doesn't rebook then he can expect to find himself without a wife when he gets home.

Going on your dream holiday without you, when you have travel insurance and can easily move the holiday, is bad enough. Going against medical advice and lying to the hospital to leave you alone and not wanting to look after you is just terrible.

Honestly if he does move the holiday, I'd leave him once you get back anyway. He sounds selfish and if he doesn't want to take care of the person he's meant to love when she's poorly and recovering from surgery then he doesn't deserve you.

Sending big hugs, I hope your surgery goes well 💐

Your husband sounds dreadful and selfish. He knows you will need some help and doesn't seem to give a toss. I could have some sympathy (not very much but some) for his point of view if cancelling meant losing all the money you've paid but you have travel insurance. Just cancel, get your money back and book another holiday when you're better. Or put it towards a divorce.

Your travel insurance should cover the flights as well as rest, regardless of whether it was booked as a package.

You can't book flights 3 years in advance. And even if you could, there's absolutely no way that you can get 4 return flights to the USA in August for £1000, unless he's put avios/airmiles towards it.

I would be asking to see all the booking confirmations. Hopefully he has definitely bought travel insurance because some of the other things he has told you about this holiday do not add up.

I’d try and speak with the travel agent and see if they have any suggestions or can pull any strings. If they are unable, I would speak to the holiday insurance.

It is a bit of a stinger, as you’ll be feeling crap to start with, but a bit of time at home to recover with no husband or kids might turn out to be quite nice, unless your going to need them around for support/care.

sending you lots of well wishes.

I really don’t think he’s telling you the truth, that would concern me!

OP didn’t say they booked three years in advance, she said they saved for three years and the holiday has been booked for around a year.

if you have insurance that will allow you to reschedule or receive a refund they shouldn’t go. if you are going to lose the cost of the holiday they should go without you.

I’d be rethinking the marriage if he goes.

Yes she did

**yeah we are UK. We booked the flights 3 years ago and we fly to a different place in USA, have a layover and fly the next day. With one of the smaller airlines too so probably why it was so cheap.

She did.

What a shitty DH you have. I was diagnosed with breast cancer and we had a trip to Disneyland Paris booked and a trip to Turkey kids were 4 and 7 at the time. The last thing any of them would have wanted was to go without me.
It took a little time, but we managed to get the money back for DLP and then moved the turkey holiday to the next year.
I really hope you have a good support network around you as I think you have a DH problem. If he does go away, I’d take that time to decide what you want, if anything, from the relationship.

I would definitely misplace his passport a short time beforehand if my DH tried to go through with this kind of shit. Of course, he wouldn't and the kids wouldn't.

If that was his first option without looking at all other possibilities he is incredibly selfish!