Holiday - to rebook or let them go?

[HealthConcerns24]

As a family we have had a “dream holiday” booked for around a year that took 3 years to save for. We are due to go in 3 weeks and it’s for a 3 week holiday. It’s me, my husband and our 2 children in early to late teens.

This past weekend I ended up in hospital with a pretty serious health event, think cardio, and I cannot travel for this holiday, still in hospital and not sure how long I’ll be here for.

Just today my husband said we needed to discus the holiday. I thought he was going to discuss moving it to another time in which I can come but no, he seems to think is acceptable that the 3 of them go and I stay home and recover, alone, and just don’t go at all.

AIBU to think we should just rebook the whole thing until I’m well enough to go or am I selfish to even consider asking them to stay home and rebook?

im off my head on pain meds and can’t even think about this logically right now.

I don’t know what I’d be more upset by, the lack of holiday cancellation or the fact he’s happy to leave you on your own to recuperate after being ill enough to (still) be in hospital!

Clearly it should be rescheduled if possible.

tbh if this were me and after reading your updates I’d end the marriage. Life’s too short to spend it with selfish, inconsiderate bell ends.

With quite a lot of confidence, I believe Virgin refund you if you cancel flights booked with points. My friend just had to. You get the taxes and charges back, and the points. I can’t say for other airlines or ticket types but you seem to be in quite a good position to change it all for low / no cost.

I absolutely cannot get my head round him being prepared to leave you to have surgery and then to struggle at home on your own. Even if we would lose all the money I don’t think I could let my DH go through that alone. The fact you can reschedule means there is no excuse not to be there to support you and then make sure you can all enjoy your dream trip together. (Or maybe without him seeing as he doesn’t think it would be a big deal to leave someone behind)

I hope you feel better soon OP. Try to rest and not worry and as you recover start thinking about all of this.

it doesn’t sound like a happy relationship. I’ve sadly had a few miscarriages but I didn’t have a partner go on holiday at the same time.

my DP is far from perfect but I had to have major surgery years ago. I also had to be cared for at home afterwards and had a year of physio. We’d only been dating for a few years. He reorganised his life, got a job in my town and moved in to look after me.

Wow! He’s going to leave you go cope for yourself when you aren’t able to do anything and expect a friend to ‘pop in’? I’d tell him to go on holiday on his own and don’t come back.

I was thinking that too. So I assume the husband has lied about when the flights were really booked and had the savings in between.

I was coming to say the same as the PP a couple of replies above - I'd let him go but I certainly wouldn't welcome him back, he could stay gone!
It isn't even (just) the holiday, he couldn't give a shit about you and that's really sad.

We cancelled a trip last year when my husband developed a heart problem that meant he could no longer fly. There was no way that I was going to leave him on his own after that news.

Caring for someone is hard, I was sad, and it was a shame to miss the holiday, but it was a case of all of us or none of us. We went instead to a U.K. seaside resort and had a really nice time. We got all of the money back on travel insurance.

His health is a lot better now, but I don’t know where we would be had I been the sort of person to leave him and go with our child. I don’t think our marriage would have survived something like that. When you partner is very poorly you show up for them, that’s what you’ve signed up for.

Of course there was a part of me that wanted to be in Italy. But I wanted to be in Italy with him, not without him.

Your husband isn’t fit for the name imo.

Oh my goodness!

I think his attitude is awful. They should not go if you can easily move it and it’s just a case of waiting.

The second thing you said - about them probably going anyway. Does this mean your husband would just overrule you and take them? That’s so worrying.

I ltb for similar behaviour when I was ill. He is no peach.
Hope you are on the road to recovery soon.

Flights booked with Air Miles can usually be cancelled and rebooked, so you won’t lose anything if you wait until you feel better. I’m really upset with your husband. It’s not right that he is willing to leave you alone to fend for yourself and is totally fine with you missing a family vacation you were looking forward to.

Most travel insurance isn’t going to refund or rebook the entire holiday when 1 adult of a party of 3 adults and 1 child can’t travel. Especially since travel costs are only going up.

And believe you me, they will trawl all your medical records for any hint of pre-existing and therefore undeclared cardio conditions that would make your insurance null and void.

if it were true you could just rebook it for only £400 excess- they’d likely only give you 12 months, are you going to be any more able to go in 12 months?

As it is Disney, isn’t it more for your DC anyway? The 20yo is already well beyond the age where Disney is magic. The 12yo will be in a year or two. Unless you’re die hard Disney fans but then if you were you’d have gone years ago and more than once.

Anyway, if it can be rebooked and you can afford the excess and you can travel within the limits then, yes rebook. I doubt it will be that simple though given my own experience with travel insurance.

What a horrible horrible man. I cannot imagine how selfish you have to be to ask your wife to lie about being alone at a time when the hospital literally say you can’t be alone, so you can go on a holiday. If I were you I’d be exploring how you can get your care needs met elsewhere so you can ask him to leave.

Oh OP, having read your further posts, I’m so sorry your ‘D’H is such a dick.

What on earth would possess him to think it is acceptable to leave to you fend for yourself post-op. Literally anything could happen if you are weak and trying to navigate life for three weeks alone!

If this were me, I honestly think this would be a marriage deal breaker as it’s clear he cares more about his own interests than the welfare of his family.

I hope you make a quick and full recovery ❤️‍🩹

@HealthConcerns24

So you're going either to DL (CA) or WDW? I'm a 'Disneyholic' (and proud of it!) and I can tell you that if you booked through Disney or are staying onsite even if booked through another agent, Disney is wonderful with health-related cancellations. We had to cancel a 2 wk stay at WDW in 2023 due to my being diagnosed with a condition that needed immediate treatment and they waived the $200 cancel fee and simply moved it to 6 months later. Easy Peasy. That's for a Disney hotel and park tickets, the flights you have to deal with the airline.

Right now at WDW you can book as far ahead as October 2027. If you are onsite, there is no reason your H (not so D right now) can't move the trip to next Spring or Summer.

For DL (CA) you can book as far ahead as December 2026

The idea that he thinks it's OK for the family to take a 'once in a lifetime' trip without you makes my blood boil.

I'm in the US so don't know how/if this would work in the UK but here's the phone number for (US) WDW reservations WDW hotel reservation Inquiries line (407) 939-7695.

I've just told my husband your situation and your husbands solution about the holiday and not how you feel about it. This is another mans perspective.

My husband said that if there is no insurance, the 20yr old could take your youngest and the husband should most definitely stay with you whatever the situation. Preferably, cancel and re-arrange the holiday for you all and just suck up the minor losses.

My husband says your husband is a self centred basta**d and doesn't deserve you and you need to value yourself more and you have every right to expect more of the person you have selected to spend your life with.

• Hospitals don’t insist on someone being present for fun, they do it because the patient is not safe to be alone.
• He is asking you to lie to medical staff, which puts you at risk.
• He is asking you to pretend you have support while he is literally in another country.
• He is prioritising a holiday over your health, safety, and honesty with clinicians.
• Combined with the miscarriage incident, this is a pattern of abandoning you during medical crises.
• And think about the impression this gives to the kids about how relationships work and valuing each other.

This isn’t a one-off lapse. This is who he is when you are vulnerable. If your husband goes on the holiday without you, even if you have care, then the marriage should be over as he has shown you how he values you - believe him!

Husband thinks you need to concentrate on getting better now, that includes NOT lying to the hospital.

You should tell your 20yr old what your husband wants to do, including lying to the hospital which means leaving you to fend for yourself when they are away. You need to do this to protect yourself from being coerced into lying.
Once the 20‑year‑old knows the situation, you are no longer isolated and it maybe the only way to stop your husband going. When adult children see a parent being mistreated, they often challenge it. It’s not “dragging them into drama”, it’s informing them of a medical risk.

If you were our sister, we'd want someone to know you were being left alone after a medical event. I'm not suggesting you tell your eldest to stir trouble. I'm suggesting you tell them because you need support, and your husband is refusing to provide it. That’s not mean. That’s protective. Its not your sons place to provide that support, its your husbands.

You shouldn't have to do this if your husband was a decent person, but you have no choice. You have kids who need you and you need to stay well for them so you need to tell your eldest. I know others won't agree with this but you are in no position to fight this battle alone.

I wish all the very best and a speedy recovery.

Why wouldn’t insurance cover the flights?!

It's so difficult to follow these threads when OP doesn't quote the pp they are replying to but only tags the pp username. Is this a change in Mumsnet functionality or have I just been unlucky to view a few threads like this recently!??

It's possible that's true. But the fact is, not only has her husband not even tried to rearrange the holiday, not only does he not want to rearrange the holiday, not only does he want OP to lie to the hospital that she will have care so they discharge her and then leave her alone for 3 weeks after cardiac surgery, but he has also LIED to her to convince her that it can't be done.

OP is not being betrayed by her insurance company. She's being betrayed by the man that vowed to love and cherish her, in sickness and in health, foresaking all others, the man she will rely on to make decisions about her medical care if she is unable to do so, cares so little about her wellbeing he doesn't want her heart problems to impact his holiday plans.

@HealthConcerns24 The holiday is the least of your worries. Are you actually happy to stay married to this man?

I agree with nearly all of this. Except that I’m
not sure I’d want DH looking after me at home as he clearly values a holiday more than the health of his wife. I wouldn’t trust him to look after me properly. I would want my 20yo at home too to pull some of the weight and act as a buffer until you are completely well. Your health is the priority for now.

@HealthConcerns24 Tell husband it needs rebooking and not to be a selfish arse

Wading through all the emotions and speculation, the real issue I see is if the holiday can’t be moved, then OP needs to stay in the hospital and not be home without a carer and her DH is not a good choice to care for her. The suggestion from her DH that she lie and fend for herself alone speaks volumes and I would think the marriage is over.

I do think it’s a bit fantastical to think that it can be rebooked. Most insurance companies aren’t going to go along with it. There is a good chance they will lose everything they’ve paid except the flights for OP. I wouldn’t call that betrayal, that’s a bit emotionally laden of a word. It’s the way insurance companies are.

They saved for 3 years, they used air miles and everything was booked DIY on the cheap. That’s going to make any claim on insurance very difficult. They’re not going to be able to save up to go again anytime soon. Their Disney boat has practically sailed with a 20 and 12yo. The 20yo is, as expected for their age, not that bothered about missing out on Disney. So I think that the holiday is a lost cause and frankly, OP should be focussed on her marriage and potentially divorce rather than trying to salvage Disney.

On a side note, I used to live near Disney when I was seconded to KSC/NASA. August is the absolute worst time of year to go due to the heat, thunderstorms and increased hurricane risks. That’s why it’s cheapest then.

I would personally just let them go, so at least the 12yo gets a chance to see Disney before they’re too old and tell the hospital she can’t go home.

The entire incident has been a wake up call to OP on the deeper issues in her marriage. That’s what she needs to think about and 3 weeks without his toxic presence might bring on a determination to finish things.

Exactly, stop caring about Disney, tell him do what you’re going to do and I’ll stay in hospital unless they’re going to give me a care package. You’d certainly be giving him rope to create serious grounds for a divorce court to grant you a more favourable financial split. The DC will note how fucked up it is and he will have no chance of alienating them from you. Take the 3 weeks to rest, recover and then file for divorce.