DP wants to end relationship over old videos on my phone

[July26]

NC’d for understandable reasons.

DP went through my phone last night, and found very old videos I hadn’t deleted of me and my ex. Extremely stupid I know, both to have taken them in the first place (not something I was keen on, and my face isn’t visible), and to have not deleted them. But honestly, I forgot they were on there. I’ve got stuff on my phone going back nearly 10 years, it all carries over when I’ve upgraded my phone and I’ve never looked back at it/got round to deleting things.

He went mental, said we are over and he doesn’t want to listen to my ‘excuses’, he considers it a betrayal and questions whether I’ve still looked at them regularly when alone.

I am distraught, I love him and can’t imagine my life without him in it. We don’t live together but he was staying here this weekend and stormed out last night. He has ignored me today but I don’t seem to be blocked.

Do you think ending the relationship is over the top? Would you give it a day or two before contacting him again?

😂

Why are you letting him look through your phone. Why is he asking to look? Is he jealous/controlling and manipulative. And you are allowing it. Let yourself be dumped. Let this one go. Don't fight for this relationship. You love the idea of him. He's actually not a good person.

Again. OP what have you done wrong?
He flew into a rage because he got jealous and saw you did something sexual with another man 10 years ago but you won't do it with him now. He was so angry that he told you the relationship was over.
And now you are taking him out for dinner to make it up to him?
WTF.
OP if you don't stand up for yourself this relationship is doomed. You are worth more than this, don't let any man make you feel otherwise.

I haven't read all the responses but who the fuck keeps 6 sex videos on their phone and 'forgets'?. Also everyone saying he must have scrolled back for ages, not really the case. My phone sorts my photos and videos out for me, I've got photos, screenshots, WhatsApp photos, videos, videos sent to me etc. I have an 8 year old video of my son scooting down the road, it takes 2 seconds to find it, it's in the video section. I wouldn't be at all happy if my partner had six sex videos on his phone with an ex. And I'd think it was bullshit that he conveniently forgot about them.

The act she won’t do now is anal. Got to be

Well she didn’t have any problem about giving him access to her phone so that does kind of suggest she forgot they were there.

@DurinsBane ,

No it doesn’t. Everyone assumes that, but it could just be oral. Some people don’t like that. Especially as he told her it has been a significant part of his previous relationships.

@DurinsBane "...Especially as he told her it has been a significant part of his previous relationships..."

His previous relationships didn't work out so probably his pushy demands for -insert weird fetish here- were a significant part for the break ups. When a narcissist tells you "My ex loved anal sex" you need to interpret it as "my ex always felt pressured to performing anal sex because I love it".

😂Everyone keeps saying this. I guess in a way it was. But not on me!

Oooohhhhh I see 👀

You should have said sooner OP.

I feel like it will all calm down now, but he'll find something else to blow up at you for. You have not seen the last of that behaviour.

It wouldn't take two seconds to find it if you were looking for a photo though!

It's very concerning that you did nothing wrong (forgetting some old sex videos are on your phone is not doing something wrong), yet he has then manipulated you into thinking you are the one in the wrong.

You had NOTHING to apologise for, and you clearly don't see how manipulative your boyfriend is as you are taking him out to dinner to "make it up to him".

Your boyfriend is insecure, controlling, and manipulative.

My abusive exH always seemed to manage to get ME apologising after every time he beat me, because it was "my fault", I "drove him to it", etc. etc.

Honestly, @July26 you cannot see it right now, but this man has a lot of red flags, he's not a good man.

Oh my GOD, this is Mumsnet hypocrisy at its very finest.
The replies, if it had been a bloke with sexual videos of his ex girlfriend on his phone!!!
OP, YABU.

How does the woman film that though

Sorry missed update

He needs to hook up with the guys in the offensive best man speech thread. They sound suited.

Pegging 👀

He needs taking down a peg or two

He will use those videos to coerce you into doing the thing you’re no longer comfortable doing. Do not get back together with him!