Husband …we are not shopping today ..Aibu ?

[inkyspells]

Today me and my OH are going for drinks and food in a city around 30 mins train from our city.
I am at a concert on Friday and there’s a shop that has a top I’m looking for (we don’t have the shop in our city ) I plan on wearing it for the concert.
I checked and it’s in stock
So I said I’m just gonna pop in and grab it
He said “no we aren’t shopping today ,your off work all week ,go and get it another day “
I told him I know we aren’t shopping ,I just want this specific top.
Im literally walking past the shop to get to the area with the pubs.
So now I’m gonna have to go back tomorrow (1 hour travel there and back ,plus another train fare”

Aibu to be a bit annoyed ?
I asked him again and he went in a mood so I just said fine il go another day.

OP has been posting about this bloke for years. She was told not to marry him, did so anyway and is still moaning about him!

This but wouldn't bother with the love you bit though. I'd be more thinking 'fuck you' who made him the boss of you OP?

Oh ffs, why are you putting up with this shit op?

Just because he’s having a tantrum about what he doesn’t want to do doesn’t mean you need to change what you plan to do.

as you walk past the shop “just nipping in to grab the top. You wanna walk to the pub and grab a table and the drinks? I’ll have a X. See you in about 10 minutes”.

If he says no just say “I’ll see you when I come out then. Where will you be waiting?”

Don’t make his tantrums worthwhile the same way you wouldn’t have a toddler had one.

Yes, I just did an AS given the comments. Why she stays with him is beyond me.

Ah, more fool her then no sympathy love, you made your bed over due time to get out of it. Years ago would have been good.

Also. If you don’t go and get it you have accepted that he can dictate much more. Stop being a push over. I don’t understand why you’re with someone you’re scared of, you are going to walk past the shop and planned to go back next week… it makes no sense..

YABU to let him dictate what you do. More fool you for putting up with it

You keep posting about this nasty little man but you stay in your shitty relationship.

Go and pick up your top. Then have a good think about why your self esteem is so low that you tolerate his behaviour.

So now I’m gonna have to go back tomorrow (1 hour travel there and back ,plus another train fare

Don't be so soft OP, just go and buy the top!

Years ago we were in a large group of friends in a bar. One husband questioned his wife asking for a glass of wine. She paused then asked for the wine, a gin, a coffee, orange juice and bottled water which he bought and brought to her without query.
Take a leaf out of her book OP.

Why didn’t you just get the top anyway? Do you think you need his permission or something?

My husband would go get me the top.

Raise your standards.

I wonder what the husbands version of this story is?
“My wife meeps saying one thing but doing
another,AIBU?”
”Every time my wife and I go out for a meal or drink she always ends up shopping for hours and spending money we don’t have. She always promises she won’t but inevitably ends up in the shops. Today was the straw that broke the camels back. We agreed for a relaxing Sunday afternoon out and she immediately comes back with “Oh there’s this top I want in a shop around there..” I put my foot down for once and said no. Not least in the fact she’s off all week and can get it anytime. All I want is a relaxing meal out and no shopping for once.”

I'm with the rest - why are you allowing him to tell you what to do?

Just go in and get what you need, if you’re quick it’s not going to ruin his day. I’d just ignore him and do it! Don’t let his attitude ruin your day. Ever!

I have voted that you are being unreasonable.

This is because, if we are to believe you, you were a moron for marrying him and remain a moron now.

So stop hassling your shitty husband and get on with your life. You have eyes and ears, you knew what you were getting into.

I have no doubt you’ll be back this evening after he’s pissed out of his eyeballs, chatting up other women, randomly leaving you in the pub and complaining you sat on your own all afternoon. Just like your honeymoon.

yes, yes, we know. Your choices, your consequences. Grow up.

Tbf it’s not particularly rare. On mumsnet and in real life there’s always been couples who stay together despite clearly despising each other, having nothing in common, just nitpicking at each other all day and/or sat in stony silence. Complaining about each other constantly ti anyone who has no choice but to listen. Never doing anything about it. I guess there’s comfort in familiarity. It took my mum till 70 and two awful marriages to finally be happy, single and free. It’s really sad.

Get the earlier train, pick up top, meet him for lunch. Or he can travel with you and wait 5 mins while you pop into shop and pick it up.

I would not tolerate being given orders like that. If he "kicked off" I'd say well that's what I'm doing, you can come or not, it's up to you.

Good grief. You are near the shop, so buy the top. Please DON’T make another unnecessary trip tomorrow! Your husband is being vvvvu!

Wow… actually I change my mind after reading all your previous posts.. YABU. He’s a gambler, he’s clearly got a drinking problem, he’s lied to you, financially and emotionally abused you and you STILL married him, all so he could continue the abuse and ruin your honeymoon. You can see the abuse happening and for some reason are just still on this train wreck. It’s different when you can’t see or are unaware of their behaviours, but the fact you know and have raised many concerns but are still accepting it, is wild.

if you choose to stay and to have children with this man, you are being extremely selfish on your future children.

Just go in the shop! Is he always controlling?

She posts multiple threads but then doesn’t engage so I’m not sure what she’s looking for.

YABU for being a doormat and planning to do another hours round trip for this top because of him.

Ignore him, go into the shop when you pass it...what's he gonna do physically restrain you?

@inkyspells

So many questions.

Why are you in a relationship with someone who "kicks off" when you make a basic request that makes your life easier and does not require any effort on his part.

Did you ask him to come with you and watch you try the top on or something? Why can't you meet him at the pub a few minutes later and continue your plans , like most normal couples would do. If you need to pop into Boots to buy tampons unexpectedly would he react like this?

Why are you in a relationship with someone who tells you want you can and cannot do with your own money and a very small amount of time? You are picking up a top not asking to go to a retail outlet centre for a whole day.

Why are you in a relationship with a man who thinks it makes economic sense for you to make another journey on another day, at more cost for train fare, when you are literally passing by the place today; going back another day will cost you both money and time?

To balance my questions:

Do you often ask to pop into shops / hijack previously made plans to shop and is he now fed up about this?

Edited to say I have now seen the AS of your previous posts. At this point, you are making these choices.