Husband …we are not shopping today ..Aibu ?

[inkyspells]

Today me and my OH are going for drinks and food in a city around 30 mins train from our city.
I am at a concert on Friday and there’s a shop that has a top I’m looking for (we don’t have the shop in our city ) I plan on wearing it for the concert.
I checked and it’s in stock
So I said I’m just gonna pop in and grab it
He said “no we aren’t shopping today ,your off work all week ,go and get it another day “
I told him I know we aren’t shopping ,I just want this specific top.
Im literally walking past the shop to get to the area with the pubs.
So now I’m gonna have to go back tomorrow (1 hour travel there and back ,plus another train fare”

Aibu to be a bit annoyed ?
I asked him again and he went in a mood so I just said fine il go another day.

Don’t allow yourself to be bullied and manipulated like this. Explain to him that you are going to the shop to collect the top and that if he sulks or kicks off you consider that bullying and manipulative.
I’d almost be tempted to secretly record his reaction.
I don’t know how old you are or whether you have kids but if he doesn’t realise his mistake then I’d be rethinking things. Is he planning on being in charge of you for the rest of your life.
You also need to have a think about why your response to his command is to give in to it. Maybe consider therepy to try and help you get your thoughts in order and to try and understand why you have responded to this so passively. It’s not healthy.

It doesn’t sound like he even asked if you would reconsider and that he just immediately jumped to giving you a direct order.

Good luck. Don’t forget this is 100% on him.

Don’t accept his ruling. You aren’t a minion under his reign, are you?

You don't NEED the top, as you will be wearing something on your top half already. You WANT the top.

Why is he dictating what you do? Esp which takes about 10 mins and hardly a hold-up?

Can’t you just wait in the pub?

And? She's allowed wants.

I voted yabu - since when did you need his permission to pop into a shop?? Just do it.

I get that he may have feared you getting into the shop and then wanting to look at and try on a few different things. And he wasn't in the mood for clothes shopping. But when you reiterated you were just going to quickly get a specific top and nothing else that should've been fine.

I mean either way he could've just gone ahead and got the drinks in and sat at a table in the pub.

I get that he may have feared you getting into the shop and then wanting to look at and try on a few different things. And he wasn't in the mood for clothes shopping. But when you reiterated you were just going to quickly get a specific top and nothing else that should've been fine.

I mean either way he could've just gone ahead and got the drinks in and sat at a table in the pub.

You were warned not to marry him, OP…

Just get the top ffs!

You have a problem and are being unreasonable to not just say I have an errand, back in a minute.

The time I have a partner who can dictate what I do, is the time I'll choose to be single again . . .

She never says she needs it? She says she wants it, because she plans to wear it on Friday?

YABU to ask him instead of telling him. Honestly, it’s pathetic you’re even considering having to go back another day.

My late DH hated shops and shopping (I mean clothes shopping) but he was always very happy to park himself in the pub whilst I went in. It would be different if you were going to be hours and that wasn't the plan. Tell him to wait for you in the pub. He's being a dick.

Actually, I recognise this poster. Weekly posts about this ridiculous relationship between two people who don’t even like each other.

He doesn't have to go in the shop with you, he can sit in the pub.

I intentionally voted YABU for the same reason - just buy the bloody top!

WTF? Just go and get what you want from the shop on your way past, get him to text you what pub he’s at so you can meet him there literally 5 minutes after he’s got there.
What a bizarre dynamic.
Neither myself nor dh are ‘shoppers’, he goes twice a year to one shop and buys his summer stuff and then some winter stuff and other than that he doesn’t set foot in a clothes shop for himself (he does take ds shopping for his stuff as and when he needs clothes). I do most of mine online. We had a weekend away recently, I wanted to check out a couple of shops there and try on a few bits, he said he’d meet me down by the river as he wanted to look at… I don’t know, boats or fish or something? Whatever, we were both happy, reunited at the river half an hour later and went to the pub, no drama.

But is there a back story her. Is the op like me...has to look at everything in the shop, has to go from shop to shop just looking. Then I go back to the very first thing i looked at. Has he had enough of being dragged around the shops. Does he know it will be "oh lets just look in M and S" My wife has she refuses to shop with me now.

Plus the op will be carrying at least 2 bags everywhere....getting in the way in the. small restaurant, banging against him constantly and resentful looks suggesting he carries it....

But you are not asking him to go, he is "kicking off" because he wants you to.do what you to do what you are told.

@inkyspells - you’re a grown adult, you don’t need someone with you to go into a shop! Just leave him at the pub and do what you want to do.

Longer term it’s worrying that you live in a situation where your husband gets to veto your activities for no good reason. Needs thinking about …

Is he always so controlling? I absolutely HATE shopping but someone nipping in to grab something in a shop wer walking past wouldn't bother me at all or wanting to look in a shop in general. He's not the boss of you.

Let him then. Doesn't mean you have to give in and do as he says though does it?

Controlling behaviour.