Husband …we are not shopping today ..Aibu ?

[inkyspells]

Today me and my OH are going for drinks and food in a city around 30 mins train from our city.
I am at a concert on Friday and there’s a shop that has a top I’m looking for (we don’t have the shop in our city ) I plan on wearing it for the concert.
I checked and it’s in stock
So I said I’m just gonna pop in and grab it
He said “no we aren’t shopping today ,your off work all week ,go and get it another day “
I told him I know we aren’t shopping ,I just want this specific top.
Im literally walking past the shop to get to the area with the pubs.
So now I’m gonna have to go back tomorrow (1 hour travel there and back ,plus another train fare”

Aibu to be a bit annoyed ?
I asked him again and he went in a mood so I just said fine il go another day.

On this occasion I think that you should go in and buy it. However I have a retired sister that can't go anywhere and not shop and unless she agrees in advance, or agrees to minimise shopping, we no longer meet up with her. So I can see both sides, you shouldn't have given in.

If you are literally walking past the shop syou say hand on a mo while I get the top

if he won’t wait then I would let him carry on on his own and either meet him at wherever you are going, or better yet just get the train back home and leave him on his own

ask him if he is going to pay your train fair to go back and get it another day

"now I’m gonna have to go back tomorrow"

No, you don't HAVE to go back tomorrow. You CAN go today instead.

I don't understand why you aren't doing. If its because you're married to a controlling knob who won't let you, or at least not without a shit ton of abuse and punishment afterwards, then to really shouldn't be going to a pub with him either. Or anywhere. Ever again.

You either need to grow a backbone, or escape the life you currently have. And from your posts so far I really can't tell yet.

Just go in on the way past and buy it
He sounds like a dick

My dh hates shopping with a passion but this is something he’d never say. It’s normal to say ok I’ll wait outside while you run

Have a read through all her previous posts… there were huge red flags and she still chose to marry him last month. It will continue and she will continue to just post instead of acting, which is very sad.

Your mistake I think was to not go and get the top anyway. Why did you accept his demands?
You could have either gone in against his objections and told him to wait outside. Or if he refused, told him to go to the pub, get the order in and by the time he has the drinks you will be there.
If my DH insisted I make a second hr trip to avoid ‘shopping’, I’d tell him if he can’t go ahead to the pub and wait the 5 mins, he might as well go back home now then because he is unreasonable*
*caveat in case you are one of those people who ‘just pops in’ and then 1 hr later I am still standing outside the changing rooms, in which case I still think he should just go straight ahead to the pub

Go get the top. You dont need to ask him, just tell him. If he goes in a huff "are we really going to let a 10 minute detour ruin our day?" . Couple dynamics can be strange, but you do know this is not ok.

Yes i'd have thought he was quite mad tbh and i would have nipped in the shop anyway- if he'd gone ahead without you, well,you knew where he was going didnt you? to just meet there? Sounds like theres more to him than this? Does he have voilent outbursts if you go against him?It seems very unreasonable of him to say that to you if you literally want to collect one item and you pass it anyway.

Omg another man that sulks at a tiny minor inconvenience to them despite causing you an inconvenience.

I’m guessing this isn’t the first time he’s been an impatient selfish prick?

I suggest you read her previous threads!

You are utterly unreasonable to do what he says because he goes into a mood or kicks off

This is abuse. He is abusing you

Dear god I feel very sorry for you OP.

Can you link them please

Edit typo

Just do an advanced search on her name.

www.mumsnet.com/search/advanced#/

You don't ask him ..
He's not your keeper / owner
Go get your top ..
It doesn't even need a conversation,just go get it

It doesn't allow me to do an advanced search. I assume because I don't pay? But regardless. It doesn't allow me to search in that way 😕

Google search Mumsnet inkyspells and they come up.

She's unreasonable to expect this colossal prick to have changed at all.

I don't pay for MN. But I'm not linking loads of threads for you, sorry.

Get the top, let him be in a sulk. He’s using the sulk because it’s obviously been effective on you in the past, and it’s a great way to get what he wants. That’s a method of control. Is he controlling in other areas of your life?

My response to that would be

"You can do what you want, I am going to buy the top and will meet you in the pub, because I am an adult and can decide for myself"

YABU to not just go into the shop when you walk past it. It's ridiculous to do the travelling again when you will be walking past it today.

Park him in the pub with a pint, go get your top, have a drink. All good. Tell him to grow up!

OK. I understand. From what you've already said I can guess what the threads say!!

I'm wondering if the advanced search will work on a laptop but not on my android phone

Quite a few MN things don't work on android

Thanks for the pointer 👍

Just go and get it! Don't let anyone boss you around, especially your OH