I would really love some opinions here. I’m happy to be told I’m being unreasonable because I suspect I am being a little touchy and this is very much sweating the small stuff. There’s nothing big where I feel like I’d be justified in saying anything. It’s a lot of little things but it’s really getting me down. So it’s a mil one. Me and dp have a four month old. She’s dp’s only child and the only grandchild for his mother. Mil obviously dotes on dd but it is becoming overbearing and little things are adding up and making me quite annoyed. She’s very opinionated and believes her opinions are right. Truthfully I find her quite disrespectful of anyone else’s feelings or opinions.
She’s started asking to have dd for the day on her own. She has her alone for a good 9/10 hours. I was far from ready for this but dp clearly didn’t want to upset her so I felt like I had to agree. I’ve realised after seeing some pictures from the first time that she’s got a full set of clothes for her that she’s obviously keeping at hers and changing her into as soon as she gets to hers. The lovely outfits I put her in come back barely worn in the changing bag along with all the spares I’ve packed. I can’t help but feel like she’s been seen as a little doll to play dress up with.
My next niggle was regarding car seats. She lives not far off an hour away and it’s mostly motorway driving. Therefore I was extremely selective about what car seat I bought while pregnant and explained to dp that I wanted this car seat used until she’s outgrown it as it has an excellent safety record. Mil has bought her own which I wasn’t made aware of until she turned up with it. It’s not as safe as ours and I’m upset that something I put a lot of thought into and wanted my daughter to use is discarded without so much as a word about it to me. I get that eventually she would have had to get one for her car but I was hoping it would be when dd was a bit older and more solid and that maybe the choice was at least run by me first.
Dd has a dummy. I know many people don’t like them but I have several children who have all had one and no teeth issues. I also like that there’s research suggesting they may slightly protect against SIDS. Mil despises dummies and pretty much told us that dd wasn’t having one. This has led dp to hide the fact we use one until he accidentally posted a photo with it in sight. Mil was not happy about this. I’m concerned of her ever having dd overnight because I know she will let dd scream all night rather than just give her the dummy.
I’m prepared to hear I’m being precious first born about the previous issues (even though this is far from my first!) but this one has got to me. I really don’t like cold water sterilisers and Milton. I personally believe if we can sterilise a bottle without chemicals why would we want to use them. Mil is the total opposite and doesn’t believe things are clean unless there chemically sterilised. When she was a few days old I did use Milton to sterilise to appease her and dd exorcism style projectile vomited her whole feed up. A week later mil was down and we tried again and the same thing happened which led me to conclude that she was better with steam sterilised bottles. Anyway the last two times mil has had dd, the following day she’s been vomiting large quantities up which I’ve found strange. Then dp let slip that mil doesn’t use the bottles we provide. She has her own which knowing her have been sterilised in Milton. While it’s such a tiny thing it’s really bothering me. It’s the one thing I have actively stood up and said to her I don’t like and she’s decided my feelings on it do not matter and done it anyway.
I learnt this morning that she now has her own stroller for dd at her house for when she’s old enough to use it. Again, a very small thing in the grand scheme of things but why is she so adamant to not use anything that I’ve carefully chosen for my daughter. I’m actually starting to question if she thinks my things aren’t good enough.
Dd came back from the last trip bathed and with all her cradle cap scrubbed off. She was bathed the night before so didn’t need a bath but I accept that she could have vomited/had an explosive poo. Dd doesn’t have bad cradle cap to begin with but I wanted it to fall out naturally because when I used products on her sibling lots of her hair came out with it. I had explained this.
Sorry that was long! I’m just feeling really down about it and then I feel pathetic for feeling down about it. None of it is awful. None of it feels worth causing an argument over but I don’t like feeling upset about it. I’m also somewhat concerned what the future is going to look like and the potential for this to become a bigger problem.