Another weekend and another drunken DP ‘performance’

[Heatwavefry]

I’ve had very broken sleep so I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors!!

There has been a trend over about a year now of DP going out once a month with friends and getting hammered, his behaviour when returning home has increasingly worsened though. We don’t live together but when he goes out he usually comes back to mine to stay for the weekend as I live centrally close to where the pubs are.

Last night, he returns about 1am and wakes me up asking if I can ‘see to him’. I say no and go back to sleep, he says he will sort himself out.

I hear loads of crashing about so am woken at least twice, and he says he’s sleeping on the sofa. After yet more noise, I go into the living room and he’s naked, there’s a massive wet patch on my sofa, which he said is because he ‘sorted himself out’ - he was still pissed at this point.

I go ballistic and tell him I want him gone first thing. He’s still on the sofa now. I am not overreacting here am I?! It’s my flat which I worked hard to afford and he treats it like this.

Honestly, this would be the end for me. Just grim. I could not stay with him

If you were married or cohabiting, had kids etc I would feel really sorry for you. But this is so easy - do not come near MY home when you’re drunk because you behave like an animal. How is it even a question?

"Quite funny"?? Blimey, it really isn't.

Good grief…the only way I’d ever consider this relationship continuing is if he agrees to go T-total. Otherwise, kick him out and change the locks. You don’t deserve this OP.

Exactly.
Unless there’s a genuine emergency, i can’t be woken up suddenly like that.
I’ve got epilepsy, and it would make me doolally.

He wouldn’t be allowed to treat me, and my house like that twice.
It’s the lack of respect that would really make me bristle.
For me that’s a little trip to Break-up City.

Get rid of this wankstain on your sofa. Sorry, meant to say wankstains plural.

Nah it's cum. Imagine what a sofa looks like when you've dropped an entire cup of tea on it, then consider the size of a grown man's bladder compared to a cup of tea. If it's not saturated the sofa and all over him/the floor too, it's cum.

My ex partners friend was like this. Never believed it when you told him as couldn’t remember. He came back to ours one night and I filmed him on my phone and sent it to him when he was sober. Needless to say he was so embarrassed it never happened again.

Does it matter? Both are completely disrespectful. I’ve been ill in my life over the years. I’ve been very drunk in my life over the years. But I’ve never pissed or masturbated on anyone’s sofa. It’s not really an accomplishment it’s being a decent human being.

Oh honestly, surely you don't need us to tell you he's gross and you shouldn't let him use you for free convenient accommodation just because it's nearer for him to get hammered.

he sounds vile, ditch him and raise your bar.

It’s not funny, it’s disgusting. Please don’t move in with him, you’ll live on eggshells waiting for the next episode.

FWIW my neighbour rented her place to a bloke whose partner she knows in exchange for doing it up. he was going to do some useful work for her while working through his depression and still enjoying family time with his two young kids.
Instead, he used it as a dosshouse for his alcoholic binges. He’s come back this week to collect his stuff (having abandoned it for about six months) and despite being there all week he’s removed about three items. He must be over 40 but continues to live as if he were 19. Men like this won’t change, especially if they never have to deal with any real consequences of their behaviour because the women in their lives just keep on mopping up after them (both literally and metaphorically).

He's disgusting, how could you be attracted to someone like that.

He's literally a wanker

I hate being that person but hey it’s an anonymous forum.

Honestly if you have to start a thread and ask this, and wonder if you’re unreasonable, then I almost despair. Is it manipulation and gaslighting? Or is it lack of critical thinking? I’m really sorry, I really do hate being that person, but honestly do you seriously have to ask whether an ever worsening drinking problem and associated grim behaviour is ok in a partner?

Having a friend who found it amusing is utterly bizarre and a more cynical person than me could make some assumptions.

What’s happening, sometimes I wonder if we all live in a simulation.

I'm not sure that it matters what has caused the wet sofa. Unless he has spilt a glass of water it's disgusting.

He is a dirty tramp. None of this is remotely funny (is your friend OK?) He has zero respect for you and your home.

Change the locks and don’t tell him. The next time he goes on a wild piss up he’ll be sleeping in the doorway……serve him right if some drunken slob pisses on him!

Oh my goodness. I'm sorry I couldn't be with a man who just asks to be seen to in cold blood. Where is his respect for you. You're not an android. He'd be gone for that alone apart from the drunkenness and then the "sorting" himself out and messing up the sofa. Where I ask you is the attraction to that?

I'm equally concerned about the standards your friend has. Funny?? Mortified when he wakes?? A man with a drink problem feeling entitled for sexual relief from his partner who then either ejaculates or urinates on a sofa? Come on, raise the bar.

Well one of your friends has incredibly low standards!

Seriously, I'm concerned you even had to ask the question.

You say this is just the most recent incident @Heatwavefry ?

Wake him, get him out of your home and don't ever see him again.

Who are the 2%
Baffled
Bin him.
Hes in his 30’s ffs
if you got married would you want him wanking on the sofa for kids to find?

Your friend who is defending it hasnt had to wake up to clean dry cum off their sofa. They also probably don’t truly care if you stay together or not. Ignore them.

Youre 31. If you want kids, leave him. You have limited time and I wouldn’t be wasting another minute on this immature excuse of a man. Hed likely be a crap dad anyway by the sounds of it.

Find a proper man who treats you right.

From what you have described about his behaviour has been very disrespectful to the point of revulsion by anyones standards, so you are not being unreasonable or over reacting to be appalled.
Having said that, how he behaves now may be relevant.
Is he mortified in the sober light of day?
Is he apologetic ?
Has he promised nothing like that will ever happen again ?
Has he cleaned the sofa?
Also is this a one off or a pattern of behaviour?

They aren't lonely because the love they seek is with each other...they are just annoyed they can't demand sexual access to women's bodies at will...see for example this dirty protestor specimen

Euww
No words!
Get your key off him and send him packing