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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Another weekend and another drunken DP ‘performance’

414 replies

Heatwavefry · Today 08:13

I’ve had very broken sleep so I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors!!

There has been a trend over about a year now of DP going out once a month with friends and getting hammered, his behaviour when returning home has increasingly worsened though. We don’t live together but when he goes out he usually comes back to mine to stay for the weekend as I live centrally close to where the pubs are.

Last night, he returns about 1am and wakes me up asking if I can ‘see to him’. I say no and go back to sleep, he says he will sort himself out.

I hear loads of crashing about so am woken at least twice, and he says he’s sleeping on the sofa. After yet more noise, I go into the living room and he’s naked, there’s a massive wet patch on my sofa, which he said is because he ‘sorted himself out’ - he was still pissed at this point.

I go ballistic and tell him I want him gone first thing. He’s still on the sofa now. I am not overreacting here am I?! It’s my flat which I worked hard to afford and he treats it like this.

OP posts:
IronEverything · Today 09:37

He's using your home as a doss house. Are you okay with that?

And he owes you a new sofa obviously.

Victorius19 · Today 09:38

The friend that finds this funny can come and clean it up for you, yes? Wonder if she'd find it quite as funny then....

Honestly OP, men like this won't ever change. And you're very silly to have even let him into the house knowing he was this drunk. And today will be a write off because of his hangover.... raise your bar.

AlwaysExtraHot · Today 09:39

I mean, as soon as I read that he stays with you because you live nearer the pubs I had an inkling that he was going to be a twat.
Waking you and asking to be ‘seen to’ 🤢 is not respectful behaviour. I don’t even know what to say about him ‘sorting himself out’ on your sofa.
Bin him.
After he’s given you the money for a sofa clean or a new one.

Icecreamisthebest · Today 09:39

Ew. A decent guy, going out with his mates for the evening, would plan to go home to their own home afterwards so he doesn’t disturb his GF at night and being a hungover wreck expecting to be looked after the next day.

This sounds like a regular occurrence. Is this what you want your life to look like ?

AnonyMumAuDHD · Today 09:40

Permanent ick as far as I am concerned - he is showing utter lack of respect for you through his behaviour and the way he treats your home. Kick him out and end things. Men only behave like this because women consistently allow them to. Don’t be one of those women. You deserve better.

columnatedruinsdomino · Today 09:41

Hopefully op is standing over him watching him clean up the sofa then ditches him.
‘Sort me out’. Where do these princes get their lordly expectations from?

Slightyamusedandsilly · Today 09:42

Heatwavefry · Today 08:31

I’ve had two close friends give opposing views this morning already. One mirrors many replies here, the other says if it’s quite funny and he will be mortified when he wakes..

If this is just who he is, he isn't marriage material.

If this is him being an immature and drunken oaf, reading him the riot act, chucking him out today, banning him from staying after nights out and threatening to dump him MIGHT help him shape up. But I wouldn't bet on it. It's rank.

SummerDive · Today 09:42

Heatwavefry · Today 08:31

I’ve had two close friends give opposing views this morning already. One mirrors many replies here, the other says if it’s quite funny and he will be mortified when he wakes..

It doesn’t matter if he is horrified when he wakes up.
What matters is whether his behaviour changes. And the repeat performances that just get worse and worse shows he hasn’t.

At the very least, he shouldn’t put his feet in your house when coming back from going out and getting pissed.

As for getting married, if you’re happy this will be your life ….. I’m guessing it’s not

coolcahuna · Today 09:43

Urgh no, that's over. Kick him out for good!

StandFirm · Today 09:43

.

bryceQ · Today 09:46

Don't be with someone who drinks like this. Unless he seeks real and sincere change.

Shadesofscarlett · Today 09:46

so he is using you for somewhere to stay after getting drunk. God knows why you are putting up with this. I hope he is gone now - and i hope he cleaned the sofa. Just yuck, how grim.

workitoutt · Today 09:46

Rank. I would dump him immediately.

dayslikethese1 · Today 09:47

He should have been cleaning up first thing and apologising profusely to you but something tells me that isn't the case.

Optimisticdramalarma · Today 09:49

This was my ex

He would come round plastered and piss (cos let's face it,a 'massive amount' isn't cum) in my house

At first I got a vague 'sorry' but soon enough I got 'what is the fucking problem?you where going to clean it anyway' and 'what's the fucking problem?'

Me not wanting to sleep on a pissy mattress (just flip it over') or a wet stain on my carpet ('it needed cleaning anyway') was me being 'picky'

Being much younger,a massive lack of self respect,both sets of our familes saying it was my fault (my mother is a narc and his mummy thought he could do no wrong) and no mumsnet to kick my arse,I allowed this to go on for much longer than I should have

Sober he was the nicest bloke ever

Pissed he was Satan

I finally got rid (all my fault for not shutting up and putting up) and I'm now with a bloke who wouldn't dream of doing this

This is his true self,he has no respect for you,mine didn't and it took a house full of man piss for me to see it

WinterBlues26 · Today 09:51

I agree with the majority. Take your key off him, wake him up, kick him out, and tell him by text it's over.

What a horrible disrespectful specimen of a human being.

Bloodysauce · Today 09:51

That is not a partner. That is a drunken slob, who has no regard for you other than to keep you on hand as a free place to sleep. Lose him. Trade him in. Today. Have some self respect. If you allow people to treat you like this, how will your life ever improve?

Pinkchickenwine · Today 09:52

Heatwavefry · Today 08:31

I’ve had two close friends give opposing views this morning already. One mirrors many replies here, the other says if it’s quite funny and he will be mortified when he wakes..

The other is not a friend!

19lottie82 · Today 09:53

Ewww do not move in with this guy.

I’ve been with my DP 4 years and he has his own place but stays at mine most of the time.
He likes to go for a drink with his mates once a fortnight or so. I tell him to stay at his own place because he’s a PITA after a few pints, nothing bad, just repeating himself, talking in his sleep ect. I can’t be arsed with the hassle!!

Slightyamusedandsilly · Today 09:53

Ah yes, as others have said. He pays the cleaning bill.

Bringemout · Today 09:54

Just get rid unless you want this to be your future.

grumpygrape · Today 09:55

ExplodingSmittens · Today 08:37

I agree that dementia wouldn’t probably fill a teaspoon. It doesn’t mean sound as though he has got so drunk that he’s pissed on your sofa. Both are unforgivable.

Your DF who thinks that this is all an hilarious jape isn’t putting the prices together here. He has a drink problem and a lack of respect for you problem. Neither of which he seems interested in addressing.

If you do live together in the future it will be joint money that he’s pissing away.

Sorry Smittens, I need to know what 'dementia' was an auto correct for.....please 😂

Bloodysauce · Today 09:55

Marriage?😱.Dont. Just don't

ShutupLwren · Today 09:55

Cnidarian · Today 08:23

Why is there a male loneliness epidemic- Exhibit A

This fucker isn’t lonely enough

Gemilo · Today 09:55

Heatwavefry · Today 08:31

I’ve had two close friends give opposing views this morning already. One mirrors many replies here, the other says if it’s quite funny and he will be mortified when he wakes..

I wonder if your friend would find it quite so funny if it happened to her.