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AIBU?

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Another weekend and another drunken DP ‘performance’

414 replies

Heatwavefry · Today 08:13

I’ve had very broken sleep so I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors!!

There has been a trend over about a year now of DP going out once a month with friends and getting hammered, his behaviour when returning home has increasingly worsened though. We don’t live together but when he goes out he usually comes back to mine to stay for the weekend as I live centrally close to where the pubs are.

Last night, he returns about 1am and wakes me up asking if I can ‘see to him’. I say no and go back to sleep, he says he will sort himself out.

I hear loads of crashing about so am woken at least twice, and he says he’s sleeping on the sofa. After yet more noise, I go into the living room and he’s naked, there’s a massive wet patch on my sofa, which he said is because he ‘sorted himself out’ - he was still pissed at this point.

I go ballistic and tell him I want him gone first thing. He’s still on the sofa now. I am not overreacting here am I?! It’s my flat which I worked hard to afford and he treats it like this.

OP posts:
Loubissou · Today 08:56

Is this the first time there has been the pissing/jizzing on the sofa? Is this the opportunity for a 'come to Jesus' conversation about his behaviour and that if it ever happens again that you are done (and mean it)? I would be including the regular excess alcohol abuse in that conversation.

He should replace your sofa too.

The alternative is jump straight to dumping him.

cloudtreecarpet · Today 08:58

I think it's easy to question why the OP is with him but if you love someone and this isn't who they are all the time, it's easy to let things like this go. I did so I understand it.

BUT I ignored those things at my peril & looking back I wish I hadn't. Back in those days people didn't really talk about red flags but this is a massive one & it will get worse and it will affect your life, OP, if you stay with him & he doesn't change.

You need to have a long talk with him, lay your cards on the table, and be prepared to walk if things don't change & change quickly.

Dollymylove · Today 08:58

Ew thats disgusting. Get rid!!

greenjojocat · Today 08:58

Gross. Get rid!

PatchworkCow · Today 08:59

It's you again, isn't it, OP? The one with the utter cunt of a partner who's already done all kinds of utterly disrespectful stuff that's shows he DGAF at all about you. Why are you still with him, where's your respect for yourself to continue letting him treat you like this? Go through his pockets/wallet, take any cash towards sofa cleaning/new sofa preferably if there's enough (he can have the spunky one, disgusting cretin). Don't bother with the row, just don't mention it and let him think he spent it whilst drinking. Then block him! I don't care even if you're pig ugly with the personality of a dead worm, you can still do better than him OP.

Don't give him chances to change. He doesn't need changes to change. You don't want a project, you want a MAN, a fully formed adult with a basic respect for his own species. If that's not what he is now at his age, he's never going to be it. Don't get caught in the cycle of endless "second chances". A second chance only comes once, after that it's just a pattern of him disrespecting you and you accepting it.

Bogstandardname · Today 08:59

How could you possibly consider a future with this man. You really need look up instead of down. Take his key, show him the door which will never be open to him again.

Fooshufflewickjbannanapants · Today 09:01

Eeeuuuggh! Get rid of the wank stain and the wankertron

DierdreDaphne · Today 09:02

Heatwavefry · Today 08:31

I’ve had two close friends give opposing views this morning already. One mirrors many replies here, the other says if it’s quite funny and he will be mortified when he wakes..

Your friend has revoltingly low standards. Would she like his mess on her furniture?

godmum56 · Today 09:03

take his key off him and kick him out TODAY

Speakeasier · Today 09:03

Heatwavefry · Today 08:31

I’ve had two close friends give opposing views this morning already. One mirrors many replies here, the other says if it’s quite funny and he will be mortified when he wakes..

Would she think it was funny if it was her sofa?

And anyway some women’s bar is in the gutter. Don’t listen to her. Imagine this and having to be doing all the childcare while he sleeps off his hangover and you have to avoid the children getting his cum on their hands. It’s so grim.

godmum56 · Today 09:04

DierdreDaphne · Today 09:02

Your friend has revoltingly low standards. Would she like his mess on her furniture?

well the other friend is welcome to him!

arethereanyleftatall · Today 09:04

I mean, just why?

why is being with a bloke so so important that you’d put up with this revolting entitled behaviour? I don’t get it.

assuming he’s absolutely wonderful the rest of the time, here’s what I’d do ‘No, you can’t stay here, you wake me up, are deeply unpleasant, and cum on my sofa. No thanks.’

regards to your friend who thinks this is funny, tell her to raise her bar.

superspideysense · Today 09:05

Disgusting. Get rid of him.

the wet patch is bad enough but I would of chucked out at “sort me out”.

jeaux90 · Today 09:05

Too many issues here to make this excusable. He woke you up. He asked you to have sex with him and woke you up purposely for that reason. He jizzed on your sofa. He was so pissed he had no sense of your boundaries. Would absolutely not stay with this man.

Tel12 · Today 09:05

How desperate would anyone have to be to put up with this sort of behaviour?

Deadleaves77 · Today 09:06

There is no way I'd continue to date a man who wanked/pissed all over my sofa. Its your flat and he's coming over and treating it like this! Absolutely insane

This is how he acts when it's not even his stuff, imagine how he will behave when he actually lives there! LTW

DierdreDaphne · Today 09:06

Johnson85 · Today 08:39

Obviously a bit rude and thoughtless of him, and binge drinking and related behaviours arent nice or attractive. Should slow down as you get older, no worsen.

But having a wank and getting it on the sofa really doesn't seem that serious to me. People saying 'dump him' are being ridiculous. Tell him you find it rude and thoughtless to ejaculate on the sof

What a strange thing to say. Excessive drinking and disrespect of a partner can indeed get worse, this man isn't 19.

arethereanyleftatall · Today 09:06

Who knows @PatchworkCow. There’s so so many women who think this is what their worth is.

peachie82 · Today 09:06

Vile disgusting pig. Dump him, you deserve better.

TheTikiTurnip · Today 09:06

As others have said, take his key and get shot of him.

I lived with someone like this. Don't make that mistake - their drunk behaviour becomes increasingly worse. Just because its only once a month doesn't make it ok, you will be treading on eggshells waiting for the next time, and wondering what hes going to do.

Get shot of him now, he has no respect for you, or your property.

Deadleaves77 · Today 09:08

Also I do feel that cum and piss would show up quite differently on a sofa, a massive wet patch is surely piss?

Did he do it to punish you because you wouldn't "sort him out"?

HGHGHG · Today 09:08

Heatwavefry · Today 08:31

I’ve had two close friends give opposing views this morning already. One mirrors many replies here, the other says if it’s quite funny and he will be mortified when he wakes..

The poster didnt ask what would your friends say - they asked what would YOU advise a friend.

Once you are really honest with yourself, you will have your answer

Sereine · Today 09:11

Have you woken him and thrown him out yet, OP?

YorkshireGoldie · Today 09:14

This is awful. Can only assume D in DP stands for disgusting, disrespectful, dick head, dirty

you deserve better, get rid

MagicThanks · Today 09:16

What did I just read?!
Why do you let him in your home drunk?!