Another weekend and another drunken DP ‘performance’

[Heatwavefry]

I’ve had very broken sleep so I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors!!

There has been a trend over about a year now of DP going out once a month with friends and getting hammered, his behaviour when returning home has increasingly worsened though. We don’t live together but when he goes out he usually comes back to mine to stay for the weekend as I live centrally close to where the pubs are.

Last night, he returns about 1am and wakes me up asking if I can ‘see to him’. I say no and go back to sleep, he says he will sort himself out.

I hear loads of crashing about so am woken at least twice, and he says he’s sleeping on the sofa. After yet more noise, I go into the living room and he’s naked, there’s a massive wet patch on my sofa, which he said is because he ‘sorted himself out’ - he was still pissed at this point.

I go ballistic and tell him I want him gone first thing. He’s still on the sofa now. I am not overreacting here am I?! It’s my flat which I worked hard to afford and he treats it like this.

Step 1. Change locks.
step 2. Call him and say you’re finished.
step 3. Enjoy life

I would not be seeing this person in any shape or form again.

Just because your self respect and standards are low doesn’t mean people who are calling this out are being ridiculous. Ridiculous would be accepting and minimising piggish behaviour

Please get some self respect and bin this man. He doesn’t sound like a catch. I’d rather be alone than with someone who behaves like a drunken oaf once a month. Please do not have children with this man.

This sort of thing really does depend on the nuance. If you’re thinking of committing to him long term ask yourself for example …. Is he aggressive with his behaviour when drunk? If you told him he wasn’t to come back to yours after the pub again, would he listen? Does he apologise afterwards and feel mortified? Will he be cleaning the sofa voluntarily? Does he try to pressure you onto sex when you’re not up for it?

in my view the answers to those questions are what you need to ponder on, not whether you’re unreasonable to be annoyed. This sort of stuff is a good opportunity to see who someone really is and to identify attitudes or behaviours that 100% will only get worse in the long term if they’re there already.

My XH did that. Once.

It's not funny though is it? It's your partner and it's your couch covered in what is probably piss.
Add to this that he is 31, not 21, and it's a regular occurrence.
I bet that if you move in together it will become an even more regular occurrence.

If you haven't spoken to him really clearly about this then you need to now. You need to tell him that you don't like it, that you find it disrespectful and tell him how his asking you to "sort him out" makes you feel.
Then tell him your relationship has to end if this behaviour continues.

He then has a chance to grow up & change. If he doesn't and he repeats this behaviour, then you will know he doesn't love and respect you enough or has a drink problem - neither of which is great for the future.

However, if you have told him all this already I think you need to end it with him now.

It’s not a good look to tell anyone who has a different opinion to your that they have low standards, people are allowed to disagree it doesn’t make you any superior to them.

I actually felt a bit sick reading this op. It’s grim stuff and I’m not sure I’d be able to look at him the same again. When he wakes up I’d be telling him exactly what he did and ask him what he intends to do about it (professional clean at the very least). If he is extremely apologetic and wants to fix things and stops going out and acting like a lout then I would maybe try to move past it if he’s an otherwise good partner. If he is in any way dismissive or challenging about it I’d throw him out and that would be the end.

I know I’ve been drunk and done silly things before but this really is vile and he needs to be properly remorseful about it. I have a feeling he’ll be so mortified he might try to laugh it off but we’ll see.

I'm sorry op but he's using your house as a place to go after a night out , he doesn't respect you or your sofa, break up with him .

ooooohhhhh ffs !!! Why do you even have to come on here and ask ??? Just imagine what your life will be like when you’re living together and he feels even more entitled to piss (or whatever.. yeugh) all over your lovely life ! Get. Rid. Now.

Why on earth are you with him?? Get rid or at the very least tell him he has to.go back to his own place when drunk.

Well she's a fuckwit too. Some women set the bar very low.

Not ridiculous, just have standards. Enjoy your crusty cum couch that stinks of piss when there’s a couple of kids later down the line. After all, it’s just a bit of giggles 🤢.

The shit people say on here, honestly.

Some women are so desperate to be in a relationship that they will tolerate the worst behaviour from a man.

Why do keep allowing him to stay in your home when he's out on his drunken benders? What's the old saying? "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice..."...

Or better yet: what keeps you with this man? I genuinely couldn't be attracted to this drunken mess of a "man". Just, yuck...adult "men" pissing themselves, I couldn't respect or be attracted to this...

This!

I think you have answered for yourself @Heatwavefry

He is making you annoyed.. angry even... and disturbing you and poss even giving you the ick. You don't need our opinions - get rid of him as he's not right for you x x

Disgusting. I wouldn't allow that to happen again

I voted 'unreasonable'. This is who he is, this is what he does, and you welcome him into your home 'because I live centrally close to where the pubs are'. In other words, because it is convenient for him. It is within your power to stop this, but will you? You must be getting something you need out of this.

Get rid but not before taking the key and checking his wallet to pay for a steam clean. I’d be tempted to throw the whole thing in a bush and give him the wake up call he so obviously needs. (Aside from being dumped that is). “Oh, I don’t remember, I was drunk!”

Ugh. What an unfortunate specimen of mankind. Tell him to fuck off forever.

FFS don't do that he's a wanker literally
Gets pissed comes to yours cums on the sofa.
Get rid he's an idiot.

Jesus Christ he’s revolting. I couldn’t bear to be around a man like that. Pestering you sex and soiling your property? Absolutely do not move in with him and get rid.

He won't be mortified at all. I would be very surprised if he was capable of "sorting himself out" in that state so I suspect he's peed your couch. Either way he's disgusting . Your choice.

I agree. He is using her sadly. I wouldn't want him turning up late at night pissed once a month.
This will only get worse if you move in together.

I don't see this relationship working out due to his lack of respect.