Another weekend and another drunken DP ‘performance’

[Heatwavefry]

I’ve had very broken sleep so I apologise in advance for any grammatical errors!!

There has been a trend over about a year now of DP going out once a month with friends and getting hammered, his behaviour when returning home has increasingly worsened though. We don’t live together but when he goes out he usually comes back to mine to stay for the weekend as I live centrally close to where the pubs are.

Last night, he returns about 1am and wakes me up asking if I can ‘see to him’. I say no and go back to sleep, he says he will sort himself out.

I hear loads of crashing about so am woken at least twice, and he says he’s sleeping on the sofa. After yet more noise, I go into the living room and he’s naked, there’s a massive wet patch on my sofa, which he said is because he ‘sorted himself out’ - he was still pissed at this point.

I go ballistic and tell him I want him gone first thing. He’s still on the sofa now. I am not overreacting here am I?! It’s my flat which I worked hard to afford and he treats it like this.

Imagine buying the jizz sofa second hand?
I cannot understand why a woman in her 30’s, clearly has built a life for herself, would put up with this? I can understand that for all sorts of reasons women become trapped, but this woman isn’t?
She has actively chosen this man, he now really knows he can pull these stunts and get away with them.

Amends would be to replace your sofa, then leave and not come back.

This.

Are you desperate for a man?

@Heatwavefry my concern from your thread title and your OP is that this guy is an alcoholic. This kind of behaviour is really not normal on a regular basis. Can I suggest that you speak to Al-anon who support the families of alcoholics or at least read up about binge drinking and how it is a form of alcoholism.

You may think people are being harsh but we really just don’t want you wasting your life on someone who will always prioritise alcohol over you.

I absolutely guarantee he will do this again.
You really should have dumped him.
You deserve so much better.

He’s playing you like a violin. He is disgustingly and disrespectful. He has shown you exactly who he is. You’re accepting it. He has permission to continue, and it will almost certainly get worse.

Actions do speak louder than words. You can talk at him all you want but your actions ( being bought off by a roast dinner ) tell him all he needs to know. The next time he comes back pissed and disturbing your sleep you’ll tell yourself it’s better if he doesn’t wank ( or piss )all over your couch. That’s how it goes.

Try to find some self respect.

This. Al-anon is a great shout. I wonder whether OP has a parent with a drink problem which might explain the relatively relaxed attitude towards behaviour others find appalling. OP please ignore the unkind comments, but take the hint that you are worth so much more than this.

I thought you weren’t married or even living together. Why do you have to get your ducks in order? Just change the locks.

So…don’t comment or engage? The fact that people have returned to the thread to stick the boot into the op and try to shame her says loads more about them than her. It’s really not a good look.

People treat you how you allow them.

You need to raise your bar if a Sunday roast repays his behaviour, especially as it's not the first time and he has the choice to go home rather than disturb you.

@Heatwavefry , you'd better go get a bunch of pee pads and a couple waterproof mattress covers for your bed and other furniture covers asap. He thinks your place is Cum Piss in my Alley and since he acts like an untrained dog, be ready with the poop scoop too.

You realize he's likely an alcoholic who's been binge drinking and it's getting worse.

Is he providing the gravy?

I'm so pleased you've managed to sort things out with this wonderful man. Just think, in decades to come you can tell your grandchildren the funny story of when Grandad jizzed on the sofa on one of the many occasions he came home blind drunk and Granny was too tired for sex. 💕

What a slob

What a disgusting individual.

I have never been with a man who behaved like this, it’s horrible.

Sounds like a good thing you do not live together, I certainly wouldn’t start to after this.

My husband enjoys a good night out and a lot of drink with some friends but there has never been any indication of this sort of behaviour even when he’s been very drunk.

Umm… he will. Because this is the type of behaviour that is so bad that a normal person would never do it in the first place.

Really, really disgusting and disrespectful. What does he have up his sleeve next time you do something he doesn’t like, I wonder?

Double up on birth control and use a barrier method as one. Protect yourself and don't have kids with him. Growing up with an alcoholic parent is absolute hell.

He only stays at yours when he wants to go out and get pissed? Read the signs... A Sunday roast and you forget what he's done? 🤦🏼‍♀️

That’s alright then! Wow I can’t believe you’re still with him!

A roast dinner? You seriously need to raise your standards.

So your husband also likes to binge drink and get "very drunk" with his mates, he just hasn't wanked over the sofa.

So excessive drinking is OK then just as long as he doesn't do anything "disgusting"?

Doesn't sound a whole lot better really does it? Heavy drinking is heavy drinking.

Op I’d just get this thread deleted now because all you’re going to get is sad individuals coming back to tell you how low your standards are etc etc etc. It’s all quite predictable and dull.

Apologies if hundreds of you have mentioned this.

Wasn't there a similar thread where a woman accepted a meal out as "compensation" for a man behaving in a vile manner? Lots of really great advice was given. Then ignored.

Is this OP"s tale a coincidence? A copy? The same person?

The previous OP, she gleefully mentioned that the restaurant she'd picked wasn't cheap. To reassure us she had standards. Wasn't being bought off for a paltry sum!

It was a while ago.
The mumsnet replies showed heads shaking in despair at the non existent bar.

@Havingaswimmoose bloody hell I remember that! She was very proud that it was an expensive restaurant, as if that meant more!