To tell people we're still renting when we bought outright.

[TheChosen]

DH and I recently moved house. Our previous house was a rental and we lived there for almost a decade. The old house was a small 2 bed flat where we lived with our 2DC.

The old rent was way below market rate as we had lived there for so long. We sacrificed living and outdoor space a little longer than we probably should have for the financial security and to allow us to build our savings. The smaller home/outgoings also allowed me to cut my hours to part time while the children were younger so we were happy to make the sacrifices as the benefits outweighed the cons.

Our local area is mostly made up of large new build houses that cost above average for the city we live in. All of our acquaintances and friends have much larger homes than us, and were often surprised when they discovered we lived in such a small, modest flat. Especially as we both have 'good' careers.

We have a combined income of approx 80-95k (depending on bonuses) and have managed to save a good chunk for a house deposit. The market has been terrible for a while and we haven't found anything we like, so decided to also look for bigger rentals to give us a little more space while we house hunt.

A 3 bed rental came up locally and we went for it. After a month of living there, the landlord had some major family issues and notified us they would need to sell unexpectedly. We still hadn't found a place to buy that we liked, then the landlord made us a great offer to buy our current place.

The cost of the house was less than our saved deposit so we decided to make a cash offer and buy the place mortgage free. The deal is finally complete and we are really happy here.

Here's the AIBU. Anytime someone finds out we've moved, the first question they ask is if we are still renting or have bought. I don't know why, but it's really bugging me. Never would it cross my mind to ask someone their renting/home owner status. I'm finding it very intrusive.

Would they still be asking this question if we had previously lived in a similar home to theirs? Do they see us being 'beneath' them for being renters rather than owners?

The first few times I was asked I simply changed the subject and didn't answer, but it keeps happening. These people aren't even close friends, just local acquaintances.

I've eventually started telling them we are still renting as I feel telling them we bought outright would open the door to even more uncomfortable questions.

Is it me, or is it intrusive of people to ask someone (that they don't know very well) this?

My real friends haven't once asked my rental/owner status. Why do random people seem to think they have a right to this knowledge?

AIBU to find this question intrusive and unnecessary?

You don’t need to tell anyone you bought outright, but why not say you own it? (Everyone will assume you have a mortgage and you don’t need to disabuse them of that notion if you’d feel uncomfortable with them having that info)

i mean it’s no one’s business but you don’t need to tell people you paid off your mortgage. That’s just weird

Just say the landlord was selling so you bought it. No need for more details

I'm not sure why I didn't say that I own.

I was really taken back with the question being asked (multiple times) that I didn't want to share any information with them, so choice the easiest answer to avoid any more intrusive questions.

I see how it is annoying. But why would you need to tell them you’d bought outright, specifically? You’d just say yeah, we own it. And if they ask anything else, just say you’re not keen on discussing finances outside the family really.

But if you’ve started telling people you’re still renting you might have to keep on doing that for consistency!!

You could just say you bought it ? No need to go into the specifics

But there's no shame in renting and equally no need to be secretive about buying.

Plus they will be able to look it up on land registry in a matter of months (and they will be able to tell from that whether you are mortgage free)

Well, technically, you did rent it to begin with so it's not an outright lie. But, I agree - why not simply say you were renting and have now bought?

You're really overthinking a normal question people ask in small talk when someone has moved house.

I'm definitely over thinking it.

When I was asked, it make me think that they had been checking the property on rightmove etc.

The fact that it was a rental when me moved in made me think it would be extra awkward to explain the situation.

I was also miffed that people kept asking so wanted to snub them, if that makes sense.

I have never thought to ask someone if they had bought somewhere when they moved.

Do people actually ask this when making small talk. Or are they just being nosy?

I can't figure out why it has my back up so much.

That's quite paranoid (sorry). I think a good rule for life is to remember that people don't think about you anywhere near as much as you think about yourself.

I might ask this if a friend said they'd moved, because if they bought a place I might chat about whether they were going to put in any nice plants, decorate, etc.

What's the issue with saying "we bought it" or "we were renting then bought it when it came up for sale"?

It's probably because as soon as I mentioned we have moved, the first response from multiple people was 'have you bought or are you still renting'

No congratulations, no talks of decorating etc, just straight to the financial side of it.

Yes I do think it’s just small talk. Try not to worry, and enjoy your home

I wouldn't congratulate someone on moving house, would you? I might congratulate someone on buying a new house. I wouldn't talk about decorating with someone if they were renting. I might moan about conveyancing solicitors (or ask for a recommendation) if they'd recently bought a house. Etc.

Do you think you might be (perhaps subconsciously) scared of "showing off" about your financial situation and you're scared of the fact of being mortgage-free being revealed?

It's just small talk people don't really care 😂

I think you’re reading too much into normal conversation. People just want to be pleased for you getting some security. But also your immediate family ought to know so they don’t feel sorry for you and feel obliged to gift you money to get stable housing. There are inheritance threads on here all the time where homeowners are upset that their renting sibling got a bigger share (or the family home) because parents were worried about their future.

People will just assume you have a mortgage. Don't sweat it.

I do think it’s a bit of a nosy question, but I can’t understand why you’d be that bothered about just answering. Especially as the information is readily available online if anyone chose to look (at least it is where I live, I’m not in the UK though).

Oh and that’s me, I do look up the value of my friend’s houses!

Oh and to add, it wouldn’t be usual to say that you bought outright in response. Surely if asked if you bought or are renting, the answer is “we bought”. You don’t need to mention a mortgage vs buying outright.

Thanks for the replies. I'm 100% over thinking it.

I think it was just a defence to say I was still renting as it's not something I would personally ask someone if they told me they moved.

Probably a little bit if a complex on my part as we were the only one in our circle renting.

We tend to live a more modest life than others around us so it's definitely them being nosy too.

I think some people might ask the question because they are trying to establish whether you are in "for the long haul / part of the community" or a transient renter (by the way I am not saying anything here - iro of ownership, rentership, being part of the community etc etc.. we must all realise that there are shades in both ends of the spectrum from long term renters to "buy, flip, sell") You may find your treatment varies with your answer. Is it an unreasonable question ? Probably not on balance given the motivation, and people DO make small talk. And, if you answer "no, we have bought it", then you may face an even more unreasonable sounding one "how much for" (even though they can probably get this from zoopla if they cared that much). I think this is all fine, and you should not worry or start over thinking it. If they ask you how you have financed it, then a swift and dismissive "well it is always difficult, but we've managed" should suffice. That is absolutely no-one's business.

Goodness you are way overthinking this. Just say you bought it - I really don’t get why you think there’s anything more to it than simple question.

Really? You can see if a house is owned outright? How?

I would, and have congratulated friends who have moved. I would usually buy friends a 'congratulations on your new home, happy new home' or similar style of card with a bunch of flowers and bottle of bubbles.

Congratulations would normally be one of the first things I would say to them followed by questions on location and asking them if they need any help with anything/the move etc.

I certainly wouldn't instantly ask them if they have bought their house or if they are still renting. Probably why it's so strange to me. It's not something I've ever previously been asked when moving either.

It's good to get other perspectives on here with social norms and what is and isn't acceptable.

It's more the way they are asking it rather than what they are asking that's bothering me.