To tell people we're still renting when we bought outright.

[TheChosen]

DH and I recently moved house. Our previous house was a rental and we lived there for almost a decade. The old house was a small 2 bed flat where we lived with our 2DC.

The old rent was way below market rate as we had lived there for so long. We sacrificed living and outdoor space a little longer than we probably should have for the financial security and to allow us to build our savings. The smaller home/outgoings also allowed me to cut my hours to part time while the children were younger so we were happy to make the sacrifices as the benefits outweighed the cons.

Our local area is mostly made up of large new build houses that cost above average for the city we live in. All of our acquaintances and friends have much larger homes than us, and were often surprised when they discovered we lived in such a small, modest flat. Especially as we both have 'good' careers.

We have a combined income of approx 80-95k (depending on bonuses) and have managed to save a good chunk for a house deposit. The market has been terrible for a while and we haven't found anything we like, so decided to also look for bigger rentals to give us a little more space while we house hunt.

A 3 bed rental came up locally and we went for it. After a month of living there, the landlord had some major family issues and notified us they would need to sell unexpectedly. We still hadn't found a place to buy that we liked, then the landlord made us a great offer to buy our current place.

The cost of the house was less than our saved deposit so we decided to make a cash offer and buy the place mortgage free. The deal is finally complete and we are really happy here.

Here's the AIBU. Anytime someone finds out we've moved, the first question they ask is if we are still renting or have bought. I don't know why, but it's really bugging me. Never would it cross my mind to ask someone their renting/home owner status. I'm finding it very intrusive.

Would they still be asking this question if we had previously lived in a similar home to theirs? Do they see us being 'beneath' them for being renters rather than owners?

The first few times I was asked I simply changed the subject and didn't answer, but it keeps happening. These people aren't even close friends, just local acquaintances.

I've eventually started telling them we are still renting as I feel telling them we bought outright would open the door to even more uncomfortable questions.

Is it me, or is it intrusive of people to ask someone (that they don't know very well) this?

My real friends haven't once asked my rental/owner status. Why do random people seem to think they have a right to this knowledge?

AIBU to find this question intrusive and unnecessary?

I agree OP and I'm finding some of the responses weird on this thread.

So, a friend moves house and they tell you excitedly they are moving and what, the VERY first thing some people would say is: "do you rent it or own it?"- I mean, WTF, thats really bloody rude.

Also, why on earth would people in the neighbourhood treat you differently depending on if you rent or own? I have no clue whether half the people in my road own or rent and it wouldnt occur to me that I ought to be treating them differently because thats snobbish AF.

I understand your reaction OP- I think its fine to discuss these things but it should be info offered by the person- to fire questions at them about their financial situations is rude no matter how you look at it. I get why their intrusive question made you think you wouldnt give them anything

This is very odd. Lying about buying a house and over thinking it. It’s really not a big deal or something to lie about.

I think sometimes it's because if you own you can do stuff to it. And then that opens up more conversations about DIY gardening etc. in the same vein - if you were renting and having problems I know an awful lot about rental law and might be able to help. It's probably not about judgement. And nowadays owning is a massive achievement if it's something you want and so be proud!

As PP said, it is probably because if you own it you can do stuff, no point in mentioning doing house stuff like kitchens and carpets if you rent it. No need to know financial details of the sale though, that isn't relevant.

I sympathise OP because I have dealt with many incredibly intrusive questions lately. I say I don't want to discuss that. If the person has another go ( which they always do) I repeat myself. As I said I don't want to discuss that. Like you it's never proper friends that ask, it's acquaintances.

Yes this. I mean lie if you want but it’s just a bit odd that you care about disclosing this.

Nobody has ever asked me whether I am renting or have bought. Ever. In my whole life! Who are all these people asking you this?? How bizarre!

Also…what difference does it make to anyone else that they are so invested in your housing situation, that you feel the need to lie about it??

Weird!

OP, if you're in a fortunate financial position, it's always far better to pretend that you have a lot less than you do. Absolutely do not tell anyone that you own the house outright. And to those people who ask if you're renting or owning, just say you're renting, if you find it too personal to talk about. And don't feel bad. I live by the maxim "Ask no questions and you'll be told no lies." Most people are free with the information that they own, if they are owners, but come to think of it, no one needs to know whether you rent or own.

Congratulations on being financially savvy and then getting such a great deal! Am happy for you.

I find that saying "Ask no questions and you'll be told no lies" tends to shut people up pretty well.

I’d just say you bought it and leave it at that. You don’t need to say mortgaged or otherwise. Most people will assume you have a mortgage; let them get on with it.

“What a strange question to ask someone. I don’t think I’m comfortable answering that.” Then change the subject.

No need to over-share that you’re mortgage free—with ANYONE.

You can always say that you bought it, or that you were renting, but the owner decided to sell, so you bought it (happens a lot—my sister bought her rented house from the owner). If you’re worried about nosiness, there’s not much you can do. Around 6 months or so after the purchase goes through, the date of sale and price of sale go publicly online. People who know you will know that the date was not long after you moved in.

As someone who also rented for a long time as an adult before buying (due to work being very transient for many years) and also lived in a flat as a family I get both sides of this. Middle class professionals find it a little curious and might seem surprised when they find out you don’t live in a 3/4 bed ‘family home’.

But moving house, especially when buying is a big life change (even when you’ve moved many times) and the fact you didn’t tell them about the move before it happened, will lead to conversations and curiosity that you didn’t mentioned it before - it’s not normally a quick process! Buying and selling is the sort of thing people often chat about - not the financial details and it would be incredible unusual for someone to even ask if you are mortgage free - they will just assume not - it’s just something to chat about and everyone can compare horror stories about the process and awkward buyers/sellers etc.

I wouldn’t read more into it and lying to me seems like a reaction to you feeling uncomfortable about other people’s perceptions - which I do totally understand.

if I were you at some point when it comes up naturally I would let slip that you had the chance to buy cos your landlord was selling and the place is now yours. No one will ask about your mortgage - they might look up what you paid for it which will be freely available a few months after purchase date but very few will care enough to pay to find more details than that even if as others say such things are possible.

That's a really odd reaction to completely normal small talk. Wanting to snub them? Very strange.

People are asking because if you have bought they want to celebrate with you. Just say you bought it, no need to say you are mortgage free.

Also as you now own a house you will want to do things to it that you couldn’t do when you were renting so people will raise eyebrows if you have told them you are renting and then start ripping out the bathroom or landscaping the garden.

A neighbour asked me if I had bought my house or was renting it. I also found that very wierd as I don’t really know them. I said bought (didn’t mention I was also mortgage free), but I started getting paranoid that the garden was getting too scruffy so he assumed I was renting. I just find gardening difficult now so have hired a professional but I thought it was such an oddly personal question to ask.

I can understand people asking if you're renting if you were renting previously and seemed happy where you were. They might wonder why you moved, or whether you have decided now is the time to buy. There is absolutely no reason to tell them you are mortgage free. Everyone will assume you have a mortgage.

One of the few times I have had to tell anyone I bought my house outright was when I started getting lots of unwanted 'advice' on how to pay my mortgage as a pensioner (I got a very fortunate inheritance which enabled me to buy outright as I turned 60, and I took retirement at 65). The assumption was that I was going to struggle financially to cover my costs and I had to shoot down the worrier by telling them I owned outright. Nobody else knows or cares.

Housing is a national preoccupation. We are extremely interested in where other people live, how much it costs them, how much their property is worth. Its what comes from seeing housing status as a measure of success, while being in the midst of a crisis that means its harder to achieve. People want other peoples details because they are a yardstick to hopefully reassure, so questions like these have entered polite conversation.
However you answer its likely to lead to supplementary questions because people want details and discussion. So unless you are going to say MYOB which you're entitled to, the truth is probably best so you don't trip yourself up.

The mind boggles at the questions people ask these days. Your financial affairs are literally none of their business and they are showing themselves up by asking. My response is usually’I don’t need to answer that’ and rapidly change the subject.

Why would they congratulate you for renting a house? It’s not an achievement. You were renting previously so maybe they are asking if you’re renting or buying and then maybe if you said buying they’d congratulate you and ask about decorating etc.
YABU about it, just say we own it, I’ve never known anyone to go on to ask what your mortgage payments are or if you own outright

To me it seems like you over thinking it all but I only say this as in my circle we do talk about these things openly. No one is better or worse than anyone else for renting or buying.

Are you feeling the way you do because you yourself think renting is inferior to buying a property?

I actually sort of get you OP, as people do look down on renters. We rented for years as we had lived overseas and just couldn't afford to buy. We rented for a few more years than necessary as we didn't want to get on the 'ladder' of working up to a big family home from a starter home, pay multiple moving fees, conveyancing fees etc so we waited until we could afford the detached house as our first buy.
SO many people asked how on earth we could afford to do that as we were 'only' renters, told us how much money we'd wasted renting for years etc
So I get it, you probably are overthinking but I know I was extremely defensive of my housing situation after so many people looked down on us renting.

I say don’t overthink it. People ask because it’s a natural follow up question. I think it gets your back up as you’re afraid of judgment, but genuinely I think it’s a pretty standard reply to saying you’ve moved

You don’t have to say you have no mortgage - that could sound braggy*. But no harm in saying you’ve bought

*edited to add: no one needs to know about your financial position, it’s none of their business. If someone asked if you had a mortgage, that IMO is a non standard response and intrusive

I’ve never asked/ been asked if the home is bought OUTRIGHT but plenty of times whether I’m/they’re renting or if it’s owned.

I wouldn’t include the outright bit, as that may lead to further questions but I would say you’ve bought it.

Well done you for being able to buy your own home, it’s a great achievement that most people will never have and something I wouldn’t be ashamed about telling people about (not in a bragging way).

Why don't you just say you were renting it but when the landlord needed to sell and offered it to you that it was the easier option to buy it as you didn't want to face the hassle of moving again.

Some times well meaning friends don't realise how frustrating their questions can be.