To tell people we're still renting when we bought outright.

[TheChosen]

DH and I recently moved house. Our previous house was a rental and we lived there for almost a decade. The old house was a small 2 bed flat where we lived with our 2DC.

The old rent was way below market rate as we had lived there for so long. We sacrificed living and outdoor space a little longer than we probably should have for the financial security and to allow us to build our savings. The smaller home/outgoings also allowed me to cut my hours to part time while the children were younger so we were happy to make the sacrifices as the benefits outweighed the cons.

Our local area is mostly made up of large new build houses that cost above average for the city we live in. All of our acquaintances and friends have much larger homes than us, and were often surprised when they discovered we lived in such a small, modest flat. Especially as we both have 'good' careers.

We have a combined income of approx 80-95k (depending on bonuses) and have managed to save a good chunk for a house deposit. The market has been terrible for a while and we haven't found anything we like, so decided to also look for bigger rentals to give us a little more space while we house hunt.

A 3 bed rental came up locally and we went for it. After a month of living there, the landlord had some major family issues and notified us they would need to sell unexpectedly. We still hadn't found a place to buy that we liked, then the landlord made us a great offer to buy our current place.

The cost of the house was less than our saved deposit so we decided to make a cash offer and buy the place mortgage free. The deal is finally complete and we are really happy here.

Here's the AIBU. Anytime someone finds out we've moved, the first question they ask is if we are still renting or have bought. I don't know why, but it's really bugging me. Never would it cross my mind to ask someone their renting/home owner status. I'm finding it very intrusive.

Would they still be asking this question if we had previously lived in a similar home to theirs? Do they see us being 'beneath' them for being renters rather than owners?

The first few times I was asked I simply changed the subject and didn't answer, but it keeps happening. These people aren't even close friends, just local acquaintances.

I've eventually started telling them we are still renting as I feel telling them we bought outright would open the door to even more uncomfortable questions.

Is it me, or is it intrusive of people to ask someone (that they don't know very well) this?

My real friends haven't once asked my rental/owner status. Why do random people seem to think they have a right to this knowledge?

AIBU to find this question intrusive and unnecessary?

Really? I'm in the UK, and I would say that is NOT a topic for general conversation, other people's finances, including their housing status, is nobody's business but their own. I think such a question is very rude and intrusive.

It’s none of these random people’s business but it sounds like you have a bit of a complex around this. They are probably being nosy rather than looking down at you and I don’t think it’s an intrusive question (asking how much you are paying would be though).

Im really nosey so alwsys check nethouseprices.com to see how much was paid!
Saying that most of my friends and family own rather than rent up here (northern towns)

I agree with @Wingwalk . I don’t think it’s rude. It’s just chit chat and buying a house is a milestone.

I have reached the rather unfortunate time in my life where I assume everyone owns there house because the vast majority of my friends and colleagues do. So it’s easy to slip into house conversation about owning e.g,, are you going to do the kitchen? Isn’t stamp duty a nightmare etc. And then they say “well we only rent it so…”. Doesn’t happen often mind you!

I do that - I always look at what someone paid for their new house 🤣🤣 sometimes I pay £7 to the land registry to find out who owns houses too 🫣🫣

Im too tight to pay for the registry but love that you look.

Although I understand why the question itself may annoy you OP, I fail to see how lying in response makes things any better? Just say you own it. You are not the first person to have bought a house, it's thoroughly unimportant in the bigger scheme of things.

You mentioned your friends having bigger houses and being surprised about you renting a flat given your careers, so could that have something to do with it? It’s a common trap to compare ourselves to our friends, and it sounds like you are happy with your home but conscious of the differences in your homes. So when others ask it may trigger that feeling.

OP thats because the question aboit if its rented /bought is the precursor to any discussion about decorating or reno... No point discussing redecorating if its a rental?

Tbh i think its quite odd that your instinct was to lie about something so simple/ normal - do you struggle a bit with paranoia around typical social interactions and lie quite a lot? I dont think your response was normal to be honest. Who cares if people are being a bit nosy/curious about whether you have bought? Its human nature. What exactly do you think they they are going to do with that info, use ut against you somehow??

I think they're just making conversation, since if you've bought they might ask you if you've got plans to renovate or decorate etc.
However I wouldn't mention that you bought outright as they will start prying into how you have managed that.

I agree with you OP -it’s very bad manners to ask people how grey are paying for something and I’m surprised at the amount of people who think it’s ok.
I think I’d just say we’ve bought it and if anyone follows through with do you have mortgage, I’d just laugh and say ‘so many questions - would you like to see my bank statements’ and then change the subject.

Exactly.

First of all congratulations on being incredible sensible and frugal. Your hard work and sacrifice has paid off.
secondly I would not take umbrage if someone asks if we buy or rent. You will find this a very popular topic of conversations everywhere you go. House buying is like the weather. A neutral topic. Just say you are thrilled to have bought your first home at last, and if anyone is crass enough to ask your mortgage just smile and say "oh cash actually ". That will shut them down.
well done you.

Neighbours ask that question to see if you’re temporary or permanent neighbours. If a neighbour say they bought it, people will be pleased that you’re more permanent than a renter. People would just assumed it’s mortgaged, unless you told them otherwise. I was asked both times I moved. Congratulations on owning your own home!

It could be a precursor to congratulations - they may well take the view that if you're still renting it's no big deal, if you've bought it's a matter for congratulation because you have a secure home that you can decorate and furnish as you like etc etc.

I get you @TheChosen people are weird about renting in this country and seem to want to know if you are, so that they can advise you about mortgages and home buying. We did the same as you long term super cheap rental for convenience allowing us to save a deposit.
If you can just keep changing the subject.

You can order a copy of the registered title from land registry.

This will show whether there are any charges (eg mortgages) on the property. If there aren't any listed then you know the person owns outright

You can also see the name/s of the registered owners, their contact address, and how much they paid for the property

Obviously I have never done this to snoop. But people can. So it's a bit daft lying about something that's in public records.

It can be useful e.g. if you are unsure who a parcel of land belongs to.

Its no one else's business but people are generally curious and ask questions. Its not unreasonable to say youd rather not discuss your finances but its a bit weird to have lied imo

Why would anyone say congratulations on moving? It just part of life, most of my mates hate moving when renting it generally a
massive inconvenience and stressful.

if you are at the age where people start buying houses it’s a pretty normal question.

you are thinking it’s a value judgement and it’s really not.

I don’t do this as a matter of course but as I said I upthread I do do it sometimes if there is something about a house nearby I am curious about. I also do it for any house I am seriously considering buying.

I would DEFINITELY do it if I asked someone a very normal question and they were cagey in their response!

Maybe that’s the thing - they want to know whether to congratulate the Op.

Bought a bigger house? Congratulations!
Downsized and are now mortgage free? Congratulations!
Moved from one rental to another? Sorry about all the agg and expense!

I have friends in rented who have had to move 2 or 3 times within a short number of years due to landlords selling up. I'd be delighted to learn they'd bought a property because it would mean greater stability for their families. I have no interest in their financial situation. I certainly don't think it's an unreasonable question to ask someone who's in a well paying career.

Are you afraid of losing the "modest lifestyle" label? It sounds like it.

An no, we never congratulated to each other when moving between rentals with my friends. I would never think of that. Wait, one or twice actually. "Congrats on escaping that shithole". Otherwise it's just bit odd.

I think you have got a bit obsessed about your status. It's so incredibly common to discuss houses and mortgages and the problems with buying and selling that people will just ask the renting or bought question as it gives a guide as to which route the conversation can go down.

I'd be very surprised if anyone (although I bet it happens) orders deeds from the land registry in order to find out if their friends have mortgages or not.

Same