To tell people we're still renting when we bought outright.

[TheChosen]

DH and I recently moved house. Our previous house was a rental and we lived there for almost a decade. The old house was a small 2 bed flat where we lived with our 2DC.

The old rent was way below market rate as we had lived there for so long. We sacrificed living and outdoor space a little longer than we probably should have for the financial security and to allow us to build our savings. The smaller home/outgoings also allowed me to cut my hours to part time while the children were younger so we were happy to make the sacrifices as the benefits outweighed the cons.

Our local area is mostly made up of large new build houses that cost above average for the city we live in. All of our acquaintances and friends have much larger homes than us, and were often surprised when they discovered we lived in such a small, modest flat. Especially as we both have 'good' careers.

We have a combined income of approx 80-95k (depending on bonuses) and have managed to save a good chunk for a house deposit. The market has been terrible for a while and we haven't found anything we like, so decided to also look for bigger rentals to give us a little more space while we house hunt.

A 3 bed rental came up locally and we went for it. After a month of living there, the landlord had some major family issues and notified us they would need to sell unexpectedly. We still hadn't found a place to buy that we liked, then the landlord made us a great offer to buy our current place.

The cost of the house was less than our saved deposit so we decided to make a cash offer and buy the place mortgage free. The deal is finally complete and we are really happy here.

Here's the AIBU. Anytime someone finds out we've moved, the first question they ask is if we are still renting or have bought. I don't know why, but it's really bugging me. Never would it cross my mind to ask someone their renting/home owner status. I'm finding it very intrusive.

Would they still be asking this question if we had previously lived in a similar home to theirs? Do they see us being 'beneath' them for being renters rather than owners?

The first few times I was asked I simply changed the subject and didn't answer, but it keeps happening. These people aren't even close friends, just local acquaintances.

I've eventually started telling them we are still renting as I feel telling them we bought outright would open the door to even more uncomfortable questions.

Is it me, or is it intrusive of people to ask someone (that they don't know very well) this?

My real friends haven't once asked my rental/owner status. Why do random people seem to think they have a right to this knowledge?

AIBU to find this question intrusive and unnecessary?

I just can't imagine getting through an entire house move and then sale without telling anyone?! "Omg we've just moved and now the landlord needs to sell, but s/he's offered to sell to us but we hadn't rented expecting to buy This place so we need to work out if it's got the right compromises for us long term" type of thing.

Weird. why would you say how you bought your house and how much if any mortgage on it. Just say you bought it, no other details required

I guess people see owning a house as more exciting, you can decorate and make changes and put your own stamp on it. I'd be more likely to congratulate someone on buying, especially for the 1st time, it's a kind of a milestone for many people.

I think they ask so they know if follow up conversation on the new house are appropriate, whether to say congratulations/ ask about if it needs much work / any plans to decorate... things you might not ask a renter.

You are overthinking it.

People don't really care if you rent or own the house, they are just making conversation and showing an interest.

I would say we have bought it but you don't need to explain any of the financial details like whether you have a mortgage or not. People will probably assume that you do but you don't need to give any details about that.

Are the people asking you homeowners? If so, they want to know whether you are one of them now. They want to know which box to put you in. They may well believe subconsciously or very overtly that homeowners are more hardworking and more successful as citizens. Alternatively they may have been worried about you and really care whether you are trapped in the exploitative world of renting. They may want to know that you are now enjoying the security they are grateful for themselves. Basically it depends on what sort of person they are… If it’s getting your back up it may be instinctively you know they are in the first group. Unless they’re renters themselves and wondering how you did it because your story is pretty unusual.

I think nobody cares if you are renting or not.

It is just general small talk, thats all.
I think you have blown things out of proportion to be honest and told a stupid lie that you now have to keep up. Honestly that was ridiculous.
It's hardly an intrusive question but a conversation starter.

I have family and friends that rent, own their homes outright or a have amortgage.It makes no difference to anyone.

It’s a common question really. Not sure why you’re over thinking it so much. I’d find it weird if I found out you’d lied to me.

I'd be proud that I'd managed to save up the money. I can't understand why you don't say you own it. I don't judge anyone by whether they rent or own their home anyway. I think most people would assume you have a mortgage and probably wouldn't ask that but obviously you don't need to tell them any details. I just don't think it's a good idea to lie needlessly.

We rented for about a decade. We then moved into the house we bought and people asked if we were buying now. I didnt think it was intrusive. I thought it was a normal question from people who were just showing interest. I actually liked renting. Our house now is lovely but there was a certain freedom in anything breaking like the boiler not being my problem.

Just say you own it. No need to divulge any more. I own my house outright, only a handful of people know. I'm sure other people do by now was well (age 50).

Yes, it is mildly intrusive but still falls very much within normal small talk. I would feel comfortable telling them what happened (without any of the financial detail). If they then asked how you funded it - well that would be intrusive and I would not be answering. Saying you bought it outright would be quite the overshare to the original question.

It sounds like you maintain a healthy gap between your spending and your income and are disciplined savers. No keeping up with the Joneses. You’re probably going to have to get used to people making [incorrect] assumptions about your finances without correcting them. Yes, some people do say things in a certain way so you get an inkling that they are being nosy/levelling you. I’m mid fifties and I have collected a lot of anecdotes now…

We are long term renters. And I’m with you, OP. We found people asked us the same question last time we moved and also wondered why they did that. Whenever people we knew moved house (parents from school, colleagues etc), I’d never think to ask whether it was a purchase.

I have long held the view that they think we are second class because of our housing situation. And I hate it. But I do think to some degree that’s my hatred towards my situation making me paranoid about people’s views.

I ask because my friends with children, who rent, it's super stressful because the landlord can decide they want to sell, kick them out, their lives are turned upside down, etc... Most of them have have wanted to buy for ages. Some don't because they might move again/want to put the money into a business and that's 100% their choice BUT ALSO the sort of interesting life thing you talk to your friends about?

So I wouldn't ask randomly out of nowhere, but if someone was moving, I'd ask if they're renting or buying because they're my friends and I want them to have a happier more stable life, I am interested in their wellbeing so I'd ask 🤷🏻‍♀️

Although tbh they would normally tell me before I asked because it's quite a normal thing to share and not a state secret or anything!!! You are being quite weird about this TBH...

I would just tell them that's none of their business and quite rude of them to ask

Def over thinking but equally I’m shocked if that’s the right word that you had manage to save such a huge deposit , while renting to be able to buy it outright and no mortgage

but no need to say mortgage free. Just that you brought it

Pp on this thread really underestimate how nosy people can be and how much information can be found online.

Paying for Land Registry information may say if there is a mortgage on the property, and give dates of change of ownership bur properties do get sold with tenants in situ.

PS I have no idea if my friends bought outright or have a mortgage (unless it came up in conversation, like I know one friend has a mortgage cause all the Liz Truss stuff happened and she nearly didn't! So much drama!!) so that bit probably is TMI. But renting/buying is pretty normal small talk if you ask me.

People ask because buying a house is an exciting milestone and so somewhat celebratory.

it also suggests a permanece in the community that people like to tap into, especially if you’re not from the local area.

in terms of small talk it opens up a whole raft of additional topics to talk about around plans for the house: decorating, renovations, & repairs as well as an opportunity to complain about the process which for most people has at least some drama or irritation.

The next time anyone asks that question simply reply ‘why do you need to know?’ And shut the conversation down.
It is no one else’s business whether you buy or rent and reading your post you seem to have prioritised matters very well. Good luck in your new home 💐

This sort of answer is why so many posters come on MN wondering why they have no friends 😮💀

it’s a really aggressive response to a perfectly normal piece of small talk

I understand and agree that it's an intrusive question, but also it's a bit weird to lie.

If you're not comfortable answering then you have two options -

1. Just tell them you don't normally discuss finances outside family
2. Be vague, say that you own, don't give further details

Answering untruthfully is just a bit strange, not sure why you would say you're renting when you're not.

I’m with you OP - it’s a social status question in their eyes. I had someone ask me how much I sold my house for - when I declined to say they pushed on it and I felt very uncomfortable. I didn’t feel their question was understanding of my situation and I expected better from a friend. There was context and context determines how you feel when it’s asked and what you think their intentions are in having that info.

I think people ask and like to talk about buying a home because for a lot of people who have bought a house it’s a big thing for them and causes a lot of stress what with the extra fees and worries about whether the chain will last etc.
For me it’s a really boring topic… but I have never bought a home!
I do get your feelings, OP… I find it annoying when people use the words “….or are you still renting?” because the word “still” in this context implies I am in a position waiting for the next inevitable stage of life. They don’t consider that perhaps renting suits me better.
In your situation, I agree it’s not anyone’s business, but I suppose they might look on Right Move and see that it’s been bought – and it’s going to seem weird that you’ve outright lied. So I would be truthful next time someone asks (or even drop it in conversation with the people who’ve already asked and who you lied to), and just keep it brief and general – say that you were renting it and then the landlord offer for you to buy it. There’s absolutely no reason for you to have to explain that you used cash and bought it outright. People will presume you’ve got a mortgage. If anyone then wants to go into more deep conversation with you on it, you can just change the subject I’m sure.

How was my response aggressive? OP stated that it was casual acquaintances asking personal questions about her living arrangements which is really no one else’s business!

What is the general demographic of the people asking?

I wonder if it is either
"I say, are you awful renters who won't care about the maintenance and turn the house into a ghetto? "
Or just as bad
"We rent, everyone here rents, are you stuck up snobs who own? Dont get ideas above yourself"