To tell people we're still renting when we bought outright.

[TheChosen]

DH and I recently moved house. Our previous house was a rental and we lived there for almost a decade. The old house was a small 2 bed flat where we lived with our 2DC.

The old rent was way below market rate as we had lived there for so long. We sacrificed living and outdoor space a little longer than we probably should have for the financial security and to allow us to build our savings. The smaller home/outgoings also allowed me to cut my hours to part time while the children were younger so we were happy to make the sacrifices as the benefits outweighed the cons.

Our local area is mostly made up of large new build houses that cost above average for the city we live in. All of our acquaintances and friends have much larger homes than us, and were often surprised when they discovered we lived in such a small, modest flat. Especially as we both have 'good' careers.

We have a combined income of approx 80-95k (depending on bonuses) and have managed to save a good chunk for a house deposit. The market has been terrible for a while and we haven't found anything we like, so decided to also look for bigger rentals to give us a little more space while we house hunt.

A 3 bed rental came up locally and we went for it. After a month of living there, the landlord had some major family issues and notified us they would need to sell unexpectedly. We still hadn't found a place to buy that we liked, then the landlord made us a great offer to buy our current place.

The cost of the house was less than our saved deposit so we decided to make a cash offer and buy the place mortgage free. The deal is finally complete and we are really happy here.

Here's the AIBU. Anytime someone finds out we've moved, the first question they ask is if we are still renting or have bought. I don't know why, but it's really bugging me. Never would it cross my mind to ask someone their renting/home owner status. I'm finding it very intrusive.

Would they still be asking this question if we had previously lived in a similar home to theirs? Do they see us being 'beneath' them for being renters rather than owners?

The first few times I was asked I simply changed the subject and didn't answer, but it keeps happening. These people aren't even close friends, just local acquaintances.

I've eventually started telling them we are still renting as I feel telling them we bought outright would open the door to even more uncomfortable questions.

Is it me, or is it intrusive of people to ask someone (that they don't know very well) this?

My real friends haven't once asked my rental/owner status. Why do random people seem to think they have a right to this knowledge?

AIBU to find this question intrusive and unnecessary?

they are probably just making conversation. It’s weird to lie about it, but nobody would answer oh no I’m a cash buyer, that’s wanky. Just say bought it and they’ll all assume you have a mortgage like they do? I would honestly expect to know whether friends were owners or renters as a casual conversation topic. In the US I think you can look up people’s mortgages - now that feels intrusive!!

Exactly. Can’t see you have a problem. Just

A move from renting to buying. is normally seen as a step up the success ladder. Perhaps they want to congratulate you?

If you want to snub them then just say "why do you ask?"

really? you can put someone's name in a search and it will tell you what their mortgage is?

OP, similar to you we rented for a long time and we built up a deposit. Then we were asked to leave and had to find a rental quite quickly. It turned out new landlord was selling all his properties. We hashed out a price, did a private sale and that was that. I didn't even tell my parents or anyone really. We just got on with it. We did need a mortgage though, prices have stayed high in our area.

I am quite a private person so don't post much about what I'm doing on socials. And i wouldnt bring it myself, only if someone asked. Just say "we own our house. Yeah, got a great deal and after renting for so long, it's nice to have a home that's really ours." You'd be surprised how freeing that is and in your case, it really is yours! The building society owns 3/4 of my house 😅

I know what it's like being in a community where you feel less worthy or you don't quite fit in. It goes away, once you realise you deserve what you have. All the best.

It's just making small talk....the reply to yes we bought is oh how lovely you can put your own stamp on it, is there much you want to do? Cue conversations about paint and who did their patio. Don't overthink it.

People are weird to ask those type of questions, it's no business of them to pry. A next door neighbour moved in 4 years ago and he rented. It was only the other day when we were chatting about his new fence that I realised he'd bought the house and he told me it was a cash purchase, off his landlord 3 years previously. My partner knew he'd bought it years ago because our neighbour told him not because my partner asked.

I agree, it’s nosey and rude
I don’t know why people think it’s acceptable.
personally I would reply with ‘I don’t feel comfortable sharing my private financial business publicly, thank you’
or the good old ‘why do you want to know?’ ‘Weird thing to ask someone’ and watch them squirm

you have very weird friends. I have no idea whether most of my friends have a mortgage or not, and am not overly invested in whether they are renting or buying. No need to hide it of course and if you're good friends they would know anyway as you would likely be talking about the houses you were viewing, but I don't think even my best friend knows whether I have a mortgage or not. Nor would she care.

No- it wont tell you the amount of the mortgage.

It will simply say something like "A charge dated 15 March 2022 in favour of Nationwide Building Society" etc

It will be listed as a charge on the property from the mortgage lender. Thats it. It wont tell you any financial details about it, just that there is a charge.

I'm a bit baffled why people are apparently paying for this information though - why? so what if someone has a mortgage or not?- I dont get how that affects other people's lives in any way. What a stupid waste of money

Read your own post back - you say these nosey Parkers are only acquaintances so you absolutely don't owe them any explanation about your living and financial arrangements, you don't owe anyone that information in fact.

just shut the conversation down and change the subject,

You just say you bought it and move on.

Yes this 100% - people are just making small talk, no one really cares and will not give the conversation another thought 5 minutes later..

Oh god I’m that person who asks and I really really don’t mean it in a horrible gossipy way, I’m just curious and (if people own their house) I want to start telling them about that new amazing paint I found at B&Q for half price or about that great landscaper that I found on FB and I can recommend them etc

Im an absolute oversharer and enthusiastic chatterbox so sometimes I forget not everyone else is…

Need to be more careful!

However I’d never expect to know deets about the ownership situation so if it’s bought outright or mortgage or auction or whatever that’s a bit too much info, so OP I don’t think you need to worry about that, you can just say (if you want) that you’ve bought the place

Oh thank god, so it IS an OK thing to ask - I was needlessly cringing at myself 😂😭😂😭😂

Oh thank god, so it IS an OK thing to ask - I was needlessly cringing at myself 😂😭😂😭😂

I think it’s a normal question. People are not really bothered either way, they are just moving the conversation along. The other option is to just say “oh great!”. But I would definitely not tell anyone I’ve bought outright, people can be really weird about it and get resentful or jealous

Because they wouldn’t expect you to be decorating a rental?
It’s just chit chat. Anyway well done for buying outright! Mortgage free - the dream.

Buying property is standard small talk among my friends and family. Renting is seen as a waste of money, something annoying you have to do before you buy.

Everyone is delighted when someone announces they are buying but nobody would dream of asking if they are buying with cash or a mortgage. That's private and a mortgage is assumed. You are taking it too personally and it seems overly secretive not to say you're now an owner.

I've never heard of being congratulated or given flowers for a new rental place.

People on this thread have said that they pay money to land registry to find out if people they know have bought so clearly, some people do care 🤣

I get where you're coming from. We recently paid off our mortgage. I haven't told anyone this in real life because it sounds kind of smug (we are in our late 50s, so not some super-boast).

However, I would lie if someone asked me directly.

YABU. It’s quite unusual in this country for a couple who could afford to buy a house (even with a mortgage) to choose to rent instead, so people are just interested. I really don’t understand why you have a problem with this. There’s absolutely no need to go into the specifics of mortgage/no mortgage.

OP, I have a tactic that I use when asked any question that I feel is overstepping the mark…
Them: Have you bought your house or are you still renting?
Me: (smiling) Why do you want to know?
Them: (completely flustered) Well.. em… I was just wondering… (nobody has ever admitted because I’m nosey!)
Me: (still smiling) Oh, were you…. ? Nice long pause ….

works every time.

You should definitely also consider the fact that if you told someone you were renting and for whatever reason they discovered you actually own the property (regardless of mortgage or not), they will know you lied and given that it’s such an odd thing to lie about, will then lead them to think all sorts of things about about.