AIBU to not let my husbands family meet my newborn baby despite letting my family meet the baby?

[hello1999]

This post is going to be short as I gave birth 2 days ago and I'm exhausted 😅. We got home from the hospital this morning, I had a few complications during birth so they kept me at the hospital overnight. But my daughter is healthy and she is perfect.

My family came to visit at the hospital yesterday. My parents, my older brother and my older sister all came to visit. I didn't mind them being there, we are a close family so I wasn't bothered by them visiting. My mum and dad are staying with me and my husband for another 2 weeks to help us. And my siblings visited my house today, they stayed for dinner, and it was nice to chat to them without worrying about the fact I feel awful right now. However, I have asked my husbands parents and his siblings to wait a week before visiting us. Mainly because I don't feel comfortable being around people who aren't my close family whilst I am still in pain and adjusting to motherhood. I need a week to atleast figure out my routine.

My husband has no issue with this but my mother in law and my sister in law have sent multiple texts telling me that I am being selfish. They said that the baby is their family too so they should be able to meet the baby at the same time as my family. Apparently my pain can't be "bad enough" to stop me from having visitors over. According to my mother in law, back in her day, people gave birth and just got on with life. No fuss.

AIBU?

Sorry this post is short and might be lacking context. I am so tired.

Ha! At least you admit there is no counter to what I said. Only recourse to try and be insulting...just like the ILs! No wonder you relate to them.

To be fair we don't know how the OP replied. She might have sent a nice message or she might have been rude. Who knows how these things escalate.

So you'd like to help your DD? Like the in-laws in this thread want to help their son you mean? What if your DD said he says you can't come round but his family can?

No it wouldn't because I'm not so insecure that I can't understand her own family are more important than me at this stage.

@PeachesxBDA But weren’t the messages sent in response to the OP refusing to let her mother in law see her new granddaughter? Of course it wasn't the right response but I can understand why she reacted like that, knowing that the OP was surrounding herself with her own immediate family for two weeks bit not allowing her to meet the baby during that time.

Was that meant to be some kind of gotcha? Because I assure you it wasn't - you are still in the wrong 🤣🤣

Bullshit to the whole well if you don’t let them you won’t have a village.

One just because you let them visit even hours after birth doesn’t mean they will be your village anyway.

Two any village who would shun your child because they waited 7 days to see them isn’t a village you want to be part of.

Oh you are insecure 🤣

I don’t like the way you are calling your parents and siblings family but calling your MIL and SIL visitors. Your mother doesn’t sound very nice saying that she’s glad you’re not having visitors over.

I can see this from your husband’s family’s perspective too, and I imagine it must be really hurtful for them to feel they’re being denied the chance to meet your newborn while your family are able to share that special time. They are likely just as excited and emotional about meeting the baby.
Your baby is a part of both you and your husband, and I hope you can find a way for both sides of the family to feel included in this precious moment. Please don’t take away the opportunity for them to share in those early memories with you.
After giving birth, everyone understands that you won’t feel or look your best, and I’m sure they won’t be expecting anything other than the chance to meet and support you.
I do worry that completely shutting them out could cause lasting hurt and damage the relationship, as they may feel they are being deliberately excluded or pushed away.

Yours and Bubbles' posts are the epitome of dramatic and self centred. They have been asked to wait a week.

Come on what help does the son really need?

He isn’t recovering from giving birth. He isn’t trying to breast feed. He isn’t the one with a forever altered body.

What he has missed a few hours sleep 🙄🙄

Unless he is missing his maid now she has a baby that is…

I have two sons and just read your post and thought how upset I’d be, it’s also your DHs baby? I can’t fathom why you don’t just let them pop round say hi to the baby maybe go upstairs for a nap when they come and let you DH manage the visit. I’m sure you’ll be able to find a gap of an hour or so where feeds aren’t needed even if you are breast feeding, I wouldn’t send you messages but I’d be bloody upset if my sons wife did this.

No idea what you're on about now. I'm glad my mother in law wasn't like you.

How strange to see wanting to recover from birth as 'scoring points'. It says a lot more about you than it does the OP and her DH.

The only ones who will lose out are the ILs If they continue viewing this in an adversairial 'point scoring' way.

On so sorry you think it's ok to weaponise Children. You can't help it I know x

I do think your being a bit unfair and controlling but I understand your hormones are all over the place. If you do allow them to visit it doesn't have to be for long and your DH needs to protect you! If my in laws were expecting me to be up and about and making comments about my appearance when I had just given birth my DH would have read them the riot act and told them to leave!

I'm too young to be a mother in law but old enough to know that those that fiercely support weaponising children must have deep issues.

Father's don't matter. Just wow.

Yes, the grandmother and aunt are indeed selfish wankers. Anyone who sends nasty, bullying messages, in an attempt to intimidate someone is a selfish wanker. I very much doubt that @hello1999 has suddenly decided to spend more time with these people as a result so they are stupid as well as selfish!

Yes, I'd like it if she welcomed it. And if she didn't I'd have to be an adult about it. We've heard nothing so far about the ILs wanting to support their son, quite the opposite. If my DD said I couldn't come round for a few days? Would I alienate her and her partner for having boundaries? Send nasty messages? If I cared about having a good relationship with them all - absolutely not! Would I perhaps feel impatient, maybe even jealous? Perhaps I would. But would I childishly lash out because my needs weren't being put front and centre? If I had any emotional intelligence of course I wouldn't.

Weaponising children is wrong. Full stop.

Sweet Lawd…who hurt you, Seabubbles?

I’ve read all of this thread and despite the people asking for the thread to go because OP is being bullied, their comments to other posters have been nothing short of a disgrace.

You talk about the patriarchy and women having to ‘put up and shut up like they are in the third world or something’ and yet tear down other women on this thread who merely have a different opinion to you. Pouring scorn onto other mother’s experiences? Totally supportive eh?

‘All this anger’, ‘odd behaviour’, ‘strange behaviour’, don’t tell me what I think, arguing when their own words have been questioned (and the meaning and intention is plain) and the poor dad’s only involvement in their daughter’s being (note the ‘their’ when the mother is all ‘my’) is a wee bit of 9 month old ‘jizz’. Charming.

Oh and we are all bitter MILs or angry men? No.

Decrying the DH’s family as being ‘awful/truly vile/nasty/horrendous’? The texts were awful but I will bet they came from a place of disappointment and hurt at being so obviously sidelined.

Not to mention that anyone trying to see the view or understand the feelings of the MIL and the DH? As well as being lectured on biology and how he doesn’t need any support because he didn’t birth the baby?

It is a poisonous thread for sure but not quite for the reasons some may think.

This DIL has made a decision she is entirely entitled to make. However she has not quite thought it through - and the vote is fairly firm on that - and she has quite likely damaged her relationship with her husband and his family going forward for the sake of a little bit of care and consideration. Which so far has only been shown to her family.

OP enabled voting. Why if they are only responding to what they want to hear? The words may not be great sometimes but the advice offered comes from experience and a concern for all in this tale.

And the people stating that they’d be fine with waiting to see the baby when the DIL’s family are camped out there?

Of course you would…