AIBU to not let my husbands family meet my newborn baby despite letting my family meet the baby?

[hello1999]

This post is going to be short as I gave birth 2 days ago and I'm exhausted 😅. We got home from the hospital this morning, I had a few complications during birth so they kept me at the hospital overnight. But my daughter is healthy and she is perfect.

My family came to visit at the hospital yesterday. My parents, my older brother and my older sister all came to visit. I didn't mind them being there, we are a close family so I wasn't bothered by them visiting. My mum and dad are staying with me and my husband for another 2 weeks to help us. And my siblings visited my house today, they stayed for dinner, and it was nice to chat to them without worrying about the fact I feel awful right now. However, I have asked my husbands parents and his siblings to wait a week before visiting us. Mainly because I don't feel comfortable being around people who aren't my close family whilst I am still in pain and adjusting to motherhood. I need a week to atleast figure out my routine.

My husband has no issue with this but my mother in law and my sister in law have sent multiple texts telling me that I am being selfish. They said that the baby is their family too so they should be able to meet the baby at the same time as my family. Apparently my pain can't be "bad enough" to stop me from having visitors over. According to my mother in law, back in her day, people gave birth and just got on with life. No fuss.

AIBU?

Sorry this post is short and might be lacking context. I am so tired.

Imagine Grandparents hoping to meet their newborn Grandchild. Selfish Wankers.

Can you imagine a future when your little girl is a mother, being told you're not welcome to see her baby? Knowing that despite that child being the child of your child, multiple other people have met them and you're excluded?
Because just because some mums have boys it doesn't make them any less invested in them and the children they go on to have than mums of girls.
While I get the argument about privacy, I think the exclusion of paternal relatives is sad and sets a precedent you may not like if one day you have a son. I think a short visit that you can go out of the way for should be allowed.

Must you be always so dramatic and self-centred?

They are invited to come in a few days, leaving just a little time to the OP to come back and chill, hardly "shut out".

It's a very strange reaction to be that desperate and dramatic to wait a couple of days, and the make the whole birth about them?

It's bizarre.

These GP have hardly been just quietly 'hoping'! Why do they need to 'hope' when they have been invited to visit in 4 days? Sending nasty messages because they had to wait a few days to visit? Yes, selfish wakers, indeed.

The OP has got 5 people around her looking after her. More than many new mums get. She can give an hour to the Father's family and stop playing games. Because that is all this is.

It's not "dramatic and self-centred" to want to be treated the same as the other set of grandparents and to be able to meet your newborn grandchild.

What's bizarre is you repeatedly trying to justify it.

normal grand-parents are looking forward to meet their grandchild, and can wait a couple of days.

Completely unhinged people are sending abusive texts, telling the OP to get over herself and make it clear she doesn't matter and it should be all about THEM.

All the newborn needs is his mum and dad, and ideally a mum not stressed out by horrible in-laws.

But who care about the well being of a child and his mother, it's all about MIL who must be able to tell the neighbour she was first and she can put selfies on social media.

Depressing.

They've not been told they are not welcome. They've been invited to visit in 4 days.

The well being of a child being denied the privilege of being surrounded by loving family because mum wants to play games.

I think yabu, but I can see why you feel the way you do. But one of the most special moments I remember from my first born and bringing him home was when he met my mother in law for the first time the day after he was born. Her tears and the look of sheer love on her face was so special I’m so glad my son and DH had that special moment all together in those early days which is as important to my DH as it was for me.

to want to be treated the same as the other set of grandparents

that sound like a petulant child 😂

But I am glad you admit it has nothing to do with mother or baby, and it's just scoring points in a competition you are the only one playing.

At least you are honest. It doesn't make you right, but you admit it.

So if you knew your daughter in laws siblings have been round and had dinner and her parents seen baby numerous times it wouldn’t bother you that full week? I think you’re in the minority

I have to agree with this OP and I. The nicest possible way, every reply you have made seems all about you, your views and your needs. Your husband may have agreed but is probabaly harbouring some ill feeling about the way this has rolled out so far. What about what he might really want or need? What if that's just 30 mins of his Mum being able to see his newborn child?

My MIL drives me crazy on a regular basis and has caused some problems but I would still never deprive her of a visit when your whole family are there. Even though as you say they are there to look after you and not the baby.....

You say you want to understand other people’s perspective but you’re just disagreeing with every single post that doesn’t validate you.

Of course every woman who happens to have given birth to sons is an absolute monster and every one who has daughters is a saint. That’s the Mumsnet rule so you’ll get plenty of validation however unreasonable you’re being.

YABVU OP. And selfish. And precious.

I’m sorry to say this and I understand you’re recovering. However it would be so easy for you to accommodate their request but you seem determined not to. Also I think your husband is being v mean to his parents too.

This could permanently stain your relationship with your in-laws for no good reason, other than a bit of anxiety on your part mostly around keeping up appearances with them from what you have written. They won’t care about that.

I think you’re making a mistake and should think again.

OP and her husband have created and birthed a child. They’ve agreed upon the current circumstances. They are the parents. They alone get to make the decisions. It truly doesn’t matter who feels butt-hurt about those decisions, as long as Mum and Bub are safe and sound. Which they obviously seem to be (notwithstanding emotional blackmail from ILs). Crack on, OP. X

if you are not a loving family because you haven't met the baby for the first 3 days, you can't be that much of a loving anything.

because mum wants to play games.
you are the one playing games, the mum just wants to rest in peace.

It's people like you turning it into a weird game or competition. Why is that.

I imagine they won't see the MIL for dust after she's got her 'newborn snuggles' and pictures to show off to her friends. Wonder if she'll be sharing the lovely supportive messages she sent her DIL on FB along with the photos? The MIL had a chance to show herself to be supportive after her bad treatment of her DIL during pregnancy. She blew it.

I feel for the father as well. Be a different story if the OP was the one telling her family they can't see the baby to appease him ....

YABVU OP. And selfish. And precious.

Anyone calling someone "precious" for wanting privacy when recovering after giving birth (we are talking days, not weeks!)

is clearly not supportive and the exact reason why they are not welcome. The new mum need support, not visitors

Baby needs his mum, couldn't care less about visitors at this stage😂

The DC is by all accounts surrounded by loving family. ILs that treat the DC's mother like shit don't count as 'loving family' in my book and it seems that their DS agrees.

Your book isn't fit to wipe someone's arse with

Would you have felt the same if she'd treated you badly during pregnancy and sent you nasty messages post-birth I wonder?

So put up barriers to see a newborn child to score points and the complain they don't see them for dust. Cake and eat it much?

The hyperbole here is off the scale.