AIBU to not let my husbands family meet my newborn baby despite letting my family meet the baby?

[hello1999]

This post is going to be short as I gave birth 2 days ago and I'm exhausted 😅. We got home from the hospital this morning, I had a few complications during birth so they kept me at the hospital overnight. But my daughter is healthy and she is perfect.

My family came to visit at the hospital yesterday. My parents, my older brother and my older sister all came to visit. I didn't mind them being there, we are a close family so I wasn't bothered by them visiting. My mum and dad are staying with me and my husband for another 2 weeks to help us. And my siblings visited my house today, they stayed for dinner, and it was nice to chat to them without worrying about the fact I feel awful right now. However, I have asked my husbands parents and his siblings to wait a week before visiting us. Mainly because I don't feel comfortable being around people who aren't my close family whilst I am still in pain and adjusting to motherhood. I need a week to atleast figure out my routine.

My husband has no issue with this but my mother in law and my sister in law have sent multiple texts telling me that I am being selfish. They said that the baby is their family too so they should be able to meet the baby at the same time as my family. Apparently my pain can't be "bad enough" to stop me from having visitors over. According to my mother in law, back in her day, people gave birth and just got on with life. No fuss.

AIBU?

Sorry this post is short and might be lacking context. I am so tired.

Good on her. Weaponising a new born baby.

Are you the mil?

She will give a fuck about Grandparents when she's older. Family are important. So many people aren't fortunate enough to have Grandparents/in-laws who want to be actively involved in their life, either because they aren't interested or because they are dead. Life is too short for these games.

I think the first paragraph above hits the nail on the head op.

As long as you never come back moaning that your MIL favours your SILs kids crack on but just accept that if they are excluded it will affect relationships.

Nope. But I'm someone whose grandparents died and dearly felt the loss and I understand how important they are in a child's life and that life is too short for these nonsense games.

Back to an earlier Q @hello1999, have you shared photos with the baby's grandparents yet on both sides?

Have both sides of the family been told the baby's name, weight etc and is there anything favouring your side of the family again with the name?

You don't have to do anything, you can just sit in a comfortable chair and let your DH handle the visit. I do think it's unfair to say you are not fit enough for visitors when you have clearly had several visitors and are deliberately saying no to your DH's family. I assume they are not expecting you to cook them a meal or do anything more than say hello when they arrive and goodbye when they go, all from your comfy chair.

She has asked for one week. To interpret that as "excluding the entirety of your husband's family" is emotionally immature.

Basically just be fucking appreciative that your child has Family that want to love and cherish them because many many children don't for various reasons, and that's not something to play games with, because that's all this is, a bloody game.

They are going to meet their grandchild in 4 days!! Why should the new parents pander to their childish wants because otherwise they will turn nasty? What else will they then go on to demand regarding this child? Nipping it in the bud now is the best way. And who on earth thinks 'I can't wait to meet my new GC...I know I'll alienate the new parents...that will definitely ensure I get to be a big part of this child's life.'

How can they support them - I can think of lots of ways. Sending encouraging texts. Organise a grocery delivery, send a care package, send a lovely bouquet with a note saying 'we can't wait to meet our new GD when you are ready' so they know how supportive they are. They could ask if there is a particular meal they'd like or treats or supplies they need for baby (nappies, cotton wool, vests) they can bring round when they visit in 4 days.

But it's ok for her family to be there? And she can't give the Father's family one hour? Nonsense. It's all a game.

Or just let them see the baby for an hour and stop playing nonsense games.

No, it's just accurate.

Imagine your son having a baby and you can't even come round to support him and meet your grandchild - instead, he has to host his in-laws when his own mum can't even have a cuddle.

And you're the only person who lost grandparents early? I did too but as a mother of a son I'm confident that I will understand why any future daughter in law might want her own family in these early days and that I won't throw a massive, petulant, childish strop about it.

I very much doubt she will give a fuck about GP who treat her mum appallingly. They are clearly not very nice people considering the way they have treated OP. The only ones playing these childish games about 'rights' and what is 'fair' are the ILs and they will reap what they sow.

Did your grandparents treat your mum like shit?

Well you're in a minority there, love. A minority of 18% 😂

Imagine being so emotionally immature that you can't understand that in these early days it's the mother's wishes that count. Imagine being so emotionally immature that you throw a childish, petulant strop.

It does sound like a deliberate slight, the op is fit enough to have some of her family to stay and others over for dinner, which she enjoyed, but says she is too ill for her DH's family to drop in even for an hour, that is really rude and not believable. The op clearly doesn't like her DH's family.

I agree that it really isn't long to wait. The problem in this case is the OP has muddied that by not expecting her siblings to have to wait that long.

I can see it being fair enough to just have her mum, and don't think a week is a long time for that sort of newborn bubble, but once dad and siblings are all eating uber on the sofa, the nuclear bubble ship has kind of sailed.

(A nuclear bubble ship actually sounds like an interesting line of design for the navy.)

Where did I say I was the only person to ever lose Grandparents? You are being deliberately obtuse and Karma will bite you when your daughter in-law excludes you and prioritises her family and forever treats you as inferior, because it won't be just when the baby is newborn, that will be the start of things to come. You say they having petulant, childish strops, you wait until that boot is on the other foot. What goes around comes around.

OP has five adults supporting her. Do you think they aren't capable of popping out to buy nappies or whatever. I can't really imagine what five people are managing to find to do

No. Because my mum didn't use me as a weapon, thankfully.

I voted YABU as it is as much their family as yours. However they are wrong to send you those messages