I assumed my children were included in brother’s barbecue invitation

[Notmotherofflowergirls]

So you receive a text from your brother himself the father of a one year old, asking if you and your husband want to come to a barbecue on a Sunday afternoon.

Would you expect that your two children were included in the invitation?

From your responses, it sounds like you know exactly what your brother thinks and that he means things literally in emails, so why did you assume your children were invited?

Xiaoxiong

Yes I was explicitly invited along with DH.

igelkott2026

Well to be fair, his text was clear. You only mention the people who are invited not those who aren’t , only I couldn’t believe it.

In future I will never make assumptions.

It does seem as if this isn't unusual for him.

I also think that if Op's mum's partner isn't invited to something it's rude to ask if they can attend.

If the invitation doesn't suit as it stands it can always be declined.

I would expect the children to be included - but based on your later posts I would say that you are probably unreasonable to have expected the children to be included. Since he does not like telephone calls you could have texted, either to ask if the children were included or you could have informed him you would bring the children. Then he could have texted back to say 'no' if he didn't want them.

Why would he invite some children but deliberately leave your children off the invitation? He sounds capricious and annoying. Is it some sort of affectation or eccentricity?

He doesn't like being called 😂

sounds a bit like my brother , other peoples confusion or need to check is an excuse to belittle and be superior

my brother was horrible once when we were trying to meet on oxford st outside boots and he hadn’t turned up

i realised there were two boots and he told me to walk east , when i was a bit baffled and pondered how i should know which way east he was incredulous that i was so stupid and told me to look at the sun and hung up

in those days i was so polite and eager to keep the peace so i wandered up snd down asking people until i found jim standing waiting for me irritated despite the fact he had not specified which boots we were meeting

a normal person would just laugh it off and walk to meet you in the middle

your brother sounds like mine - an undiagnosed cunty knob head

But why does he exclude your children on a Sunday afternoon, which is generally considered family time, when it is quite a large gathering to which other children are invited?

'Why were my kids not invited but 3 babies were?'

Did you ask this question?

Sunday absolutely would expect it to be a family bbq. Friday or Saturday I would check. Sunday is a family day.

So they had other dc there but yours were not invited?? 😳

I am not sure we would bother to return. How rude!

Yes of course

Then he’s an arse. And I would be refusing all invitations. It’s not worth the drama.

What other type is there?

Invite him and his wife over. Don't mention the baby. Make sure it is short notice. When they turn up with the baby, remind him of this. And point out that weekend invitations should be assumed to include the entire family unless explicitly stated otherwise. Let him squirm about having to specifically exclude his nephews/nieces in future.

Your children (and you) are more than welcome! I love children being around at all events!

And the children will get sausages and burgers if they prefer that!

This. OPs follow-up responses changed my mind on this. I am baffled as to why she assumed the kids would be invited based on all she has said about her brother.

SO astronomically weird!! The default is kids are invited to family occasions in my family . If it’s an adult only invite (which it never has been as that’s just odd) the text would have to spell out “no kids” or “adults only”.

I’d be pissed off at my brother if he did that and would just leave straight away once I found out the kids weren’t welcome. Who on earth arranges a babysitter for a Sunday family BBQ, so strange.

This is what you said before:

Notmotherofflowergirls · Today 13:30
100% admit the text only mentioned my DH’s name.
We never imagined however, that an afternoon BBQ did not include our kids.
We arrived to find that they weren’t expected. Our cousin was there with their baby and a few friends, one of whom had a baby.
As for ringing to check, this is a major, major issue for my brother.

Now you say you were invited too - which is it?

If I got an invite just saying Joan and Joan’s husband I’d assume no children.

A hey do you guys want to come for a bbq I’d assume the children were invited.

If they have gone to the effort to name names and not mention the children at all they are not invited.

I don't think it is true that his message was clear in the context of an invitation to a Sunday afternoon BBQ. If he didn't want the children to come, he should have said so.

I'm entirely unsurprised that something as simple as a Sunday afternoon BBQ on Mumsnet are something else to become another "Elevenerife" issue.

Oh darling, we don't have burgers and sausages at our barbecue. Tarquell would never eat processed
meat. It reminds me of the thread where a dinner party guest bitched about getting food poisoning because the hostess didn't shop at Waitrose.

If you ask him if he wants to come for dinner would he show up with his wife and child?

Yes, any day time family meet up would usually include the whole family unless you were told otherwise.