AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

[randomcar1990]

My DD is turning 12 tomorrow, I also have a DS. Me and my DH have decided to let our daughter plan the entire day. She is having a birthday party with her friends next week, so on her actual birthday she wants to spend time with her cousins. So the whole family is coming over for the day. We are all going to the cinema and then we are going to dinner. My daughter loves seafood, and there is this one restaurant she wants to go to for her birthday. The restaurant is a bit more fancy than where we would usually go with the whole extended family, but it's her birthday and I'm willing to pay a bit more money for dinner because it's her birthday.

I did send my family a text and I told them about the restaurant. I also told them that I don't mind helping pay if some people think affording this restaurant would be difficult for them. Because I don't expect everybody to be able to afford the prices. Everybody was okay with the price and they were excited to go. Except for my brother, he told me that he looked at the kids menu and he said there was nothing in the menu that his kids would like. To be fair, the kids menu is more limited, there are options on the kids menu but because the restaurant is more fancy the kids menu is basically just smaller versions of the main dishes. The few non-seafood meals on the kids menu are also foods my brothers kids do not like. His kids are 11, 9 and 6.

So I did ask my daughter if there was any other restaurant she wants to go to. She said no.

I told my brother that I'm sorry but it's my daughters birthday and this is the one restaurant she wants to go to. I told him that his kids can eat something before we go to the restaurant but I also told him that surely there has to be something his kids like at the restaurant. I've looked at the menu and the kids menu still has things like fish and chips but his kids don't like fish. So I told him that his kids can have chips. But he is telling me it's not fair that his kids only have have the option of eating chips at this restaurant.

However, I am not changing the restaurant, my daughter wants to eat dinner at this place so that is where we are going to eat dinner

I would be expecting your brother to say to his children something like 'Everyone always goes to restaurants that suit you, because you're picky about food. This is one occasion where it's not about you, it's about your cousin and her birthday so you will suck it up, smile and have some chips. Then I'll get you McDonalds on the way home.'

And I say this as someone who had a very fussy eater, who grew up understanding that the world didn't revolve around him (and consequently is not a selfish adult)

@randomcar1990 "My brothers kids only eat chicken nuggets and chips are restaurant, plain pasta if they really have no other options. So we are very limited to like 3 restaurants when we go to dinner"

Congratulations on bringing up a child with a better palate! I know this sounds obvious, but presumably your daughter is aware that the fish restaurant is non-negotiable for her cousins? So it's basically the restaurant or time spent with them. Have you asked her to make the decision?

None of my family would go to a fish restaurant. Not for us. The invite would be politely declined, and I would wish you a nice evening. I assume your daughter value the food over the company of her cousins, which is fine

I didn't like seafood as a child and sometimes I had to go to restaurants where I didn't like much of the menu if it was a sibling/parent birthday.... That's life! They don't have to come if they don't want to is the side I'm on. They wouldn't be able to ask for a difference restaurant if it was a friend's birthday.

If all they usually eat is chips and nuggets it’s not going to be that much of an issue for them to just have chips and a desert one time is it. I don’t understand what the fuss is about.

I don’t think I’d want to go with them though if there is going to be moaning. Take her the night before her birthday with just the nuclear family and do something else with the cousins?

"Seafood is a niche preference"

Haha! No, it isn't! It's a regular source of protein almost across all world cuisines!

I can't get past inviting people to a celebration and expecting them to pay. If I'm paying I do expect some input on the restaurant IE somewhere I can eat the food.

Your brother has to suck it up - it’s his fault for raising kids that are so fussy.

Some of us are allergic to it.

these are valuable lessons you can teach her that will stand her in good stead for the future.

What, like her wishes and preferences should always be second to other people's?

What part are you not understanding OP? Your daughter can pick any restaurant she wants.
Your daughter (and you) cannot insist other people attend.

Your daughters happiness is not everyone else's priority.

Hi op there isn’t much you can do about the fussy eaters so just say to db shall I book for you or not as she doesn’t want to swap restaurants and it’s her birthday treat and she is very excited to go. Let me know either way.

If it's normal in OP's wider family that everyone pays then what's wrong with that? Saying that people should only get together if one person/family can pay for all is very limiting for those who can't afford it.

The only input you need is the right to RSVP yes or no.

Yes - but then that is an allergy, it doesn't make fish and chips a 'niche preference'

Mussels, raw sushi, crab claws etc - yes, more niche.

A restaurant specialising in fish (cod, salmon etc) and including non fish dishes on the menu - how is that niche?

This is ironic given your lack of understanding that OP is perfectly accepting of people not wanting to come.

Still odd to me. If you can't pay for everyone you maybe should think of cost. OP says it's expensive and can't justify going there normally. Maybe her brother can't justify an expensive restaurant for his niece when his own kids won't even eat the food.

Personally I’d do the restaurant as just your family another night and go to McDonald’s or something easier and cheaper for extended family.

I did mention in my post that I spoke to my family about the cost of the restaurant. I was willing to help pay for my family members meals.

Then he just needs to decline the invitation.

Ah but he’s a man, and he can do that, the daughter is a girl and so she’s the selfish one wanting to do as she pleases on her own birthday.

I hardly think it's her "one chance" 😂. She has obviously been to this restaurant before!
She has a simple choice, spend the whole day with all her cousins, or not.
It is her decision, so she needs to pick one or t'other

Yeah, she's really giving that impression 🤣

I agree, your brothers fussy eater kids should (and probably will) be happy going out to a restaurant with their wider family and having chips and desert, there is probably something like garlic bread that they like in the starters section of the menu too. Perhaps its your brother that is being the fussy one?

Wow how shit for your own kid.

She is though.

Previous poster: But you cannot make them come.
my kids were fussy abd honestly we just said no if there wasn’t anything they could eat. it’s an invite not summons

OP: Yeah of course. My brother knows this but he does want to come to the restaurant anyways for the sake of my daughters birthday