AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

[randomcar1990]

My DD is turning 12 tomorrow, I also have a DS. Me and my DH have decided to let our daughter plan the entire day. She is having a birthday party with her friends next week, so on her actual birthday she wants to spend time with her cousins. So the whole family is coming over for the day. We are all going to the cinema and then we are going to dinner. My daughter loves seafood, and there is this one restaurant she wants to go to for her birthday. The restaurant is a bit more fancy than where we would usually go with the whole extended family, but it's her birthday and I'm willing to pay a bit more money for dinner because it's her birthday.

I did send my family a text and I told them about the restaurant. I also told them that I don't mind helping pay if some people think affording this restaurant would be difficult for them. Because I don't expect everybody to be able to afford the prices. Everybody was okay with the price and they were excited to go. Except for my brother, he told me that he looked at the kids menu and he said there was nothing in the menu that his kids would like. To be fair, the kids menu is more limited, there are options on the kids menu but because the restaurant is more fancy the kids menu is basically just smaller versions of the main dishes. The few non-seafood meals on the kids menu are also foods my brothers kids do not like. His kids are 11, 9 and 6.

So I did ask my daughter if there was any other restaurant she wants to go to. She said no.

I told my brother that I'm sorry but it's my daughters birthday and this is the one restaurant she wants to go to. I told him that his kids can eat something before we go to the restaurant but I also told him that surely there has to be something his kids like at the restaurant. I've looked at the menu and the kids menu still has things like fish and chips but his kids don't like fish. So I told him that his kids can have chips. But he is telling me it's not fair that his kids only have have the option of eating chips at this restaurant.

However, I am not changing the restaurant, my daughter wants to eat dinner at this place so that is where we are going to eat dinner

But he expects the extended family to consistently bow to the wishes of his children and go to one of only three restaurants whenever there is a family celebration.

These are the restaurants with the ‘right’ chicken nuggets and chips. Just how much do you think the rest of the family enjoy catering to this demand? It appears that this is the first time anyone has challenged it.

As I said, it depends if the restaurant or seeing the family are more important. Everyone has a choice to make.

As I said, it depends if the restaurant or seeing the family are more important. Everyone has a choice to make.

And the brother is choosing not to attend a family meal as arranged (a place that serves one of the three meals the children will eat, but apparently still isn't good enough), and insisting the family all go somewhere with the right nuggets or they won't see them.

So it sounds like the restaurant is more important to him.

Exactly! The brother could have chosen to speak to the restaurant,try and sort something, or ask to bring some food in. But he chose to try and guilt trip his 12 year old niece on her birthday, about his children's choices - not great behaviour from any adult to a child, but from an uncle its awful. If one had been in a wheelchair and niece had chosen a restaurant without access, then I think he would have been in the right to ask her to consider somewhere else.

It's important for children to learn to be flexible, and think of others. It sounds like the niece has to do this all the time and make allowances for her cousins, 1 of whom is 11! And just once she wanted them to put her first, just once, on her birthday.

I think that if a 12 year old wants to have sushi/go to Rockfish or whatever it is she's chosen for her birthday, she gets to have her birthday meal where she wants and not be forced to go to McDonalds or the local pub because somebody else says his kids would prefer nuggets and chips.

The nieces and nephews having some chips for just one meal isn’t a big issue, surely?! It’s exactly what DH and I had on Thursday, from the chippy, because we couldn’t be bothered to cook. Still alive.

@randomcar1990 Will you tell us how it turned out?

@randomcar1990 What happened in the end? I hope your daughter had a lovely birthday.