AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

[randomcar1990]

My DD is turning 12 tomorrow, I also have a DS. Me and my DH have decided to let our daughter plan the entire day. She is having a birthday party with her friends next week, so on her actual birthday she wants to spend time with her cousins. So the whole family is coming over for the day. We are all going to the cinema and then we are going to dinner. My daughter loves seafood, and there is this one restaurant she wants to go to for her birthday. The restaurant is a bit more fancy than where we would usually go with the whole extended family, but it's her birthday and I'm willing to pay a bit more money for dinner because it's her birthday.

I did send my family a text and I told them about the restaurant. I also told them that I don't mind helping pay if some people think affording this restaurant would be difficult for them. Because I don't expect everybody to be able to afford the prices. Everybody was okay with the price and they were excited to go. Except for my brother, he told me that he looked at the kids menu and he said there was nothing in the menu that his kids would like. To be fair, the kids menu is more limited, there are options on the kids menu but because the restaurant is more fancy the kids menu is basically just smaller versions of the main dishes. The few non-seafood meals on the kids menu are also foods my brothers kids do not like. His kids are 11, 9 and 6.

So I did ask my daughter if there was any other restaurant she wants to go to. She said no.

I told my brother that I'm sorry but it's my daughters birthday and this is the one restaurant she wants to go to. I told him that his kids can eat something before we go to the restaurant but I also told him that surely there has to be something his kids like at the restaurant. I've looked at the menu and the kids menu still has things like fish and chips but his kids don't like fish. So I told him that his kids can have chips. But he is telling me it's not fair that his kids only have have the option of eating chips at this restaurant.

However, I am not changing the restaurant, my daughter wants to eat dinner at this place so that is where we are going to eat dinner

Understood. But if the brother refuses to go to that particular restaurant, this is the way forward, right? That's what OP should do, rather than tell dd they're not going to that restaurant?

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What are the other dishes on the kids menu out of interest? I think it's best he just doesn't come. I wouldn't want to go somewhere just to eat v expensive chips.

Then what is it?

I cannot believe the number of people saying a 12year old should not get to go to the restaurant of her choice, on her Birthday, because someone else doesn’t like the food choice. Birthdays are the one day of the year when we should all be allowed to be selfish and do what we want to do. The cousins are welcome to join or to decline the invitation but they need to learn that the world won’t bend to their whims and that sometimes, other people are more important.
Be kind should never mean be a doormat.

A get together? or a meet up where people pay for what they've eaten/drank

It's still an invitation. An invitation to get together. An invitation to meet up. An invitation to go out for their cousin's birthday.

He isn't inviting everyone Tina restaurant or his choosing with no discussion on the grounds of it being his child's birthday.

If OP needs to get more assertive in the "going out as a family conversations" that's a different issue to the absolute classnessness of "inviting" people to spend their money in a way directed by you because it's your "special day"

So if it's not an invitation can we all go?
Of course it's an invitation

You really think they never went for a meal at those particular restaurants for his kids’ birthday? Pull the other one…

Honestly can’t believe the number of wet lettuces who would make their DD change their birthday plans to accommodate children who are really very extreme fussy eaters. Being a tpeople pleaser isn’t a good thing in life.

Can’t they just have a picnic in the Secret Garden?

For the non fish eaters (unless vegan/veggie) is there a reason you don’t eat any fish? There are so many varieties, flavours, textures, cooking styles how can you not like any of them. Smoked salmon, salmon mousse, fish pie, fish stew, mussels, scampi, tuna steak, tuna pasta bake, haddock (chippy style), monkfish, trout, squid, prawns, crab, whitebait, sole to name but a few, all different.

Poached/grilled/fried fish is fine, as is hot smoked fish. Cold smoked salmon/trout is disgustingly slimy. Most seafood has a texture that makes me gag. So my seafood preferences are texture based.

This is coming across as being very showy on your part.
A expensive seafood restaurant that you are happy to pay for those who can't afford it.
Your daughter is 12.
I hope she enjoys her birthday and time with her cousins.
And I don't think your brother is being unreasonable.
Alot of people including children don't like seafood

You are not unreasonable to stick to the restaurant dd wants . Brother is not unreasonable to say they won't attend because of a lack of food options for his dc. I wouldn't go to a restaurant where the only thing I could/ would eat is chips.

Then they can eat some of the non seafood options on the menu. Except these children won’t. So their choice is either they don’t come, come and don’t eat, or eat what they can. None of which is the OPs problem to solve. Or her DDs.

They ONLY go to 3 eating places, none of which DD would prefer. She is always at their preferred place. Time for DD to have Her Place on Her Birthday. Why should she bow to spoilt brats?

You've misunderstood or are not bothering to read OP's posts.
Brother's kids are refusing chips and will only go somewhere with nuggets or plain pasta.

It's not "showy" to want something other than that and I don't understand why you think it's in any way impressive to like fish or enjoy food that has a higher price.

Most wouldn't actually.
They just want to disagree with the OP.
If the OP was written from brother's POV they'd say that was wrong too.

Have you actually called the restaurant? If a large party wants to go there, they may well be willing to buy a packet of nuggets to cook for your nieces and nephews if you pay for it.

Lay out a party tea for the family on her birthday. Fish restaurant next day with you and her dad. Drop off a cake or ask them to do a surprise birthday dessert. At 12 she needs to understand compromise .

11, 9 & 6 y/o can suck it up and eat chips and dessert, it doesn’t sound like they’ve got a particularly developed palate anyway. It’s one day and sometimes in life you do something that isn’t your no. 1 choice so that someone else can have a nice time.

All of the family, bar the brother and his children, want to go to the fish restaurant. That there are times when you don’t have to compromise is also a valuable lesson to learn.

Up to now, the whole family have compromised for the brother’s family. Perhaps it’s time they became familiar with the art.