AIBU to not compromise on my daughters birthday dinner for the sake of my niece and nephews

[randomcar1990]

My DD is turning 12 tomorrow, I also have a DS. Me and my DH have decided to let our daughter plan the entire day. She is having a birthday party with her friends next week, so on her actual birthday she wants to spend time with her cousins. So the whole family is coming over for the day. We are all going to the cinema and then we are going to dinner. My daughter loves seafood, and there is this one restaurant she wants to go to for her birthday. The restaurant is a bit more fancy than where we would usually go with the whole extended family, but it's her birthday and I'm willing to pay a bit more money for dinner because it's her birthday.

I did send my family a text and I told them about the restaurant. I also told them that I don't mind helping pay if some people think affording this restaurant would be difficult for them. Because I don't expect everybody to be able to afford the prices. Everybody was okay with the price and they were excited to go. Except for my brother, he told me that he looked at the kids menu and he said there was nothing in the menu that his kids would like. To be fair, the kids menu is more limited, there are options on the kids menu but because the restaurant is more fancy the kids menu is basically just smaller versions of the main dishes. The few non-seafood meals on the kids menu are also foods my brothers kids do not like. His kids are 11, 9 and 6.

So I did ask my daughter if there was any other restaurant she wants to go to. She said no.

I told my brother that I'm sorry but it's my daughters birthday and this is the one restaurant she wants to go to. I told him that his kids can eat something before we go to the restaurant but I also told him that surely there has to be something his kids like at the restaurant. I've looked at the menu and the kids menu still has things like fish and chips but his kids don't like fish. So I told him that his kids can have chips. But he is telling me it's not fair that his kids only have have the option of eating chips at this restaurant.

However, I am not changing the restaurant, my daughter wants to eat dinner at this place so that is where we are going to eat dinner

maybe its really about money and he is too proud to admit that so is making a silly fuss about menus as deflection?

She could have both if her uncle was being reasonable. That’s why she can’t have both. Her choices aren’t the issue, a grown ass man throwing a tantrum is.

Yes, we love sea food as a family. Except DD. Recently went to a lovely seafood restaurant and they had a sea food pasta, and happily just did the pasta, totally plain, no sauce for her. Cost us a ridiculous amount of money, but she was happy!

She can justify subbing everyone else because it's her DD's birthday and she wants to go this specific restaurant with a larger family group.
It's not that hard to understand.

Take your child to the fish restaurant. It her birthday and that is her treat. You compromise enough during the year for your brothers kids. They are the ones who are entitled. Your brother dies not get to dictate

Ignore the virtue signallers who tell you you should tell your daughter to compromise for the sake of her cousins. It's her special day and she should not need to compromise just because they are fussy kids. That's for your brother to sort out.

I hope your daughter enjoys her birthday at the restaurant of her choice.

I am LOL at the 'she is a Princess' posts.

It's her birthday but the brother is being Princessy or Princey and expecting all the other adults and children to go to one of the 3 restaurants that his kids will eat in but which none of the other families like!

For once, the OP's Dd is asking to go elsewhere other than the Nugget Palace that everyone has to suck up for the sake of the fussy kids on every other occasion.

So why not have a small family dinner at the fish restaurant and choose somewhere cheaper that all the cousins can enjoy for the bigger meal which won’t require you to subsidise anyone else? Everybody wins.

I agree with PP - at 12 she is old enough to know that you consider guests needs as well as your own. If she wants to enjoy a meal with her cousins then how will she feel when they sit there eating nothing because there is nothing on the menu for them?

For a sizeable group fish restaurants or steak houses or other specialist outlets are often a problem for someone in the group. Have you called the restaurant to see if they can do something special, maybe a non fish pasta dish for the cousins?

Only on MN have I ever heard of anyone, adult or child, refusing to go to a specific restaurant because they didn't like the menu 😂

It's not lack of resilience at that level, it's just pathetic lack of manners.

Even better when the birthday girl is a CHILD herself.

I would explain to your daughter that unfortunately the cousins don’t like seafood, so if you want to go to this restaurant, they won’t be able to come. If she wants to spend the day with her cousins then she needs to pick a different restaurant that everyone likes or she needs to accept that they won’t be coming to the meal. Would they still go to the cinema part?

I dunno why you don’t suggest to your daughter that you go as an immediate family to this particular restaurant on another occasion and that she tries to accommodate others in order to see them for her bday.

its 100% a life lesson for your daughter.

I don’t think your brother is being out of line. His kids simply don’t like the food and it is unreasonable to expect them just to eat chips and a dessert, especially at a fancy restaurant.

YABU…

I’m assuming for most of her life she has had to compromise when eating with this set of cousins, maybe for once as it is her birthday she can have the restaurant she wants (and the majority of the rest of the extended family want too)

Your brother is making it all about his DC, that is not right. They will go to lots of places that do not serve the food they "like". Tuff. They have choices: Have good manners and choose something small from the menu or don't come and look like the spoilt children they are.

Your DC comes first and last on her day, everyone else chooses the least unfavourable meal if they are not keen on the menu.

Your family is polite. Ofcourse they won't say "yes, pay for me". I think it's cheeky to choose a restaurant not everyone likes without inviting them.

If she wants to enjoy a meal with her cousins then how will she feel when they sit there eating nothing because there is nothing on the menu for them?
She wants to enjoy their company first and foremost.
If they eat first, then have pudding/drinks/nibbles at the fish restaurant, she will feel that they have eaten something they liked, and she will feel happy that she's getting to spend time with them.

Why do 3 picky eaters always get their way, don’t they have to learn to compromise, accept that other people like eating different things, and that when it is someone’s birthday they can choose the restaurant. Don’t they have to learn lessons too?

The 3 fussy kids are the only ones that don’t like it. Everyone else in the extended family is up for it.

It’s not like there are no non-fish courses on the menu. I have been known to have a couple of starters for main if I fancy them more than the main meals. I bet they could just eat puddings if necessary.

Surely most kids would be delighted to have chips for dinner and a pudding! I don't know why he just doesn't give them something before they come join you, or decline the invite.
The children may also surprise their parents by trying new food.

I think your Brother, his wife and children are exceptionally rude to think everything on someone else's birthday is about them and their food requirements.

That’s how end up with entitled, pain in the arse adults that always expect the group to cater to them, otherwise it’s unfair and leaving them out.

“Just” because it’s an expensive restaurant. How about her and her cousins make donations to the food bank and then have a fun treat?

And another life lesson is that it's not always about them.

I've been veggie since I was 10 years old. I've been to a few steak houses in my time when I'll have a starter, skip the main meal and have a pudding - because the company I was with was why I wanted to be there.

It's ok to compromise. They can eat at home first and have some nibbles.

You first.

Well we don’t know but I’m just thinking of trying to enjoy a meal watching three of my guests not eating. I wouldn’t enjoy it and nor would my DC have done, even at this age.

I wouldn’t be comfortable either inviting people to an expensive restaurant knowing they would have to watch their children make do with expensive breadsticks or similar (and the OP hasn’t said she is covering all the costs).

So they could go to the fish restaurant for a smaller family meal and have the big family meal at somewhere where everyone can find something. For a larger group, a less specialist restaurant makes more sense if you want your guests to eat.

We don’t know why the children don’t eat fish, but even if, as is implied by the OP, its bad parenting, that is not the children’s fault.

Sorry but being veggie is quite different to seafood when quite a lot of people don’t like seafood. Also this is children. Bit different if it were adults. Think it’s miserable expecting children to eat a bowl of chips while everyone else tucks into a full on meal. It’s selfish. I wouldn’t expect that from my friends or family members children.

They can still go to the fish restaurant but as an immediate family…

Surely you just tell them it's a shame but your daughter has her heart set on that restaurant, of course you won't be offended in the slightest if they'd rather not come?