I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

I understand that but generally once you get to a certain age, everything gets spent on the kids. Just spend it on them for ice creams etc and dont give them the cash (even if you have it in your purse). Just use it. Non problem.caised by wallies

If it were me I think I would have had a conversation beforehand with my sister about how we were going to share it between our children. They're just kids after all and I wouldn't want to cause upset on holiday, which it obviously has.
And as someone else sai, youve given a 4 Yr old £50?

I completely agree with you that where the money came from is irrelevant...that was my thinking too so pleased someone else has said it.

I'm not sure about the life's not fair thing though. I mean I don't consult my sister before deciding on my son's pocket money...or think twice about splashing out on the latest football kit for him just because I can afford to/she has two kids and I only have one. But I would draw the line at sitting there on a family holiday and watching my child get twice as much ice cream as hers. I just think this is very different.

Yes I realise the money came from the grandmother but the daughters have used it for DC pocket money. I have assumed the children know where their pocket money came from so that they can thank her but its a fair point - maybe the OP didn’t tell them where the money came from and let them think it was from her.

Either way, approaches to money, bedtimes etc needs sorting out before you go on holiday with another family, its guaranteed to cause problems if you don’t.

I find the notion that a holiday where the cousins should enjoy time together without adult concerns must be yet another lesson in learning your place fairly revolting.

I agree; I would have given mine £20 each to make it fair, but then they could have thr otyer £30 when they got home.

I think there’s a massive difference between having different amounts of wealth/ pocket money in day to day life, and when you’re on holiday as one big family having a shared experience.

Our cousins were significantly wealthier than us, and obviously we knew that from the different houses we lived in/ the different education/ hobbies our cousins had etc, but there’s no way my parents or my lovely auntie and uncle would’ve made that difference obvious on holiday - we were always bought ice-creams etc in rounds, and my cousins would never have been given more spends on the same holiday as us.

I guess all family dynamics are different, but it does seem odd to me you and your sister didn’t discuss how to pay for treats/ pocket money fairly before you went away.

Yep 👏

Sorry, but wtf does this mean?

i find the notion that a holiday where the cousins should enjoy time together without adult concerns must be yet another lesson in learning your place fairly revolting.

OP you shouldn't have told.your kids the money came from.thwir grandmother as this inevitably was going to create jealousy with the cousins. Your poor.mum, she tried to.do something kind and you kind of.all.cheapened it by giving it straight to the kids.

If you wanted your kisa.ro.have 50.pounds spending money, you should have given them.50.pounds (although at 4 I'd.find this a little.OTT). But not said your grandma gave money so you each get 50 pounds. There's no.way you didn't see this coming...

Yes, it's about give and take. When we have a playdate, we fit in with the rules of the other family while we're with them. So if we're in the park, I'll agree quietly with the other parent whether the kids are having ice cream or not. Either all get an ice cream or none do. Same with treats and screen time. Some families are more limited than we are in what they allow, so we'll either do as they do (and my kids can have more later when we're on our own) or the parents will relax a bit and we'll reach a compromise. When you're together as a unit, it makes sense to have broadly the same approach for all the children.

For example, if we were on a day out with another family, I'd never buy my child something from the gift shop unless their child was getting something as well. And tbh I'd be surprised not to be asked in advance/given the head's up if they were planning to buy their child something, but then we have considerate friends who understand how small children feel.

give your sister 50 and she can give them a 10er each, then that's about fair. not worth spoiling a holiday over a trivial amount of money that's been gifted to you anyways.

I had a similar situation with my brother. He has four kids, I have two. Mum gave each family the same amount of spends for our family day out, we clubbed it together and shared it equally between the children for them to use on the arcades/fairground. I don't think you've necessarily done anything wrong, it's not your fault your sibling has more kids, it just would have made life a lot easier and we try to do things as fairly as possible when we are on a day trip or holiday together to avoid arguments or resentment.

I think the fact that the sister has FIVE children though means, IMO its all fair enough. Surely she racks it up during birthdays/Christmases etc for her huge family while she only has to buy a few presents back so swings and roundabouts

My 8 year old is only just beginning to understand the value of money

i wouldn’t give £50 to a pre schooler. That’s just irresponsible

unless they have a bank account you can deposit in

Yes, I was often the one with more money and I did likewise. In the early days eldest DB was often the one with more money and he did likewise.

I’m fascinated at posters who are so keen for the five siblings to be punished for being five, to spend their holiday learning not to be entitled, to know their (poorer) place.
I may have missed it but I’m not seeing those posters point out that its equally vulgar and entitled to flash the cash in front of others you know cannot afford it.

MN where people know the absolute price of everything and the value of nothing - especially when its family relationships.

So then she doesn't have the right to moan.

I went to school with very rich kids. They were going on safari and skiing and snorkling in the Maldives in the 70's when I was going to Mudeford on a day trip. That was just how things were. Kids have to learn that life is about swings and roundabouts.

@Abyzou

how much do you think an ice cream and ride costs?!

£50 is ridiculous for a 4 year old

I don’t think this is worth falling out over on holiday. Just tell your kids that you didn’t realise how expensive ice creams were so they can have £20 each to buy tat from from the gift shop or arcade and you’ll buy the ice creams for them. They’ll probably get a better deal that way anyway.

I think having fun with their cousins is worth more at this age, and that’s what you should be promoting.

Just how much ice cream are your kids eating, OP?! @dramaticlifestyle

i mean I know it’s a holiday, but it sounds a LOT

What’s wrong with giving a 4 year old spending money??
I always give my grandchildren spending money if I know they’re going somewhere, obviously not the youngest as that one is only a few weeks old but the others I do they’re 14 months, 2 years 3 years, 7, 8 & 10 years old!

The one at fault is your Mum. Why on earth not divide 200 between 7 or give them a flat 25 each. Id be really pissed off if I were your sister. As for using opportunity to teach them a life lesson about sharing as one person has posted - what a load of rubbish.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving young kids spending money! When my son was 3 I gave him £50 spending money on our holiday and have done on every holiday/festival since. They like being able to pay for treats and toys themselves!

No one expects them to be “punished”, don’t be daft. They have £20 each which is what a lot of posters have said OP should have given her kids. How would their mum have funded her own kids spending money without her mum’s generosity?

Just being nosey but I’d be curious to know who paid for the holiday…

An opportunity for your sister to explain to DC the realities of their family dynamics.

"More of you means less to go round, but more of us to love.

And you do outnumber your cousins... just sayin'..."

I don’t think the money is all going on ice creams! I think OP was using it as an example of what her children might get with part of their pocket money. They may also decided to get a t.shirt or a gift for their granny etc. although one ice cream or lollipop or a can of pop a day if somewhere hot doesn’t seem excessive and most ice creams are around the £3.50-£4.00 mark, and a can of pop round us is £2.50 from the local beach shop tourist cafe. £50/14 =£3.57 a day. It’s not a lot when you break it down.