I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

But sure, you can keep raising children where they have to fight for attention, expected to babysit the younger children their parents decide to have because they ‘just wanted a big family to share love with’. That doesn’t make for a fun childhood either. It makes someone a selfish parent for wanting more, more, more.

Sure, go for your massive family, but don’t complain when your kids get the titty lip on because their cousins, with the responsible parents, have more money than them. After all, surely they’ll be having a better time than the cash heavy ones are? Oh, no, that’s right they’re moaning about it.

You do sound very uncaring to be honest. I presume you love your nieces and nephews, although it doesn’t sound like it- a bit of empathy wouldn’t go amiss.
I’d make sure they all had the same so all the kids are happy in that regard and then crack on with the holiday.

I think the fact it's your Mum's money is a bit of a red herring. The issue is that you BOTH decided it was appropriate for your kids to have budgetary autonomy over things like ice creams.

If I was away with another family and one of the kids wanted an ice cream in front of all the others there'd be a general 'shall we all get some ice creams' conversation.

It's easy to say with the benefit of hindsight but if this was me I would have given a nod to the kids that grandma had given us some money to spend on things like ice creams but I wouldn't actually allocate it specifically...it would just come out of the general pot, in line with my para above. If I wanted to allocate them some money for the amusements that they had a bit of control over, the budget would be set based on a general fairness so as not to have a scenario where I was clearly spending a fortune more than the family I was with. Or I'd give them a small amount for a souvenir at the end of the holiday and mention it to my sister. If she wasn't doing the same I'd be discrete about it.

Lots of people assuming the OP's kids will be buying "tat," but we don't know that. She never said that she won't be guiding the purchases. My kids have always had some semblance of control over their own spending money on holiday, with guidance from me starting off heavy and then tailing off as they get older. My almost 9yo now pretty much needs no help. Last year my 6yo, then 5, bought a dress that she still wears all the time, a photo frame with shells on that is still in her room, a couple of hair braids that she loved, some pool toys that she played with all holiday and then we left for the next visitors, and some daft sweets that I think are a waste of money but that made her happy!

But they didn’t decide together to share the money out with the kids. Op instead of keeping the money for herself gave it to her children, the sister then decided to do the same. Why should Op then turn around to her kids and say actually I’ll take it back and share it out between everyone?

Each child should have been given the same amount being on holiday together. Nursery kids with £50? Ridiculous.

I wouldn't holiday with you again tbh.

Can we start teaching our kids that for what ever reason life is different for everyone and that’s ok… kids need to be taught life isn’t fair. Sometimes you will have more than others and other times you may have more than them. It’s not fair on you to ask for your kids to have money taken from them. Your sister needs to teach her kids in life sometimes you’re up and sometimes you’re down. Yes your children have £50 each however they may buy 1 item for this. Where as your sisters children may by lots of things that equal the same amount. Kids need to understand these things. Life’s not fair.

There seems to have been a mass failure of reading comprehension throughout the thread. OP’s mum didn’t give the money directly to the kids, and OP says herself she didn’t intend for it to be extra spending money for them. She split what she could afford between the two families, £100 each. It was the decision of OP and her sister to split it between their kids. So those criticising GM and saying the children will somehow think she doesn’t love them all equally are basically talking bollocks. This is a decision OP and her sister made without thinking through the fact that two kids in one family would end up with more per kid than the family with five. That’s on them. They are the adults in the room - a simple explanation and then shut the conversation down. End of.

If I was going on holiday with my sister and her children and our Mom had given an amount of spending money then 1) of course I would be very grateful and 2) I would expect that we would share out the money fairly between all of the children on treats, arcade, etc as it is supposed to be a shared family holiday. ( and yes, my sister has a bigger family!)

They’re kids, on the same holiday. The nice thing to do would be to let them all have the same amount.

People on here are insane, telling you to take away the money so it’s all equal, how far are you meant to take this, make them go home because some kids don’t get a holiday and it’s then all equal? People need to get a grip, some people have more, some people have less that’s life

And that’s on the parents - it was their decision. Badly thought through.

2 sisters were given £100 each by their mum, they are free to do what they want with it, they gave it to their kids. If the OP and her sister kept the £100 for themselves but then bought treats for their own kids would this even be an issue? The sister is being unreasonable.

Wouldn’t it just have been much simpler for both yourself and your sister to have kept the money and used it to buy the snacks, without your children having ownership of the money ? On this I can see where your sister is coming from.

Totally up to the parents how they give their pocket money.
I’m just a bit puzzled as a 4 year’s understanding of £50 to spend on what they want?

I'm surprised at you sister's reaction. She didn't have to give the money to her children it was given to each family. So the unequal division isn't your fault!. She should make up the difference! Don't understand why she wants your children to be treated like her children were.. There's nowt as queer as folk! Worse if the folk are related!

I think I’d just tip up the other children with some money if you can afford it, to avoid spoiling the holiday

But how would this have made any difference as OP’s £100 would have gone further providing for 2 kids not 5

you sound like a thoroughly horrible person. You've managed to upset everyone and you ask if you are being reasonable. If they never want to holiday with you again don't even think about being upset.

you are confused, it's not the entitled sister you are talking to, but the OP who has done nothing wrong 😂

And again, where is the grandparents favouritism in this case ? GM didn’t give the money to the kids. She gave £100 to each family, who then decided what they would do with it. Nothing whatsoever to do with favouritism of any kind, and everything to do with kids not being taught that life isn’t always equal and you just have to accept it. The alternative is the blind entitlement we see all the time.

????

Her mother did absolutely the right thing to share it equally. Why should the one with 5 kids get more just because she chose to propagate more of them - she sounds like she needs to grow up and learn how to be a better parent!

The children wouldn’t be arguing among themselves as they wouldn’t have had access to the money individually. GM split what she had equally between the two families. Both OP and her sister gave little to no thought as to how they used it. That’s not GM’s fault.

No the children need to understand that life isn’t fair. People won’t always accommodate them just because they have less. It’s up to the sister to manager her children’s expectations