I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

The parents could use their own money when the £100 is spent and it would have eliminated the disparity in money between then young children while holidaying together.

If I was out with my children and friends with children, I wouldn’t allow them to be buying stuff, knowing other children in the group couldn’t do the same. And I always explained to them not to be telling others the amount of money they may have and not to make anyone ever feel small that they may have had more money than others.

Obviously you’ve done nothing technically wrong, and nor have your parents, but clearly this was going to cause unnecessary rivalry and I wonder why you seem to be encouraging this environment when it’s easy enough not to give a 4 year old £50 in one go. Just use it as an opportunity to encourage her to save some, and have freedom over a smaller amount. You can easily make that choice, which makes me wonder if this is just a parallel playing out of your own sibling rivalry at some time in your lives.

Well surely a family holiday with young children isn't a time for learning about how unfair life is.

Think I would have given the kids an equal amount each if I was the grandmother.
I remember a relative giving less to my third child every Xmas and birthday because they only had two.
Not because she couldn’t afford it, we thought it was so mean my child questioned it when he was old enough to realise.

Thats a terrible idea to give your kids £50 each witbout discussing it with your sister first. I am in same situation with my sis and because we have different incomes we always agree first give kids same amounts on holiday/any celebrations and christmas- if spent together. Kids dont have to learn on their holiday what money means, thats cruel!
How would your kids feel if your sisters kids had more to spend. Ofcourse it woukd upset them and ofcourse its a lesson. But why would you do that to them at this young age when they cant grasp it?

You seem to have a very strange idea of what makes a good holiday with children . Or thinking that this even has anything to do with how your child turned out as an adult is a bit ridiculous. She would probably be a well adjusted degree educated homeowner regardless of whether or not she was allowed buy crappy tat on holidays . It’s not that important either way .

Tip toeing away since I had 7. My parents always gave the same amount to each of my kids. My childless sibling got exactly the same total. The money was given to the 2 daughters not the kids

What a ridiculous situation, your mother should have divided the money by 7 if it was for 7 children. This just shows what family fun you will have when the inheritance comes round.

What a ridiculous situation, your mother should have divided the money by 7 if it was for 7 children. This just shows what family fun you will have when the inheritance comes round.

Surely she should explain to her kids that it was all split fairly between no. Of kids?
Your sister is ridiculous.

Ridiculous to inflict these complications on kids on holiday. You adults need to buck up. Stupid.

No it's not, wake up Muppet.

It was split fairly between the mother’s 2 children and was for them to do as they please. The 2 mothers then gave it to their children.

I think everything was shared correctly and the sister needs to explain to her kids how they have £20 but it is still fairly split.

Well you can’t take the money away from your children now, but why on earth didn’t you and your sister just discuss this beforehand and agree hat you were going to do? You could suggest to your kids now that as their cousins only have £20 each to spend, perhaps they might like to put £30 of theirs back to spend at home, or at the very least just not talk about it to their cousins.

I green go out with my 2 kids and my friend and her son, we are well off as a family but she is a single mum on a low income - we always agree a spending budget (if the kids are being given any spending money) so that her son doesn’t feel like ‘the poor cousin’.

The money wasn’t for the children. The money was for the two daughters and their respective families. Two daughters = half the money each. The daughters (OP and her sister) then chose to give it to their children, but that isn’t what it was given for.

OP has explained this more than once.

I put YABU, only because your mum is being unreasonable. Why on earth did she not split the money fairly between the grandkids. That’s terrible.

Not your fault you have less kids and therefore they get more. I only have one child and therefore she sometimes gets more than her other friends because they have to share. In this situation however, I would have a quiet chat with your 8 year old and see if you can arrange for the extra money to be spent at home. The 4 year old won’t even notice.

I get where you are coming from on this and think your sister is being unreasonable, but, if I’m going away with other children I try and talk to the other parent and make sure they have the same amount of money because it’ll always lead to moaning when one has more than the other

But then the post would be 'Mum gave my sister's kids £100 and mine only £40'

Is your sister 12 years old?

Would everyone be saying the same if op decided to give her children that money if it wasn’t from her Dm? What if Op had given her children spending money and her sister didn’t? Should she then have to take it away cause the other kids didn’t get spending money?
Op your sister is being rediculous. Your mother did a nice thing. It’s not your fault she has 5 kids to your two!

well I would assume any inheritance would be split equally among the siblings. So if OP just has a sister they both get 50/50.

that would be fair. Then it’s up to OP and her sister if they pass on the money to their own children. So if inheritance is £200k both sisters get £100k. If the sisters decide to pass that on to their kids then OPs kids will get 50k each (less tax) and her sister’s kids will get 20k (less tax). Obviously OPs kids would pay more tax as they have a greater taxable amount.
although it seems a bit mercenary to be talking about inheritance when OPs parents are alive and kicking!

I think that’s really unfair. If I were in that position, I’d talk to my sister and agree an amount each child. £20 would be enough.

Youve made it very hard for her and her kids for no reason at all.

Exactly this. I know it wasn’t the intention, but I can see now how as one of your nieces or nephews it’s as if their grandparents have given them £20 and their cousins £50. So if this was just money you had given to your children separately it would be fine and the other children would just have to learn that different people can afford different things. But as this has inadvertently ended up being money given by grandparents it does seem hugely unfair and I can absolutely see how they are upset. I think you should keep that other £60 for another time or use it to buy things for everyone.

I don’t think you should take money away from your kids now as it seems you decided how to split it with your children first and your sister followed suite. This is really a lesson for your sister to teach her children. Granny gave each family £100 and the parents decided to split it between the children. As we have more children, we each get less but it’s still plenty. Otherwise they will always compare themselves to others. It’s like a maths lesson! I wouldn’t be falling out over it. Kids should appreciate whatever they get, not be asking for more. Granny did right really. She gave equal money to both daughters.

Some of these comments are annoying and show that people can't read. OP's mother gave her daughter's £100 each which was lovely of her. Both mothers unbeknownst to grandma, decided to give it to their kids.

End of story.

If OP's sisters kids are upset they have less money then too bad that's life. Even if OP had decided to give her kid's that amount anyway (outside of the gift from grandma,), again that is her choice. Is she meant to double check with her sister, getting permission for how much money she's allowed to give her OWN kids... Ridiculous.

A great life lesson for theme- sometimes friends will have more money, you have to make do with what you have and be grateful.