I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

Seriously. Who thinks their nieces and nephews need a lesson in the unfairness of life while on holiday.

Completely agree.

Everyone here judging OP’s sister for having a large family is sad. I actually think people with big families are the most privileged people in the world:, rich in love, relationships, and experiences that money can never buy.

But sure, you can keep raising children surrounded by plastic crap, expensive gadgets, and overpriced junk and tell yourselves that is what creates a fun childhood and makes someone a great parent.

no one is judging

It's the sister who is making a big deal of needing more money because she has a large family?

Ok so then why does the sister feel the five kids need more money then if they are rich in love relationships and experiences? And surely they don't need the extra money if they will just spend it on plastic crap?

I don't see why your mum would think that your children should get less, because your sister had more kids than you did.

£50 for kids that young is quite a lot though, I would probably have given them £25 each and put the other half in their respective bank accounts.

My extended family used to holiday en masse.
My nanna used to save her coppers all year and then divvy them out between the grandchildren at the beginning of our family holiday, nothing to do with how many children in each family. It was her present to her grandchildren, our ice cream money.
that would have been a fairer use of the £200.

YANBU

She chose to have five kids so the money doesn't stretch as far. It shouldn't be that hard for her to explain they have less because the money has been split five ways and maybe point out by the way that the money was given to their mum so they didn't have to get anything!

She's not asking for more money. She just wants the OP to hold back the difference till after the holiday so they all have the same for the duration.

£5 is enough for tat! My exact thought was £5 buys a pocket sized novelty from a gift shop. What else does a child need on holiday?

for the sake of peace can you not “wink wink” tell your sister you have sorted it sll out and now all kids have the same amount ( tell your to keep quiet )

your kids keep their money you keep cordial relations

otherwise its a shit holiday

All the children have spending money, just different amounts. It's the same in home life: Everyone doesn't have the same. This need to be explained to all the children. How else are they going to learn that everything isn't divided equally?

My cousins and I all had different amounts of spending money when we went out together. Sometimes one of us didn't have any, so occasionally we put a little in each so that all of us could have sweets or an ice cream. No adult told us what to do.

More likely she would spend it in one go on a “souvenir” that will soon be forgotten by the taxi ride home from the airport. I really don’t want £50 worth of that stuff.

Your mom’s good deed has backfired. A £100 doesn’t really stretch that far these days so she would have been better off splitting it between the grandkids equally, any burden for souvenirs are lifted from the parents which is always helpful if you’re having to be careful

@Trainup

maybe they don’t need an ice cream everyday?

If you are close enough to your sister to go on holiday together, you should be close enough to have discussed the money before giving it to the kids. You should have forseen this & come up with a plan with your sister that wouldn't upset her kids. It's easy for people to say the kids need to learn life isn't fair but their cousins are effectively rubbing it in their faces which is horrible. If I were you, I would explain to your kids that it's a bit unfair on their cousins so you will give them some of the money to spend after this holiday and they can spend £20 on holiday along with the cousins.

This is so ridiculous 😂

Why stop at the spending money? Are you also going to make sure they go to the same types of vacations in the future and the sane type of day outs and the same type of treats and their birthdays just all fall within an agreed budget???

Maybe you need to do a better job managing your children and teaching them to be grateful for what they have and not focus on what other people have....

I know right! Who wants to be cramming £100 of tat into your suitcases!? And where are you gonna put it all when you get home?!

Oh God, is it really worth falling out with your sister and upsetting her kids, just to give your children an absurd amount of money for kids that age?

Couldn't you and your sister have got together and split the money equally between the kids?

I can't understand treating a sibling like this, I really can't.

But, do as you will. You intend to anyway.

I would never put my sister or her kids in that situation.
YABU.

Is your mother pleased this has happened, and pleased that one of her daughters and five of her grandchildren are upset?

Staggering if so.

I could not disagree with this nonsense anymore if I tried. A big family is nobody ever really getting any one to one attention from their parents, elder siblings being used as unpaid nanny’s and housekeepers, never having space that belongs just to you, where nobody is asking you to do anything or wipe anything, or break up any fighting, or just keep an eye on etc. And if you’re one of the younger ones, you know your teachers will judge you by your siblings behaviour and your siblings will judge you by their hand me downs. And having grown up surrounded by big families, I can’t think of any where they all get on and they’re all talking to each other. I mean, no judgement from me; have as many kids as you like. But don’t go kidding yourselves that it’s all sunshine and roses and a wonderful magical experience for the kids, because it isn’t. Literally the only benefit I can think of is that if someone wants to take one of you on, they have to take all of you on. That’s it.

OP, why is nobody explaining to your nieces and nephews that you and your sister were given £50 each and that the only reason they have less money is because there are more of them to share it between. It wouldn’t matter if you and your sister had kept the money and not given any of them anything. They’d still only have £50 worth of tat and ice cream. There’s no stretching it. And ask your sister if your DC are supposed to hide what they got for Christmas too? This is about managing expectations but, bloody hell, all of this could have been avoided with just a little bit of foresight.

Yeah, fucking entitled little kids, being jealous of others having fuck loads of money to spend right in front of them. High time they were taught a lesson on their summer holiday!

Are you for real?

Why not take it further - perhaps OP should give one of her kids £75 and one £25. An excellent lesson on how life isn't fair .....

Your sister needs to manage that.
imagine your DM wasn’t involved at all in this situation but your DH and you decided to give £50 (or whatever) to you your kids as spending money before you even were at the holiday. Independently, your sister and her DH decided to give their kids a different amount (and most likely less as they’re 5 kids). How would she manage the situation then? That’s what she should do now.
she can explain that different families have different budgets and that’s their budget. If they want more, before the next holiday they can do extra chores or whatever and earn some extra money. Or whatever it is works for her family.

What a horrible, over the top response just because someone happens to have 5 kids.

What happens when it runs out?
At a guess the parents will start buying them things instead, but overall they'll have saved a bit of money, just the same as if the grandmother had given the OP money and she'd used it for the kids' things.

By 'the value of money' I mean the denominations of coins and the general idea that you hand over money, get a thing back and get less money back.