I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

You did nothing wrong, OP. YANBU. Gift your sister a tenner for a box of condoms if she still insists on sharing. Greedy, entitled so and so. She got a free £100 and is still unhappy because cousins 'have more'. Yes, should have thought about that before multiplying to the extreme. It's time for her to explain to her children that the vast majority of children they meet will have 'more', due to their parents' smarter lifestyle choices.

As for 'where would a 4 year old spend £50'. Seriously? How is that a large amount to spend? A couple of ice creams, a plushie or something, a ride, and it's gone.

This should have been discussed and a compromise reached way before it got to this point or even before you went on holiday.

I'll be honest, I'm on Team "Kids on Joint Family Holiday should get Treated Equally". Anything I buy my kids on joint holidays, their cousins get too. if I can't afford 5, then none get it, they'll live! My sister can't afford to match what I buy through no fault of her own and my kids' close relationship with their cousins is not something I would ever risk or put a price on. It feels like some people have no compassion anymore. These aren't some strangers living down the street, they are your family.

And if you absolutely had to keep the money solely for your kids, there were ways to be a lot more discreet about it.

How extremely rude of you

And my point (maybe I didn't make it clearly enough) is that, with this money from Grandmother, the parents didn't NEED to buy ice cream for the children. It was a nice gift/extra and is saving the OP and her family a little bit of money, just the same as if Grandmother had given the OP the money and she'd decided not to give it to the children but to keep it as general/family holiday spends.
Whichever way the money is administered or thought of, it's a generous gift and it goes a little way towards offsetting the usual holiday costs.

I think your sister is being unreasonable.
At the same time I do feel sorry for her kids.
£50 is a lot at that age.

Why can't you say to your DC.. Spend £20 now and save £30 for the rest of the school summer holidays - you can give me a list of all the exciting things we can do when we get home. If you spend it too quickly and run otu we will discuss it.

Most kids would go along with that. The four year old won't know the value of it.

We used to give our kids holiday pocket money ( on the grounds that we knew we'd be paying for the ice creams etc anyway and it reduced the amount of pleading) and they adored having the choice to think about and choose what they wanted and when, and yes they did end up buying some tacky souvenirs or little presents, which they treasured (although DH found it really frustrating.) But they took such pleasure in having the choice.

It would be a real shame to fall out with your sister and your kids to fall out with their cousins over this. And have that as the take away from the holiday. When all of them could just enjoy choosing what they wanted with £20. (Even though your sis is being unreasonable and causing a big fuss over it.. I think you could be more reasonable too - it just isn't worth it!)

I can see why it’s causing problems to be honest. Inheritance 50/50 to each child yes regardless of number of grandchildren - but not holiday spending money! I feel sorry for your mum who did a nice thing and then everyone bickered. I realize she didn’t foresee that you would both split it between your kids.

But it’s done now so a shame of your sister to let it ruin the holiday.

Your Dsis is deluded. I am from a large fam of siblings. It was just part of the learning experience that we had to stretch things out to gonaround be that money, biscuits, goes on a toy! The upside of having loads of siblings is worth it. Your sister needs to teach her children they get less because there are more people to share with but the joys of a big family make up for that.

OP said she didn't need the money so I would have thought if it was too go to the kids they'd have bought a toy / entrance to a fair ground / some stalls / a souvenir of some sort.
I only made the comment I did because the only thing that was mentioned was ice cream. So if that's all it's going on the parents may as well have kept it. What happens when it runs out? No ice cream but daddy and I will get one? Presumably not so it's not really teaching them the value of money is it?

I don’t think it is. If my sister was so keen on using tech during holidays, I would simply choose not to go. I don’t want my money and time wasted if my kids and we won’t have fun.

The same goes for her. If she wants her child to follow the same routine as at home, then she has every right not to come.

I think that when it comes to a family holiday, there has to be clear communication about the children’s needs and expectations.

I also think that spending money and tablet usage are not the same as basic needs. They are extras, and everyone has the right not to want them.

In that case I would say ‘Right kids! £5 each left of Grannies money!’

And I would take the rest and use it as your mother intended to make the holiday a little less costly. An ice cream here, a pasty there, cash for a boat trip, a tenner for a ride on sea front, two quid for a slot machine. Yes it will soon go but at least you’re controlling it. Not a four year old.

You’ve just handed £100 pound to frittered by two children.

Of course I can see why the cousins have got the hump.

The nerve of you to have told me that I sound unhinged when you are practically salivating all over this thread about the “jealous cousins” getting this “lesson”. You were projecting hard when you made that accusation and you sound like you’re projecting on to this situation as well.

I hope something like this isn't going to spoil the holiday. I think your Mum, the one with good intentions, will be the most upset if that happens. No matter who is right or wrong, go over to your sister now, ask for a chat in private and try and resolve it somehow! Not because anyone is "in the wrong" but because someone needs to be the better person here and stop it becoming ridiculously uncomfortable for all concerned.

I disagree. I don’t think tablets are necessarily at all but equally it isn’t up to me, or anyone else, to say what other people should or shouldn’t do.

Whether one way or another is better is subjective, and people should allow others to make their own decisions.

Completely agree, and while everyone’s going on about the children learning about life being unfair, this is also a lesson on WHO is unfair to them.

Essentially this. How about saving some of the money (as a suggestion, buying something nice at home, rather than holiday tat).

It is sad that we live in a world where people feel that the life and wellbeing of their nieces and nephews are not their concern at all. I believe that family members have the right to care, to share their opinions, and to raise concerns when they feel something is not right.

I have every right to tell my sister that I don’t think putting my nephew in front of a tablet during every meal is a good idea, just as she has every right to tell me if she thinks I am not doing something right with my own children. Whether we agree with each other’s opinions is a different matter.

The important thing is that we communicate and respect each other. We can agree on certain rules before a family holiday and follow them while we are together. After the holiday, we can all go back home and make the choices we believe are best for our own children.

£50 if they have to buy their own ice creams isn’t going to go far. A £4 ice cream each day for a week is over half the money. Maybe the sister is buying her kids their ice creams.

The way she’s speaking about the sister’s children is really nasty. Pathologising their disappointment as something more sinister.

It's funny how keen people are for children to learn that life is unfair so long as it's other folks' kids doing the learning

Have you ever met children?

The clue is in the name of the site.

Kids talk about money.

I was taught as a child that this is impolite.

A similar lesson has been absorbed by my own DC.

HTH.

Oh do give over. We are not talking about a bloody inheritance, just some holiday money! 🙄

It wouldn’t have hurt the OP or made any difference to the kids that they had the same as their cousins. She’s just hurt her sister for no reason - oh sorry, I mean for some ice cream.

Glad you lot aren’t my sister.

The money was given to each family unit to spend how they wish, your sister can’t be annoyed at you for having the same idea and splitting it between your children when she had the same idea and has done the same.
It was her choice to have 5 children I’m assuming, so everything does have to be divided more.
If she can’t afford to top up their money then she will have to explain to the children that each family had the same, they have more siblings.
When we go away we always take out spending money in cash and put it into money bags one for each of my children and have done since they were small.

Its taught them not to endlessly ask for things because they can see their own coins going down.
We get an icecream for them but if they then want another or a toy etc they have to count it out of their own little bags.
I keep hold of our 6 year olds but the older two manage their own money now and one usually ends up coming back with money because he’s a saver, the other happily blows it and runs out with a day or so to go and has to just limit himself to what’s on offer from us.

Haha, sure. It must be nice living in a world where you believe you know every single thing your child says, thinks, and feels.

Kids talk. They compare things, they notice differences, and they absolutely talk about money. Just because they don’t do it in front of you doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen; especially if they have been taught that certain topics are “not to be discussed.”

It's ridiculous. The children need to learn that this is just how life is sometimes. As long as yours aren't showing off then its no problem at all. You had the same amount to share. Yours shouldn't habe less because she chose to have more kids. I'm the parent of more children than my siblings, mine would have been the ones with less money and would have simply been greatful for what the had be given...20 quid more than they expected!!

you mean she generously split the money given by her mum between her own children, but has now to deal with her entitled sister?