I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

Would you not have bought your children ice creams?

Totally different situation. And yes that is shit.
but for billionth time grandparent didn’t give money to the grandchildren. She gave it to her daughters.
my grandparents gave us cash in Christmas / birthday cards. We had different amounts due to our ages. So at 10 years old we all got £10.00. I suppose technically my older siblings, simply by being older, received more, as they had had more birthdays by the time my grandparents died, and technically my youngest sibling received the least, but I still don’t begrudge my eldest sibling the extra!

Maybe they want a sprinkle cone, an extra flake, extra sprinkles, marshmellows you know the shit kids buy??

Luckily it's not the grandchildren's money.

But you already knew that :)

No. I’d let my kids take birthday money and savings and explain that a lot of the things for sale are likely to be extortionate so try to limit expectations to one( or two if money permits)expensive £25 items that they really want to be bought whenever. To choose wisely. That is life. We aren’t all millionaires and don’t all get to have everything we want. Understanding that shops try to fleece us with extortionate crap is a good life skill. I don’t think letting kids fritter large amounts of money for 3 weeks is a good idea and unless you’re a millionaire and will be in the position of cushioning your children financially their entire lives- unhelpful long term.

It's all nonsense. I've often taken a niece or nephew on holiday with us. Sometimes they had been given more spending money than our kids, sometimes less. Let the kids just get on with it. I can remember my DD when she was about 12 buying ice-creams for my niece for several days on holiday and she told me had a bit more money than my niece so after buying her cousin a few ice creams she thought they had about the same.

Yes it's a shame the OPs sister cares so little about OPs children she wanted OP to snatch their holiday spending money away from them. Horribly selfish of the sister who clearly only cares about her own kids and doesn't like OPs.

So, to sum up - it doesn't matter.

They'll be fine.

If your sister keeps up her jealous demands, avoid for future holidays.

Err yes I have- many times. 4 year olds are fully capable of understanding the concept of no.

This is the kind of thing that people used to do to me and my brother growing up. So we'd get £5 each and cousins would get £10. I am not sure were the batshit logic came from but I made a point of not saying thank you.

So is OP paying for the ice cream and the child is paying only for the extras? Given that he's already spent more than £15.
Even though the children know it's there, there's no harm in limiting their spending. There's no harm in saying no you can't have that you've spent enough today etc.

Exactly that is why you don't let them buy 10 tiaras but just the one
Not buy the blow up flamingo but settle on a smaller one

Money causes so many problems doesn't it. In retrospect, it might have been better if your Mum just split her money equally between all kids. What would have happened if you decided to keep your share, while DS split hers between her 5 kids. Would your DC be complaining that their cousins had money and they didn't?

Thus having no need to let a 4 year old fritter £50.

She probably would have done but presumably decided to start teaching her children about the value of money and that she doesn’t have bottomless pockets. I think giving her children autonomy (albeit somewhat monitored) over their spending money is a great idea.

Value of money? She’s just give them £50 each for nothing 😂

Why didn't Granny split the money equally between all the children?

When you gave your children £50 each you must’ve known your nieces and nephews would not have had a similar amount. So it wasn’t very sensitive on your part.
what did you think would happen?
quite thoughtless of you.
And not kind to the other children.
this is on you.

For fun, for holiday spends

But mother did split the money between all of her children, she gave her children £100 each. However, unknown to each other, the daughters decided to split that specific gift money between their children which is where the disparity happens.

If the money hadn’t originated from Granny but the sisters had just given their children holiday money from themselves the situation might still have been the same. OP might have decided on £50 for each of her children and her sister might have decided to give hers £20 each, or the other way around.If the other way, would OP have insisted on her sister retracting some money from her children ?

Why is it horrible that you don’t want to do something?

For example, I don’t raise my children with tablets and smartphones, so I ask my sister not to use them on a family holiday. We have never had an issue with that. Her son never even missed having a tablet because he enjoyed playing with his cousins.

We all raise our children differently — it’s not about being selfish. It’s about respecting each other.

People here are acting as if the children would suffer without the money to spend. They were already on holiday with their cousins, making memories and enjoying themselves. Giving them extra money to spend was unnecessary.

They could have easily gone a week without extra treats or the “lesson on how to use money.” Teach them those lessons when you’re not on a family holiday and when it doesn’t affect other children.

5 kids is a lot, your sister chose to have that many. Money has to be stretched further, ignore her.

What do you mean, ‘for nothing’ ? It’s holiday money, to spend during their holiday. The sister has giver her children holiday money, for the holiday, is that ‘for nothing’ ? Did you never get given holiday money to spend during your holiday ?

OP is holding the purse strings and the children will see their notes and coins diminishing so they will understand how quickly it goes.

Because the money wasn't for the kids she gave it the families and OP decided to give it to her kids which she had every right to. Then sister decided to do the same and is now upset that her kids only have £20 each while OPs kids have £50 each.

How you choose to raise your children shouldn’t affect anyone else though. What if your sister insisted you give your children tablets while away together? It’s the same thing.