I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

Jesus, how many £25 wands and teddy’s do they need? Why would you encourage them to waste money on hugely overpriced, extortionate tat like this- on a loop. Wouldn’t it be better to say they can have 1 thing at the end? Why are they shopping every day, isn’t the fun of Disney the rides?

Why do young kids now always need to be spending money and eating shite. Can’t they just relax, play and be kids. Make their own fun?

We are on holiday, we have called in at a bar, we wouldn't do that on any other day of the week, mum and dad are having a pint at 3pm - unheard of any other day of the week - kids want a slush - so bloody what it is a 2 week holiday in the sun.
They have been on the beach, they have splashed, done sand castles, swum they have made their own fun, it is 2 week holiday

Bizarre way to split the grandchildren’s money.
just divide the £200 by 7, so each child gets £28 or so. Round it up to £30 each for them.
each grandchild gets the same
no resentment or rows.

Your sister is ridiculous - life choices come with consequences and one of the consequences of having five children is less money (unless you're very well off). Presumably, there are other benefits to having a large family that smaller families don't have.

There's nothing wrong with a four year old having spending money, I don't get all the incredulous reactions here.

On a joint holiday, I would want to ensure that all adults are on the same page regarding children's treats, spending money etc.
Anything else is just asking for trouble.

Hellloooooo! It wasn't for the grandchildren. Must've been repeated at least 50 times now.

It wasn’t the grandchildren’s money though - it was money given my the grandmother to her daughter’s to spend on their families. It was not ‘for’ the grandkids, but for each of the daughter’s family units. It was only because OP decided to pass it on to her children - and her sister chose to do the same - that grandchildren directly benefitted.

But what constitutes a waste will vary dramatically. One person's money well spent will be another's money thoroughly wasted. I think paying for a cleaner is a huge waste of money; whereas for others, they're an absolute lifeline. Their money, their choice; my money, my choice.

Taken to extremes, you get the people who are determined to never waste anything, live a life of extreme frugality until they drop dead in a cold, dimly-lit, derelict house, leaving £5million in the bank.

I think this is true. A lot of people don't really like any children except their own. So I guess they don't care if other people's kids get upset.

I like most kids. I want them to be happy when we're hanging out or they're in my care. And that means accepting their developmental limitations - they don't generally have a developed sense of nuance, they see things in black-and-white and they have limited emotional control. Things that adults can shrug their shoulders at matter a lot to kids.

For all of those adults saying this shouldn't matter and it's the OP's sister's fault for bigging it up, it is this sort of event that children look back on as adults and it still smarts because they remember the negative feelings around it. Yes, it's a life lesson, but not one that any child that I presumed to love or care about would be having while in my care/company.

I think £100 per family is generous and fair. The gran had two daughters and is treating them equal.

If the cousins are upset, their mum and dad needs to explain different families have different amounts of disposable income. If the parents want they can top up the money or buy an extra round of treats/icecream for their kids etc. But also to be grateful they are on a nice holiday.

Or remind them that their nan gave mummy a lovely gift and mummy was kind to share it with the kids. And that being ungrateful for gifts and comparing to others is only going to lead to unhapiness.

What does she expect will happen at inheritance? The gran was damned if she did, damned if she didn't.

Well, you have an apostrophe there that isn't needed, so....

Sorry if this isn't the answer you were looking for, and I absolutely get your indignation. I think it's nice if kids have the same. Saves arguments, resentment, envy etc. Having a vast difference in pocket money probably isn't doing much for the cousins' friendship either. Different situation but I have an (ex) friend who always sees to it that her kid has more spending money. Cause of much bad feeling. Hope you enjoyed your holiday.

Agree, it not the kids' fault their mum had more of them, and as you say you're comfortably off, OP, I'd make it equal. Yes, it's going to come up, probably, for them many times in life how they don't get as much as kids from smaller families, as in unless they're very rich, kids from big families are less likely to have a room each, as much stuff etc, but for me at least, a holiday when you're supposed to be relaxing isn't the time to push that message.
And it might make your mum feel bad that her kind thought has caused these issues, so is it worth it?

People are so quick to judge!
How dare you give a 4-year-old £50.
How dare you let them 'fritter' it on toys/ice cream/other things kids like.
How dare your mother give out equal amounts of money.

I think giving each family unit the same is perfectly sensible. Frankly, though, no one's opinion matters; she was generous enough to give her family money and the only reasonable response is a thank-you.

The sister is behaving badly and setting a bad example for her children. She could and should be helping them to understand that money (and other things in life) are not always 'fair' in the sense of totally equal, and how to cope with that.

Let her sit on her own and sulk.

My grand-dad still speaks on how the highlight of the holidays was raiding the local baker with his cousins, and spend all the money they could find on the sweets sold there.😂

We go to AI holidays so we don't have to argue about a few pennies worth of icecream.

Can’t they just relax, play and be kids. Make their own fun?
in real life, or your vague memory of the Famous Five?

For all of those adults saying this shouldn't matter and it's the OP's sister's fault for bigging it up, it is this sort of event that children look back on as adults and it still smarts because they remember the negative feelings around it.
I would hope that by adulthood most people would be mature enough to look back, remember the negative feelings, but also recognise that, yes, it was a complex situation, but they can understand why the grandmother did it and recognise that their auntie's behaviour was unimpressive.

3 weeks in Florida, with 2 of those at Disney and you’re telling your children they can’t have anything until the last day when they can pick 1 teddy? Gosh you’re such a misery! We go on holiday and we have fun. As adults, if we want something, then we get it. Our kids can do the same also, within reason. I’m not going to strictly police how many ice creams they get or if they want a couple of new teddies and a bubble wand. We’re lucky that we don’t need to do that. If other families are on a budget, then their kids will need to learn to stick to that budget. What works for your family doesn’t necessarily work for mine. It doesn’t mean either one of us is wrong.

As you say- that’s an extreme.

Ok so your kids did spend, with their £10, and they did eat shite (from the hypermarket, of course). They didn't need that, did they? You're arguing that OP is wrong for doing the same thing you did, just before however many years of inflation.

Common sense says you should only give kids £20 each 😂 😆 😂 😆

Common sense doesn't tell you that different people and families have different incomes and abilities and can do whatever they bloody hell want???

So many odd things here.

your mothers kind good intention but odd choice on how she split money (she’s probably got memories burnt into her brain of you and your sister having to have things fair rather than seeing it from kids perspective

your decision. To give 50£ each to very young kids. How the heck can they make decisions about it sensible. esp 4 yo

your sister for telling you to change your choices.

What on earth does a four year old do with £50?

£3.50 a day is that so hard to compute?

OP has already said it was given to her and her sister £100 each. Then both DD decided to give it to their DC.

I am beginning to think some of you have never taken a 4 year old shopping