I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

£3.50 a day

You really cannot understand what a 4 year old would spend it on? Really?

Why not?? I have a 4 year old, she will ask for ice cream/snacks/pool toys/colourful tat. She has her money she can choose if she wants these things and than the money is gone and she doesnt get anymore

How do you propose to teach children the value of money without ever giving them any?

Text her ? She's a few yards away sulking on a sunbed.

I didn't say they needed it at all; but I did say an ice cream or a small toy each day or two on holiday

Most people like to enjoy holidays and enjoy a few extra treats and nice things whilst away for one or two weeks in the year - it isn't compulsory for them to be miserable.

You remind me of the newspaper articles every year that furiously warn and berate people over consuming potentially far more calories than they need for an average day on Christmas Day - one day out of 365.

At 4 you tell them what’s appropriate, what they can’t have, don’t need and guide them with money. You don’t hand them large sums of cash and let them fritter it on whatever they want until it’s gone on shit they don’t need. I despair!

Peter - you have £50 - it has to last you all week

First shop he goes in wants a blow up crocodile - £30 - lesson learnt - if you buy that you won't have much money to last you, why not get a lilo for £10 then you'll have more money.....

At the expense of her relationship with her sister. I guess it’s up to her to decide what is more important.

Your mother should have split the money between all the kids

Who said not wasting money equals being miserable? In my experience those that can have fun without wasting money are happier- and richer!

What they can and can't have - where is the fun, so what if they want a bloody tiara it is their spending money to buy fun stuff with.

Yes stop them buying 10 but come on - have you never bought something on a whim?? Because its shiny and flashy?

So DS can also tell her kids what's appropriate and that they only have £20 each right? Problem solved.

Again because she said they have £50 doesn't mean they will spend it all or that OP will get them everything they ask for eg 10 ice creams in one day simply because they have access to £50.

She never "handed" them money she said it's with her and they have access to spend as required.

And frankly none of this addresses DS jealousy and ridiculous request. Sister should focus on teaching her family to appreciate what they have and manage it accordingly. They don't get to demand that other people hide their money to make them happy.

Common bloody sense, that’s who!

Each family unit was given £100. That is fair. The number in each unit is irrelevant.
but we will have to agree to disagree on this.

i think you’re both being petty and ridiculous. Not your problem your sister had more kids than she can afford by the sounds of it but what’s going to happen when the money runs out for the sister’s kids, your 4 year old parades around with multiple ice creams, toys etc rubbing it in their faces? There is no way a 4 year old knows how much £50 represents and if it were me, I would ensure all kids get treated equally on holiday at least to the extent they are hanging out together. Fine if you want to buy extra presents or treats for yours when out of sight of the others.

She isn't saying knock yourself out, she's still, literally, holding the purse strings. If her 4 year old spends all their money the purse will be empty and they will have learned a lesson.

It’s a life lesson for her kids. She chose to have 5 you 2. Your mum gave you £100 each and you both agreed to share it with your respective children

your sister needs to explain to her children how it works in real life and stop sulking

Generally on this forum, I see people doing think much of kids that aren’t their own, and even saying their own are the exception is pushing it.

I agree. Yes, you would guide them in their choices at 4; but I think it's actually a perfect time to learn that lesson as a (slightly older) child, with the in-built safety net that still guarantees everything that you need provided by your parents.

Which is better: to spend £20 unwisely as a child and then realise that you'll have to forego a few fun treats until next pocket money day, which seems like ages away; or to get to adulthood, splurge the lot on payday and then have no food, no way of paying essential bills and a month of abject fear, worry and debt that will roll forward to the next month (and the next)?

At £25 a teddy or bubble wand at Disney, it really doesn’t go far. I’d have spent more on them if I’d have just bought stuff as we went. Disney and Orlando are full of great things that kids want. If they’re willing to part with their own money, I know they really want it. They also can save their money for a few days to get a bigger item. It’s a holiday - they can have toys and ice creams. It’s part of the fun. My kids don’t constantly ask for stuff as they know that when it’s something they really want, it’s available to them.

The only poor person here is you — someone who thinks having more money gives you the right to be ignorant and inconsiderate towards your own family.

Im assuming she wasn’t forced to have 5 kids? Diddums that when she splits money between her brood they don’t come out with as much but that’s just the rules of division. She could have thought about that sooner.

Of course you can give kids money- a small amount of pocket money they build up, earn and learn to save. Maybe an additional fiver for a holiday. My kids used to be given a fiver from us and a fiver from grandparents for holidays and supplemented it with saved pocket money or birthday money if they wanted to. They often came back with much of it. They don’t feel the need for endless pop, ice creams and tat and don’t now. They still had fun, great memories and were clever enough to know that choosing a box of ice creams from the hyper market to share ( a treat they wouldn’t normally have) saved their pockets.

Why do young kids now always need to be spending money and eating shite. Can’t they just relax, play and be kids. Make their own fun?

we had a GP who would do this. All the grandkids would open their Christmas cards and receive different amounts of money depending on how many siblings they had. I know it was because the parents would kick off if they did it any other way but it did affect how the grandkids felt about the GP. I just always told my kids they were rich in siblings. They eye rolled but one day they’ll realise it was true!

Can’t understand why everyone is blaming the grandmother - she gave each daughter £100 for their families. Totally fair and - if you read inheritance threads - exactly what MN would usually support.

Perhaps she should have given different amounts on the basis that one family is a family of 7 and other is family of 4, but the one sister chose to have 5 children. How she funds them is her choice.

Essentially two mothers were each given £100 and chose to share that with their individual children. It’s is not OP’s responsibility to make it ‘fair’ for the extra 3 kids that her sister has. OP’s kids may have more spending money in future because they’ve saved more, have part-time jobs or OP/DH just have more money. Life is unfair. Her sister is going to have to accept that with a larger family she has a lifetime of seeming inequities to try and balance out with her children and all of those in other families - but that is her and her DH’s responsibility to sort. No one else's. And certainly not Op’s.

I would ignore sister in her shoes.