I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

This!

Your sister is being utterly ridiculous and weird. Why can't she be a parent and teach her children that not everything in life is equal and fair? Explain to them that there are more of them, therefore less money for each? Why is it up to you to help your sister pander to her children and their demands? She's not helping them by letting them act like entitled, selfish brats.

But for your kids' sake, I'd teach them not to disclose their finances to anybody, ever. Just to protect their own peace, and to not attract jealous energy into their life.

Pompous, over dramatic windbaggery.

OPs sister is poorer than OP because she had 5 kids. Oh well, such is life.

No big deal.

Who said it's expensive? Maybe OP hitch hiked to Skegness and stayed in a hut.

How much tat do you think they can actually buy with £3,50?

Lighten up

Neither of your kids needed £50 each. You should have given them £20 and saved the rest for them for another time. I think you have caused this problem.

I’m sure your child would have a drink they don’t normally had at lunch too.

No it's not a shame.

It's up to OPs sister to tell her children this is all we have to spend so we need to plan accordingly simple, she doesn't get to demand other people hide their money because she doesn't want to upset her kids.

I wouldn't ever even dream of a making such a request but people don't see to have any shame or boundaries anymore and feel the world must revolve around them and their children.

When we went to Florida last year, my kids were given £10 a day added to their card per day and they were 6 and 8. If they didn’t spend it, it would roll over to the next day and they could make a bigger purchase. We were there for 3 weeks so they ended up with £200 each. They enjoyed the freedom of having their own money and I probably would have spent more if I’d just bought stuff for them as I went. Teaching children to manage their own money is important. You’ve done nothing wrong by giving your children their own money to spend.

Actually her kids needed the money and OP wanted to give it to them, so it worked out perfectly for them.

They did they had pop etc, its holiday, rules are out of the window, we are there to have fun

How do you know that? I have more children than my sister, and I am in a much better financial position.

On family holidays, we give the same to all the children. We make decisions together about things like when they can have ice cream, when they can choose a toy, etc.

Just because I have more money, I would never give more to my own children while leaving my nephew left out.

yeh cos my kids have a miserable time on hols obviously.

How is giving 6 and 8 year olds more money than they know what to do with that they haven’t earned or saved and are encouraged to just fritter teaching them to manage money?

If the DGM had to scrimp and save to raise the £200 to give them for spending money, and if the DSis doesn't have any money of her own to give to her kids above what her DM gave her, I highly doubt it's an expensive holiday.

People - kids too - can enjoy nice things that aren't strictly necessary, you know. Life doesn't have to be a Dickensian drudge whereby people choose to limit themselves to all they think they and their families strictly deserve, even though they could afford to have pleasure.

It's not essential for you or me to be on MN right now, or ever - we could be out earning money for charity or contributing to our communities - but we've both chosen not to do that instead.

I disagree, she didnt give it to her DGC she gave it to her DDs to do what they wanted with it. It just goes further if you have 2 kids than 5

So they don’t need an endless tide of expensive ice creams, sugar and tat on top- just because.

I agree.

That was a mistake the money wasn't really for you and your sis it was for the grandkids so your mum should have split equally £30 each for example.
X

Curious as to what your 4 year old is oing to spend £50 on?

Of course they can but this isn’t reasonable. It’s excessive and not teaching children the value of money. And we wonder why debt figures are so high!

Absolutely this.

Irrelevant. As stated, OPs sister is poorer than OP because she had 5 children.

Such is life. No big deal.

Might not be a toy, it might be a slush, or a book, it is called fun!

I will ask my very adjusted 28 year old, degree educated, homeowner daughter if allowing her to have fun on holiday has made for a miserable adulthood!

I really wouldn't want to go on holiday with half of you, bloody fun sponges

No. It wasn't.

Hope this helps.

Says who? Who determines that the cutoff to give your kids on vacation is £20???

It's obvious that different families will have different incomes and abilities so this expectation that every kid must be given the same is ridiculous and unrealistic.

I may think £50 is too much for a 4 year old and you may think £100 is enough for your 4 year old, it's not my business or place to question you or demand that you cut yours down to £50 to match what I can or want to get be my kid.

Because she gave them the £50 doesn't mean they will spend it all.

Heck I have 2 kids and they have different approaches to money. If you give them both £50 one will spend it quickly and the other will spend it slowly and have money left after, guess what when the one who spends quickly gets jealous when he has run out of money and his sibling still has money I tell him that's your lesson to learn self control. I don't demand the other sibling must spend to match or share her extra. I teach him how to manage his money better next time and deal with it.

No she has not cussed any problem, DS needs to teach her kids to stop focusing on what other people have. Also did DS come without any money at all, she can give them extra money if she wants given grandma already paid for the trip, if not she sucks it up and teaches her kids to manage what they have and be content.