I am refusing to take away my children's holiday money because my sistsrs kids are jealous. AIBU?

[dramaticlifestyle]

We are on a family holiday right now. Me, my husband, my daughter (8 years old), my son (4 years old). My parents. My sister, her husband, and their 5 children.

My mum, bless her, really wanted to give everybody a bit of money to spend on holiday. She was able to spare £200 pounds which is absolutely lovely of her. My mum decided to split the money in half, she gave me £100 and my sister £100. I told my mum that I don't need the money because me and my husband already have enough holiday spending money. But ahe insisted, so I decided to give the money to my kids. £50 for my daughter, £50 for my son. That's their money to spend how they want.

My sister did the same thing as me and she gave all the money to her children, but because she has 5 children they get £20 each. We've been here for a few days and the kids have started asking each other about money, my daughter was asked how much money she has, she said she has £45 (She already spent £5). That has caused my sisters kids to start complaining to their mum and dad about the fact they only got £20 whilst my son and my daughter got £50.

My sister has since spoken to me and asked if I can take some of my children's money away because my sister can't afford to give each of her kids £30 because my sister and her husband already have a set budget for this holiday. I said that I'm sorry her kids feel jealous, however I am not going to take away my kids money because that isn't fair to my kids. I split the money fairly, my children shouldn't have to have their money taken away just because their cousins are jealous. I said I will make sure my kids aren't intentionally trying to make their cousins upset, but I will not take away some of their money. My mum also does not have more money to spare because she also has a holiday budget.

Right now we are sitting by the pool and my sister has decided to sit far away from the rest of us. Clearly trying to indicate she is upset.

AIBU?

Nobody is shaming the other mother... she made her choice.
More children = more costs.
Why should the other 2 lose out??

There is more to life than frittering money unnecessarily. Adults work and earn money, kids don’t and life isn’t an endless merry go round of expensive treats, even on holiday. If we want kids to learn the value of money it needs to be handled wisely. Giving a 4 year old £50 and saying knock yourself out isn’t that.

Then neither you nor your sister should have given the money to the DC, but put it in the general spending for the holiday pot.

Yes I too would buy them an ice cream but they want one with a flake a sprinkle a special cone then my kids looked forward to having something they wouldn't normally get

They could also use it to buy a key ring, a book, a torch, a hat, a teddy, it was theirs to do with what they want

Absolutely absurd to give a four year old £50.

A reason why not to go on holiday with family I guess

Yes, exactly. I would have discussed it with my DSIs and if she said she was splitting all hers between her five, I’d have given my two £20 each and taken the rest home. It could then have gone on something for them when your DS wasn’t there.

In your opinion, it is £3.50 per day

Absolutely absurd to give a four year old £50.

I love that THIS is what some posters are taking away from the thread

(when no one even gave £50 to a 4yo anyway and even if they did?😂)

You gave a four year old £50 holiday money? What for? Surely you buy him ice creams etc.

No, the majority just care about their own kids, are aware it's a normal amount of spending money and wouldn't let a jealous adult spoil their own kids fun for no reason. Much more realistic than snatching back money from your kids on holiday to assuage petty jealousy by an adult.

Even putting their DM (and also OP) in a position of having to buy 5 lots of birthday and Christmas presents for their one family every year is a financial burden, especially if the DGM had to work really hard and scrimp to save that £200 for the holiday.

With her annual presents budget having to stretch further, that means that OP's DC will almost certainly get significantly less for their birthday and Christmas presents than they would if their DA had only had 2 DC.

I don't know the specific circumstances of this family; but IME, because 5 children is essentially more than most families can afford to fully provide for on their own, it does tend to be the case that expectations are automatically made of the wider family to pitch in and support, far above those of a family with 2 or 3 children.

thankfully many families don't have an entitled sister like that. I feel sorry for people who have to put up with horrible siblings though.

Quite right. Kids don't need fun, who do they think they are. Down with leisure time.

In the instance of giving the same to each gc she’s not thinking of “family units”, she’s thinking of them as individuals who are all equally important to her. There are no “sides”
in that case.

In the instance of giving money to her own children (as she did) then yes give them the same, regardless of how many offspring each of them has.

My kids learnt very quickly that if we got a box of ice creams from the hyper market that we made last it was better value than wasting money on expensive kiosks. It’s a good life skill, teaching kids to not waste money and that you can still have fun on holiday without wasting money. Some might say working hard to make your own fun on less than immediate consumer gratification is another good life skill.

Before we had DS2 we often holidayed with BIL - he has two. PIL gave the kids the same amount each. There is no way I would have let DS have twice what his cousins had.

I am genuinely not seeing an issue with giving a 4 yr old £50 holiday spends

It is £3.50 a day

They aren't going out buying crack cocaine!

I just woudnt want my 4 year old buying a load of key-rings and pointless tat every day . I’d keep some of that money for them for a rainy day when they get home . Thats just me and it’s not that im being “tight “ as you suggested earlier .

You can have fun without dropping shedloads of cash. Families managed it for decades before expensive holidays became an entitlement.

It is very bizarre that you don’t understand this is not about having more or less.

Grandparents give this money for parents to spend on clothes, extracurricular activities, or whatever they choose. Giving it directly to your children on a holiday, knowing their cousins won’t have the same, is simply ignorant.

I can easily afford to give £50 to my children on holiday, but I wouldn’t want to. That is not how I am choosing to raise them.

It’s sad that you think parenthood and childhood should be about money. I can tell you one thing: the more material things children have, the less it guarantees their happiness. In the long run, I think the OP’s children would appreciate a mother with empathy and consideration for others far more than they would appreciate £50.

Yep. And yes of course it's fair the larger family gets less if that's what their parents' choices and finances allow for.

It certainly wouldn't be fair for OP to pretend she's as poor as her sister so her own kids miss out. Other people having more than you is just life.

At home, I’d totally agree. But they’re all away on holiday together.

My sister and I would have communicated before.

Well I wanted my child to have fun, to understand that money doesn't last forever, to understand if he spent £5 that was less money for tomorrow, they money was given to him by grandparents for holiday time to buy the tat I don't normally buy, because on holidays there are less rules, hence having a pint of stella at lunch!